November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

The Price For Room To Improve

| Omaha, NE, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Money

Me: “Good evening, how can I help you?”

Caller: “What are your rooms at for Thursday night?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’ve sold out. Would you—”

Caller: “Okay, but what are the prices?”

Me: “Well, the prices are based on availability, so I can’t give an exact quote, but I can—”

Caller: “What do you mean?! Why can’t you just give me the price?!”

Me: “Well, based on other nights, it would be between $169 and $199, plus the local tax, but we are sold—”

Caller: “No! You’re not hearing me! What’s the exact amount!?!”

Me: “That would be $222.88, ma’am.”

Caller: *in a very condescending tone* “There! That wasn’t so hard, was it!?”

Me: “Uh…”

Caller: “So, how many of those do you have left?”

No Vocation For Location, Part 4

| Chicago, IL, USA | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

(A nice German family is checking into the hotel around 10:30 at night.)

Father: “We have to be up early tomorrow. We’re driving to Disneyland tomorrow.”

Me: “Wow, that’s a heck of a drive. When do you think you’ll get there?”

Father: “I don’t know. I was hoping mid-afternoon.”

Me: “I think you might want to check your directions. California is 2,000 miles away.”

Father: “But it’s just the other side of the country.”

Me: “The US is a big country, sir.”

No Vocation For Location, Part 3
No Vocation For Location, Part 2
No Vocation For Location

Great Service, With Ifs And Butts

| Tampa Bay, FL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

(I am a concierge at an historic hotel in the downtown area, and a common call that I receive is to deal with is customers losing items in the rooms.)

Me: “Hello, and thank you for calling [hotel]. This is [my name]. How can I be of service?”

Caller: “Hello, my name is [name] and I stayed a few nights there last weekend, from Friday to Sunday. I believe I may have, um, left some… jewellery in the room.”

Me: “Ah, well, I would be glad to ring the maid service and have them check their lost and found. Could you describe the item that you’re looking for?”

Caller: “Well, that’s the thing. You see, I kind of want you to be discreet about this.”

Me: “Of course sir; if you wish, I will check for the item myself.”

Caller: “That would be great. Now, what I’m looking for is very expensive; it’s silver with several small diamonds in it.”

Me: “Okay, sir, but what exactly is it?”

Caller: *obviously flustered at this point* “Well, um, it’s a…” *in a whisper* “…butt plug.”

Me: *I wasn’t really sure that I heard what I just heard.* “Excuse me, sir?”

Caller: “A butt plug? You know, for…”

Me:*interrupting* “Oh, yes, yes. I understand. Let me have your contact information and I will check the lost and found. But, to be honest, it is possible that it was thrown away, considering.”

Caller: “Oh, I hope not, that thing was very expensive! To be honest, I really just need to be careful where I leave that thing.”

(I almost died holding back laughter at this point.)

Caller: “Well, if it shows up you can call me at [phone number]. Thank you, young man, you’ve been very helpful. Just let me know!”

Someone Freed Willy

| College Station, TX, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

(I am a manager at a local hotel. I’m manning the phones.) 

Me:” Thank you for calling [hotel name], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello, I stayed at your hotel last weekend. I just wanted to let you know that there was a man without his pants on at the pool area.”

Me: “I’m sorry you had to witness that, sir.”

Caller: “Oh, it’s no problem. It was just awkward because his ‘willy’ was hanging.” 

Me: “Sir?”

Caller: “Well, it must have been a 10-incher because my wife is still talking about it ’til this day!”

Drunkenness Can Give Birth To Wordlessness

| California, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

(A husband and wife are staying at our hotel because they are visiting the wife’s father, whose own wife is giving birth. One evening, the husband and father-in-law come stumbling into our front office.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Husband: “Quick, I need… um…” *turns to father-in-law* “What’s the word…”

Father-In-Law: *shrugs*

(The husband says the word several times in another language. My coworker hears this and approaches.)

Coworker: *to me* “I got it.”

(My coworker speaks to them in the language they were speaking. She then nods, calls them a taxi, and enters a note on their account for the manager.)

Me: “What was that about?”

Coworker: “Well, you know how he and his wife were here to celebrate with her dad?”

Me: “Yes?”

Coworker: “Yeah, well, since his wife is pregnant and can’t drink, he and his father-in-law were in the hotel bar alone. The father-in-law wanted to tell him he was ordering traditional Irish baby gifts when they got a call that his wife had gone into labor.”

Me: “Oh wow! That’s great! Wait… what was he confused about, then?”

Coworker: “Oh, they were too drunk to remember the English words for ‘hospital’ and ‘taxi’.”

Me: “I’m so glad you weren’t on your lunch break!”