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    Up-Front Desk

    | Perth, West Australia, Australia |

    (A guest is checking in.)

    Guest: “And would it be okay if I bring a prostitute to the room later?”

    Me: *startled* “Uh. Well. I guess if no other guests are in anyway disturbed or affected.”

    Guest: “Well, that’s terrific. She’ll be coming by at about 8:30pm. But if she looks ugly, just send her back without giving her my room number.”

    Stuck In The Wake Of Spring Break

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    Guest: “Do you have any vacancies tonight?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We’re completely booked tonight.”

    Guest: “Do you know if any other hotels in the area have any rooms?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I checked with all the hotels near us, and all of them are completely booked as well. I heard complaints from other people that they couldn’t find hotels anywhere else in town either.”

    Guest: “What’s going on in town that’s causing it to be so busy?”

    Me: “Spring break.”

    Guest: “Oh. I didn’t think so many people would come here for that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What brings you to town?”

    Guest: “Spring break.”

    Interior Design Supports Parental Decline

    | Anaheim, CA, USA |

    (It’s 9 pm and the hotel is sold out. A guest calls from the 8th floor. Note: our rooms have exterior entrances.)

    Me: “Front desk, how can I help you?”

    Guest: “I was wondering, do you had any rooms on a lower floor? My grandson is only two, but he can reach the safety lock. He keeps trying to go outside.”

    Me: “The only rooms we have available tonight are on the 6th floor. I can set you up for a room transfer tomorrow, if you like?

    Guest: “That would be great!”

    Me: “I’ll look for one all the way to the ground floor. Is that okay?”

    Guest: “That would be fine, thank you. I just don’t want my grandson getting outside, you know.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll go ahead and set you up for that. But just to let you know, the ground floor hasn’t been renovated yet. The room is going to be a little outdated. The renovation has only reached the 6th floor.”

    Guest: “Oh really? You know what? Packing all my things up might be a little difficult. It’s okay, never mind!”

    Not The Brightest Spark In The Firework Display

    | CA, USA |

    Me: “Mae speaking. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to come down and stay at your hotel. I want to stay when the Fourth of July fireworks go off. Do you know when that is?”

    Me: “On the…Fourth of July?”

    Customer: “But, that’s on a Tuesday. We want to come on the weekend.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the Fourth of July fireworks show always goes off on the Fourth of July.”

    Customer: *sternly* “Well, I guess you just lost business, didn’t you?!” *click*

    (Dead) Wrong Number

    | Anaheim, CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (We have received dry cleaning, so I call a guest to let him know he can pick it up.)

    Guest: “Steven’s Mortuary: You stab ‘em, we slab ‘em.”

    Me: “Oh…hello. This is the front desk. I was just calling to let you know your dry cleaning is here.”

    Guest: “Oh! Sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

    Me: “That’s okay, sir. That was the most interesting call I’ve had all day.”

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