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    Interior Design Supports Parental Decline

    | Anaheim, CA, USA |

    (It’s 9 pm and the hotel is sold out. A guest calls from the 8th floor. Note: our rooms have exterior entrances.)

    Me: “Front desk, how can I help you?”

    Guest: “I was wondering, do you had any rooms on a lower floor? My grandson is only two, but he can reach the safety lock. He keeps trying to go outside.”

    Me: “The only rooms we have available tonight are on the 6th floor. I can set you up for a room transfer tomorrow, if you like?

    Guest: “That would be great!”

    Me: “I’ll look for one all the way to the ground floor. Is that okay?”

    Guest: “That would be fine, thank you. I just don’t want my grandson getting outside, you know.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll go ahead and set you up for that. But just to let you know, the ground floor hasn’t been renovated yet. The room is going to be a little outdated. The renovation has only reached the 6th floor.”

    Guest: “Oh really? You know what? Packing all my things up might be a little difficult. It’s okay, never mind!”

    Not The Brightest Spark In The Firework Display

    | CA, USA |

    Me: “Mae speaking. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to come down and stay at your hotel. I want to stay when the Fourth of July fireworks go off. Do you know when that is?”

    Me: “On the…Fourth of July?”

    Customer: “But, that’s on a Tuesday. We want to come on the weekend.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the Fourth of July fireworks show always goes off on the Fourth of July.”

    Customer: *sternly* “Well, I guess you just lost business, didn’t you?!” *click*

    (Dead) Wrong Number

    | Anaheim, CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (We have received dry cleaning, so I call a guest to let him know he can pick it up.)

    Guest: “Steven’s Mortuary: You stab ‘em, we slab ‘em.”

    Me: “Oh…hello. This is the front desk. I was just calling to let you know your dry cleaning is here.”

    Guest: “Oh! Sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

    Me: “That’s okay, sir. That was the most interesting call I’ve had all day.”

    Safe To Say It’s Nacho Brightest Moment

    | Pennsylvania. USA | Top

    Me: “Good evening, guest services. This is ***, how my I assist you?”

    Guest: “This is absolutely ridiculous! You need to get someone up here right now! This God d*** microwave in my room isn’t working! You had better fix this immediately!”

    (Note: our hotel does not have microwaves in guest rooms unless the person is a VIP or if they request one in advance.)

    Me: “I am so sorry, Mr. ***. I can certainly have someone come take a look at it right away. If I may ask, did housekeeping bring this microwave to your room?”

    Guest: “No! It’s the microwave that is in the room! My nachos have been in this d*** thing for over 20 minutes and they’re not even hot yet!”

    Me: “I see, sir. Can you tell me where it’s located in your room?”

    Guest: “It’s the one that’s right under the television! I want my nachos and you better figure this out now!”

    Me: “Sir, is this microwave an off-white color with a keypad on the right of it?”

    Guest: “Yes!”

    Me: “There’s not a little window like a normal microwave would have, is there? It’s just a little digital display screen, right?”

    Guest: “That’s exactly it. It only displays how long I set the time for! I want my nachos 20 minutes ago. Can you get someone up here immediately?! This is absurd!”

    Me: “Again, sir, I apologize that your nachos are not hot. However, I believe I’ve figured out what the problem is. The device you’re placing your nachos in is actually your safe.”

    Guest: “Oh…oh my God. I’m so f***ing stupid!”

    (He actually called back down later and apologized.)

    Poppies And Muffins And Flies, Oh My

    | CA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, it looks like flies have laid eggs in your muffins.”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, those are poppy seeds.”

    Customer: “No they’re not, they can’t be. Poppies are from ‘The Wizard of Oz.’ They’re not real.”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, they’re quite real.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *turns to her approximately 8 year-old
    son*
    “Don’t eat those! They’ll make you fall asleep!”

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