Separate, But (Not) Equal

| Wisconsin, USA | Hotels & Lodging

(I am explaining our different room types to someone who has never stayed with us. The hotel I work for is very small and has a different name for many suites.)

Me: “And lastly, we have our Supreme and Premiere suites, which are our largest units.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “They are exactly the same, except the Supreme is on the left side of the hall and the Premiere is on the right side.”

Customer: “What’s the price difference?”

Me: “They cost the same.”

Customer: “Which one is better?”

Me: “They are exactly the same.”

Customer: “But which one is better?”

Me: “They are the same. Just opposite sides of the hall.”

Customer: “Just tell me which one is better, dear.”

Me: “The Supreme?”

Customer: “Thank you! You’ve been such a sweetheart!”

The Customer Is Always Fright(ened)

| Estes Park, CO, USA | Hotels & Lodging

(The Stanley Hotel is a very nice big hotel in town. It is known to be an inspiration to the book/movie “The Shining”. It is also known to be haunted, and even gives ghost tours.)

Customer: “I demand a refund.”

Assistant Manager: “I’m sorry, was there a problem with your room?”

Customer: “Yes! The ghosts in your hotel are mean. I demand a refund.”

Assistant manager: “I’m sorry, you have already stayed here and had every service our hotel has to offer. I cannot give you a refund. The hotel is known for being haunted, and I am sure you were aware of this going into your visit.”

Customer: “But the ghosts were mean!”

Santa Thanks You For Your Consideration

| Helsinki, Finland | Food & Drink

(A customer is inquiring about restaurants in the vicinity of the hotel and I’ve offered him a few suggestions.)

Customer: “Thank you for your help. Now, I have one more question, if that’s okay?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: “Is all the meat in Helsinki reindeer meat?”

Me: “Do you mean in the Finnish restaurants?”

Customer: “No, everywhere. Is it possible to get beef, or pork, for example?”

Me: “Yes, you can get pretty much any kind of meat here. Reindeer is a specialty meat, even for most Finns.”

Customer: “Oh, ok! I used to live in Alaska and reindeer was the only meat you could get there. Thanks for your help, again!”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

Directions, Compliance Not Included

| Jackson, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

(I work at a hotel. We often get calls asking for directions.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. This is [name], how can I help you?”

Man: “Yeah, I’m in downtown, just leaving [restaurant]. How do I get there? I need to check in.”

(I start giving him directions. After a while, he should be on a certain road and very close by.)

Me: “Okay, sir, so you should be right down the road. If you just keep going straight–”

Man: “You’re not here. There’s nothing here.”

Me: “Okay, what businesses do you see?”

Man: “None, it’s all houses.”

Me: “There shouldn’t be any houses. Did you turn left at the last corner?”

Man: “No, I didn’t do any of your turns.”

Me: “Um, you didn’t turn where I said to? What did you do?”

Man: “You didn’t sound like you knew what you’re talking about, so when you told me to turn one way, I turned another. Now I’m around a bunch of houses!”

Me: “Can you tell me what road you’re on? Or if there are any businesses at all?”

Man: “There are no street signs or businesses!”

Me: “Sir, we have street signs on all roads. If you just go to a corner and tell me–”

Man: “There are no street signs at all. Now just get me back!”

Me: “Sir, I have no idea where you are and if you can’t give me an idea, I can’t get you back here.”

Man: “There are no street signs. How do I get back?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I have no idea.”

(That was a few hours before my shift ended. I never saw him and still sometimes wonder if he made it in since I didn’t know his name to check.)

And He Said, Fiat Lux

| Malibu, CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

(A guest checks into our hotel late at night. About five minutes later, he comes back to the front desk.)

Guest: “My room’s supposed to have a view of the ocean. I can’t see it. Did you put me in the wrong room?”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, it is nighttime…”

Guest: *blank stare*

Me: “Here, I’ll move you to the other ocean view room.”

(I move the guest to the other room. Again, he comes back.)

Guest: “I still can’t see the ocean! I reserved this room specifically for the ocean view!”

Me: “I do apologize. If you still can’t see the ocean in the morning, we’ll give you a discount.”

(The guest reluctantly agrees to this and leaves in a huff. However, he does not return the next morning.)

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