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    Inexcretable Behavior

    | UK | Rude & Risque

    Receptionist: “Hello, [hotel]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I need to know if I’m still barred.”

    Receptionist: “I can check that for you. Can I take your name, please?”

    Caller: *gives name*

    Receptionist: “Okay, I’ll just check for you. Out of interest, can I ask why you were barred?”

    Caller: “Aye. I took a sh** in a pint glass.”

    Receptionist: “Yeah, I’d say you’re still barred.”

    Turn Left At Berlin And Just Keep Going

    | Johannesburg, South Africa |

    (The phone rings in reception and I answer. Note that we’re a hotel in South Africa.)

    Caller: “Please give directions to your hotel.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. From which direction will you be coming?”

    Caller: “Germany.”

    The Lion, The Witch, And The Toilet

    | Arizona, USA |

    Me: “Front desk, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Where is the bathroom!?”

    Me: “Are you referring to the lobby bathroom? That’s just down the hall from your room on the right side, towards the lobby.”

    Customer: “No! I mean the bathroom in my room! It doesn’t have one!”

    Me: “I can assure you it does, sir. Have you tried opening the door that you didn’t enter your room through?”

    Customer: “Oh sh**! I thought that lead to another room.” *click*

    Related:
    The Lion, The Witch, And The Supply Cabinet

    Up-Front Desk

    | Perth, West Australia, Australia |

    (A guest is checking in.)

    Guest: “And would it be okay if I bring a prostitute to the room later?”

    Me: *startled* “Uh. Well. I guess if no other guests are in anyway disturbed or affected.”

    Guest: “Well, that’s terrific. She’ll be coming by at about 8:30pm. But if she looks ugly, just send her back without giving her my room number.”

    Stuck In The Wake Of Spring Break

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    Guest: “Do you have any vacancies tonight?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We’re completely booked tonight.”

    Guest: “Do you know if any other hotels in the area have any rooms?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I checked with all the hotels near us, and all of them are completely booked as well. I heard complaints from other people that they couldn’t find hotels anywhere else in town either.”

    Guest: “What’s going on in town that’s causing it to be so busy?”

    Me: “Spring break.”

    Guest: “Oh. I didn’t think so many people would come here for that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What brings you to town?”

    Guest: “Spring break.”

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