The Diva Is Always Right

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging

(At the hotel where I work, we’ve had an influx of stolen credit cards and IDs recently. So, my manager is very strict about only allowing valid state issued ID. A guest calls in one night.)

Guest: “I’m over here at [another hotel chain]. I just flew in from Spain, but my purse got stolen and this jacka*** won’t let me get a room! I don’t mean to brag, but I’m a millionaire. Can I check in at your hotel instead?”

Me: “Not without a valid state issued ID, ma’am.”

Guest: “Oh, so I guess I’m going to have to buy your hotel as well?! You’d better watch out, b****, because I’m going to buy your hotel! You’ve just pissed off THE DIVA! You’ve just been DIVAFIED!” *hangs up*

The DST Fairy Bids Thee Good Morning

| Grapevine, TX, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Math & Science

(I am working in guest care at a hotel. It’s the morning after “springing forward”, and a guest calls down to ask the time.)

Guest: “What’s the current local time?”

Me: “It is 7:45 AM.”

Guest: “Then why does my clock say that time already? Did you send a maid into my room while I was sleeping to set my clock forward?! That is just unacceptable!”

Me: “Sir, the rooms all have atomic clocks that are automatically set by satellite signal.”

Guest: *click*

Checking Out On Capitalism

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Money

(This is graduation week for the college that is a couple blocks away, so our rates are higher than they usually are for this week. Our rates are about 30 dollars less than the average rate of next closest hotel to campus.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I would like a room with two beds for May 11th-14th.”

Me: “Sure, that will be $119 plus tax per night.”

Caller: “What?! That’s ridiculous! I stayed there last month, and it was only $79!”

Me: “Well, our rates do fluctuate based on what is going in the area. Supply and demand, you know?”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, more people want hotel rooms, so the price goes up. That’s how businesses make money.”

Caller: “But you’re a hotel, not a business! I refuse to stay at a place where you jack up the rates to screw people over!” *hangs up*

Less Than Or Equal To Dumb

| Portland, OR, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Math & Science

Guest: “We have a party of six. Will that fit in your hotel’s van?”

Me: “Well, our hotel van has room for eleven.”

Guest: *blank stare*

Me: “So, your party of six will fit.”

Guest: “Oh! Good.”

The Skulls Are Thicker, Too

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(We have a TV in our hotel’s breakfast lounge. A guest is having trouble turning it on with the remote.)

Guest: “Can you turn on the TV please? I can’t find the right button.”

Me: “Of course!” *turns on the TV*

Guest: “Oh, I didn’t know you had to press that button. Our remotes are different in Sudbury, you see.”

Me: “Sudbury has different remotes?”

Guest: *completely serious* “Yes, they’re quite thicker!”

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