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    Weeding Out The Good Customers

    | Outer Banks, NC, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (It is a slow night and I am working with a co-worker when a guy walks in.)

    Co-Worker: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have a room for tonight?”

    Co-Worker: “Just tonight?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Co-Worker: “How many in your party?”

    Customer: “Just one.”

    Co-Worker: “Do you have a smoking preference?”

    Customer: “Weed?”

    Me: *just hearing the last part of the conversation* “What?”

    Co-Worker: “We’re keeping him.”

    Excuses That Don’t Hold Water

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Thanks for calling [hotel], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a room next weekend. My kid has a swim meet down there.”

    Me: “Okay. Rooms with two doubles are going for $135.”

    Customer: “Give me a corporate rate on that room.”

    Me: “Sir, corporate rates are for business travel. You just told me you were coming for a swim meet.”

    Customer: “Well, uh, I sell swimsuits!”

    Related:
    Logic That Doesn’t Hold Water

    Lost A Sense Of Irony

    | Wildwood, NJ, USA | Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Hi, can I check your lost and found? I think I left my phone here the other night.”

    Me: “Sure.” *gets out box* “Here you go.”

    Customer: *rummages through the box* “Whoa!”

    (She finds a very expensive MP3 player and begins to pocket it.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you said you left your phone here.”

    Customer: “Yea so? I still want this.”

    Me: “But it’s not yours, someone else lost it and will probably be looking for it.”

    Customer: “Well if they were stupid enough to lose something so expensive they don’t deserve to have it! Oh, here’s my phone!”

    (She walks away with her brand new iPhone 4.)

    On Completely Different Wavelengths

    | Chesapeake, VA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers

    (Note: the caller ID shows an out of town number.)

    Caller: “Uh, hi. My room radio doesn’t work anymore.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. What room are you in?”

    Caller: “Oh, no, I’m at home! I took the radio home and now the buttons on top don’t work. It’s just fuzz! No music!”

    Me: “Wait. So you stole a radio, took it home, and now you’re calling because the pre-assigned buttons don’t work?”

    Caller: “Can you fix it or not?!”

    How To Rock The Boat

    | Escanaba, MI, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (I work at a hotel where some of the rooms overlook the lake. I get a customer checked in and give him a key to a room over looking the lake, but he comes back to the front desk after 5 minutes.)

    Customer: “This is unacceptable!”

    Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

    Customer: “I went down there, and there is room 144, then 146, there is no 145!”

    Me: “Sir, it’s on the other side of the hotel. You have to go through the hallway.”

    Customer: “So I have to walk through someone else’s room?”

    Me: “No, this room is on the lake side of the hotel.”

    Customer: “The lake side? Well how do I get there? I don’t have a boat!”

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