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    Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver

    | CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Religion, Top

    (A former guest calls on phone.)

    Guest: “Hello. My son’s basketball team stayed there yesterday and apparently my son left his sneakers and all of his clothes in the room.”

    Agent: “Ah, yes. I see a bag here the housekeepers dropped off. You will need to contact a next day mail service, have them send us a pre-paid shipping box, and we will have them sent to you.”

    Guest: “WHAT!? I HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT!? You should just sent them to me! Everywhere I’ve ever stayed at before sent things to me I that left behind! This is outrageous!”

    Agent: “I’m sorry, ma’am. This is our hotel’s policy.”

    (The guest slams down phone, but calls back five minutes later.)

    Guest: “I’m sorry I got so upset. You see, I am a Christian missionary on a charity mission and I have very little disposable funds. Please call your boss and kindly ask him to pay for the shipping and tell him to consider it an act of charity. Thankyougodblessyoujesuspleaseplease.”

    (I call the hotel owner, the most frugal man I have ever met and a devout Hindu.)

    Owner: “Call her back tell her we will be very happy to drop her son’s clothes off at a nearby homeless shelter and she and Jesus can feel very good about the clothes being given to people more needy than herself. A wonderful act of charity on her part.”

    (I tell the guest:)

    Guest: “I’ll send the box…”

    Stupidity Is On Fire Today

    | TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    (I and my brother work in a motel. We use traditional metal keys instead of the card keys you often see these days. The locks are old and sometimes door locks can be reluctant to open and you have to jiggle them a little. One day an angry man comes in while we’re working.)

    Customer: “My key doesn’t work! It won’t turn in the lock!”

    Brother: “Yes, sir, sometimes the keys can do that. Try this one.”

    (My brother hands him another key. The customer comes back in shortly thereafter.)

    Customer: “The key you gave me didn’t work either!”

    Brother: “All right, sir. Let me take another one down there and try to unlock the door for you.”

    (My brother goes to the man’s room with him with both keys he had and yet another one. Upon testing all three keys, not one of them gives him any issue at all opening the door. Nonetheless, my brother leaves the newest key with him and tells him that if he has any more trouble, to come back to the office. Later that day, surely enough the man returns.)

    Customer: “YOUR D*** KEYS STILL DON’T WORK! I can’t believe this s***! What if there was a fire?!”

    (My brother and I look at one another trying not to laugh, to which I respond.)

    Me: “Well, sir… if there were a fire, I hope you would be trying to get out of the motel, not in.”

    (The customer looks back at us, turns red-faced, and calms down after that. We take him back to his room and let him in once more. After that we don’t hear from him again.)

    Caught Between A Drunk And A Hard Place

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I am a young female working alone late at night. I’m busy with another customer when a heavily intoxicated man starts yelling sexist and obscene slurs at me, despite his friend trying to pull him away. The customer in front of me turns towards him.)

    Customer: “Hey buddy! F*** off! Can’t you see that she’s not interested?!”

    (The drunk makes a move towards him, but thankfully his friend finally manages, with lots of effort, to finally pull him away.)

    Me: “Thank you. I didn’t know what I was going to do.”

    Customer: “No problem, I always wanted to say that when working in customer service.”

    (We finish with his issue and then…)

    Customer: “So, can I get your number?”

    Me: “Ah, sorry, we’re not allowed to give our numbers to customers.”

    Customer: “Oh well, you missed out. Probably a [gay slur], ain’t ya…” *walks off*

    Me: “…”

    Don’t Assume You Nose Everything

    | Bozeman, MT, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (I have allergies and early spring usually leaves me snuffling and sneezing. Even most meds don’t work well unless they knock me out, which means I can’t take them before work.)

    Customer: “So are you into coke? Because your nose is stuffy.”

    Me: *staring in shock*

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t mean to be rude!”

    Me: “No, it’s allergies. Here are your room keys.”

    (I guess stuffy nose equals illegal drugs.)

    Disturbingly Dense, Part 3

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    Customer: “I’d like to make a complaint. I’ve been here for two nights already, and not once has my room been cleaned! What kind of hotel is this?”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the trouble, ma’am.” *checks with housekeeping* “Ma’am, the housekeeper says that there was a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on your doorknob.”

    Customer: “What? I thought that meant don’t disturb me, not no housekeeping!”

    (I calmly explain it, while she screams for a refund from for not making things clearer. She didn’t get it.)

    Related:
    Disturbingly Dense, Part 2
    Disturbingly Dense

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