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    As White As Our Sheets

    | Durant, OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    Guest: “I think my room might be haunted.”

    Me: “Excuse…me?”

    Guest: “It’s haunted. Can I move to a new room?”

    Me: “Um, yes. I can do that for you.”

    Guest: “Could you check the new room first? Make sure there is no bad energy?”

    Me: “I can try, sir…”

    Call 911: We’ve Got A Serious Case Of Insensitivity

    | Alberta, Canada | Hotels & Lodging

    (I am a supervisor at a hotel in the Canadian Rockies. This particular day, I am on duty alone and on the phone with a caller when this takes place.)

    Guest: *shouting* “Call 911 now!”

    (I glance up from the phone call to see that a guest has collapsed in the lobby.)

    Me, on the phone: “There is an emergency and I need to put you on hold.”

    (I put him on hold to call 911. I alert the paramedics and begin first aid on the fallen guest. In the meantime, my boss goes behind the desk to assist other clients. He notices there is a call on hold and picks up.)

    Boss: “Yes, sir. I understand, sir, however, there is a legitimate emergency taking place in the lobby as I speak which she had to attend to.”

    Caller: *inaudible*

    Boss: “Yes, I understand your time is important, as is your business, however, I am sure you can appreciate why she was called away so abruptly.”

    Caller: *inaudible*

    Boss: “That’s fine, sir, you can have your lawyer contact us if you deem it necessary.”

    I Left My Job In San Fresno

    | Fresno, CA, USA | Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I have a reservation under [name]. I’m at the airport and need a shuttle to pick me up.”

    Me: “Sure thing, sir. I’ll send it right out! Just wait by the taxi island outside of baggage claim.”

    (About 15 minutes later, the driver calls me saying he can’t see anyone. At the same time the customer calls back.)

    Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if the shuttle was on its way.”

    Me: “The driver is out there now, sir, and has circled around but says he can’t see anyone. Are you by baggage claim at the taxi island?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m by the cabs on the second level.”

    Me: “Wait, second level? Sir, what airport are you at now?”

    Customer: “At San Francisco airport, of course.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not sure how to tell you this, but you’re in San Francisco.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I just said that!”

    Me: “This hotel is in Fresno.”

    Customer: “Yeah, Fresno is like a suburb, right?”

    Me: “We’re about two hours away in central California.”

    Customer: “Oh my God, it’s midnight and I have an interview at 7am in Fresno. I’m screwed!”

    (I directed the customer to information. Thankfully, he was able to find one last rental car place open, and made it just in time to change for his interview.)

    Warning: IQ May Be Inversely Proportional To Wavelength

    | Milan, Italy |

    Guest: “Do you have a macrowave?”

    Me: “You mean a microwave? It’s at the–”

    Guest: “I don’t like your microwave. I need a macrowave.”

    Me: “There’s no such thing as a macrowave.”

    Guest: “Well, your microwave isn’t heating my food fast enough. I want a macrowave instead!”

    Me: “Sorry, but it’s a standard microwave. Perhaps you can check if you have it on a low setting?”

    Guest: “What?”

    Me: “There’s should a dial going from from low to high under the timer dial.”

    Guest: “It’s on low.”

    Me: “Change it to high.”

    Guest: “So, it’s macrowaves now?”

    Me: “No, but your food will now heat faster.”

    Guest: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes. Ring us again if there’s a problem.”

    A Day Of Ups And Downs

    | Freeport, ME, USA |

    Guest: “Excuse me, where is the elevator?”

    Me: “Around the corner and to the right, ma’am.”

    (The guest walks towards the elevator, stops, and comes back to the front desk.)

    Guest: “Sorry, where is the elevator?”

    Me: “See where the carpet starts right over there? It’s right after that, ma’am.”

    (The guest walks towards the elevator again, stops, and returns to the desk.)

    Guest: “Is it in the same place on every floor?”

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