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    Directions, Compliance Not Included

    | Jackson, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work at a hotel. We often get calls asking for directions.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. This is [name], how can I help you?”

    Man: “Yeah, I’m in downtown, just leaving [restaurant]. How do I get there? I need to check in.”

    (I start giving him directions. After a while, he should be on a certain road and very close by.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, so you should be right down the road. If you just keep going straight–”

    Man: “You’re not here. There’s nothing here.”

    Me: “Okay, what businesses do you see?”

    Man: “None, it’s all houses.”

    Me: “There shouldn’t be any houses. Did you turn left at the last corner?”

    Man: “No, I didn’t do any of your turns.”

    Me: “Um, you didn’t turn where I said to? What did you do?”

    Man: “You didn’t sound like you knew what you’re talking about, so when you told me to turn one way, I turned another. Now I’m around a bunch of houses!”

    Me: “Can you tell me what road you’re on? Or if there are any businesses at all?”

    Man: “There are no street signs or businesses!”

    Me: “Sir, we have street signs on all roads. If you just go to a corner and tell me–”

    Man: “There are no street signs at all. Now just get me back!”

    Me: “Sir, I have no idea where you are and if you can’t give me an idea, I can’t get you back here.”

    Man: “There are no street signs. How do I get back?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I have no idea.”

    (That was a few hours before my shift ended. I never saw him and still sometimes wonder if he made it in since I didn’t know his name to check.)

    And He Said, Fiat Lux

    | Malibu, CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (A guest checks into our hotel late at night. About five minutes later, he comes back to the front desk.)

    Guest: “My room’s supposed to have a view of the ocean. I can’t see it. Did you put me in the wrong room?”

    Me: *jokingly* “Well, it is nighttime…”

    Guest: *blank stare*

    Me: “Here, I’ll move you to the other ocean view room.”

    (I move the guest to the other room. Again, he comes back.)

    Guest: “I still can’t see the ocean! I reserved this room specifically for the ocean view!”

    Me: “I do apologize. If you still can’t see the ocean in the morning, we’ll give you a discount.”

    (The guest reluctantly agrees to this and leaves in a huff. However, he does not return the next morning.)

    There’s Safe And Then There’s Safer

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    (Our college is located in one of the top three safest metropolitan areas in the US for a few years running. We’ve just checked-in a team of high school girls for a huge sports tournament.)

    Chaperone: “There’s no way my team can stay here! Our rooms are motel-style. Anything could happen to our girls! How do I know they’ll be safe?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’ve never experienced any thefts or any other crimes at this hotel. This entire town is quite safe, I assure you.”

    Chaperone: “That’s not good enough! How do you know nothing will happen?”

    (I look down at the guest’s reservation to notice their team is from the Bronx.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, this isn’t exactly the Bronx.”

    (The guest’s jaw drops. Not knowing what to say, she walks away and doesn’t complain again during her stay.)

    As White As Our Sheets

    | Durant, OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    Guest: “I think my room might be haunted.”

    Me: “Excuse…me?”

    Guest: “It’s haunted. Can I move to a new room?”

    Me: “Um, yes. I can do that for you.”

    Guest: “Could you check the new room first? Make sure there is no bad energy?”

    Me: “I can try, sir…”

    Call 911: We’ve Got A Serious Case Of Insensitivity

    | Alberta, Canada | Hotels & Lodging

    (I am a supervisor at a hotel in the Canadian Rockies. This particular day, I am on duty alone and on the phone with a caller when this takes place.)

    Guest: *shouting* “Call 911 now!”

    (I glance up from the phone call to see that a guest has collapsed in the lobby.)

    Me, on the phone: “There is an emergency and I need to put you on hold.”

    (I put him on hold to call 911. I alert the paramedics and begin first aid on the fallen guest. In the meantime, my boss goes behind the desk to assist other clients. He notices there is a call on hold and picks up.)

    Boss: “Yes, sir. I understand, sir, however, there is a legitimate emergency taking place in the lobby as I speak which she had to attend to.”

    Caller: *inaudible*

    Boss: “Yes, I understand your time is important, as is your business, however, I am sure you can appreciate why she was called away so abruptly.”

    Caller: *inaudible*

    Boss: “That’s fine, sir, you can have your lawyer contact us if you deem it necessary.”


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