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    Seoul Much For That Brilliant Idea

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Love/Romance, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a caucasian female working as a concierge in a hotel in Chicago, but I grew up in Korea. This particular group of guests has been causing havoc their entire stay, stealing items and bothering other patrons in the halls. One night, the television in the lounge has been smashed, so my boss calls the police on them. They are sitting on the sofa while the officer is trying to get their details. Before every answer, the guests converse amongst themselves in Korean.)

    Officer: “Where are you boys from?”

    Guest #1: *in Korean* “Tell him we’re from Japan!”

    Guest #2: “Uh, Japan. Yeah.”

    Me: *in perfect Korean* “You guys better tell him the truth. He’s going to find out anyway.”

    (They are in shock. But before they sputter out an excuse, the policeman says…)

    Officer: *in perfect Korean* “That’s okay. We’ll get it from their passports.”

    (And that was how I met my now fiancé. The guests, by the way, spent the rest of the night at HIS workplace instead of mine.)

    Not Always Rights

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m the front office manager of an upscale hotel.)

    Me: “Good morning, I am the manager on duty. I heard that you wanted to speak with me?”

    Customer: “Yes! There were long lines for the elevators this morning, and it caused me to miss breakfast with the rest of my group!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, today we have about 600 people checking out, and if they all attempt to leave at the same time that could cause some waits for the elevators.”

    Customer: “Well, what are you going to do for me?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we really cannot control when our guests decide to come and go. The hotel did not cause your misfortune, so I really cannot compensate you.”

    Customer: “What do you mean you can’t control when they come and go? You booked all of these people up! You knew they would be leaving on the same day! Why did you let them all leave on the same day?”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I explained, we have no way of telling our guests when they are allowed to leave. I’m sorry you missed your breakfast, but the best that I can do is offer you my apologies.”

    Customer: “You have to give me something! I read online that if you complain about anything at a hotel, they have to give you something! IT’S THE LAW!”

    Everything’s Backward In Texas

    | Texas, USA | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [name of hotel]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, this is going to be my first trip to Texas and I need to know a few things.”

    Me: “Of course, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Okay, you all have beds, right? Or do we sleep in hay?”

    Me: “Um, we have both full size and queen beds in our rooms.”

    Caller: “Okay, good! Now, what about air condition? I hear it’s hot in Texas.”

    Me: “All our rooms have air conditioners along with fans.”

    Caller: “Okay, good. Now what about ice? You do have ice in Texas, right?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do have ice.”

    Caller: “Great! You guys have finally caught up with the times. Thank you!” *hangs up*

    Weekly Roundup: Lost & Confused

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Geography, Roundups

    Lost & Confused: This week, we feature five stories of customers who are “geographically disadvantaged!”

    1. For The Love Of God, Get GPS:
      An employee serves as a human GPS for one completely lost customer!
    2. More Cars Than Common Sense:
      A couple thinks they lost their car, when they’ve really lost their minds.
    3. For The Love Of God, Get GPS, Part 2:
      This confused hotel guest puts the “duh” in Cana-duh!
    4. At The Corner Of Me & Myself:
      We need more than your living room to locate you, sir.
    5. The Great State Of Confusion, Part 4:
      An airline passenger ends up in New Orleans, LA–Los Angeles, that is!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Hot Tub Size Machine

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (I work as a lifeguard at a swimming pool in a hotel. On the pool deck, we also have a large hot tub. As a rule, kids aren’t allowed in the tub for more than 15 minutes due to health hazards. I notice a kid, no older than six, who has been in the tub longer than 15 minutes.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, young man, but you are going to have to get out of the hot tub now.”

    Kid: “No!”

    Kid’s Mom: “Sweety, you need to come back in the pool now. The nice lady said that you had to get out.”

    Kid: “I don’t wanna!”

    (His mom gives me this lost, “no clue what to do” look.)

    Me: “Hey, I know you are a big, strong, tough guy and all, and you can probably handle a lot worse than me. However, I gotta tell you: the thing about these hot tubs is that they stunt your growth.”

    Kid: *worried* “What does that mean?”

    Me: “It means that you shrink. I remember when I was your age, I hung out in a hot tub for twenty minutes, and I shrank to the size of a Barbie doll. Never did grow back to my original size, either.”

    (The kid looks more than a little worried now, but obviously still doesn’t want to get out.)

    Me: “…And to be honest, you look a little smaller than you did when you first got in.”

    (I have never seen someone get out of a hot tub so fast in my life.)

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