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    Beam Me Up Some Common Sense

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Hotels & Lodging

    (I pick-up the incoming phone calls when my rooms coordinator is out to lunch.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How may I help you?

    Guest: “Is this lost and found?”

    Me: “Yes. How may I help you?”

    Guest: “Thank god! I left my laptop in my room yesterday when I checked out and I need it back!”

    (I knew there was a laptop there that had been found the day before, and that, strangely, it had been left under the bed. After confirming the guest’s name, room number, and that it was really her laptop we had here, I start to explain to the guest that we could arrange for pick-up of the item by her or have it shipped via carrier.)

    Guest: “Oh, no, you HAVE to ship it. I’m back in [Next Province Over] and I need it fast!”

    Me: “Very well. If you give me your credit card information I can arrange for pick-up by [Carrier] later on today and have it sent express…”

    Guest: “No, no, not later on today. I need it NOW!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but even the fastest express delivery service is not going to be able to get it to you in much less than 24 hours.”

    Guest: “But you don’t understand! I work at a radio station. All my work stuff is on my laptop and I’m going on the air in 40 minutes, which I CANNOT DO if I don’t have MY LAPTOP!”

    Me: *wondering why then, if her laptop was SO vital to her, did she not notice it missing before now* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but until someone makes the Star Trek transporter a reality, the fastest we can get it to you is 24 hours!”

    Failed At The Name Game

    | Yakima, WA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    Me: “Thank you for calling the Yakima Hotel. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I would like to talk to the front desk of your Yakima, Washington location.”

    Me: “Yes, this is the front desk. My name is [My Name].”

    Caller: “Okay, I need you to transfer me to someone at the front desk.”

    Me: “Yes, this is the front desk. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Oh, okay. What’s your name?”

    Me: “…”


    Failed At The Name Game

    Employees Who Have Spirit

    | GA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Money, Tourists/Travel

    (I am a hotel concierge, and a few customers are talking about the prices of late-night ghost tours of the city.)

    Customer: “What’s the price of [Tour #1]?”

    Me: “That one is [Expensive Price], and it’s inside an air-conditioned trolley that goes through most of downtown.”

    Customer: “What’s the price of [Tour #2?]”

    Me: “That one’s [Cheap Price], and it’s a walking tour inside of a graveyard. There’s also a tour in a modified hearse that’s [Cheaper Price], and it’s the most economical.”

    Customer: “Well, what tour can I get for two dollars?”

    (Most of the prices are over twenty dollars, and my mother has a strange way of dealing with customers that try to lowball the prices.)

    Me: “For two dollars, I’ll take your family into the bathroom, turn off the lights, and go ‘WoooOOOooooOOO!’ like a ghost.”

    Speaking Up Can Get You Down

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging

    Me: “Hello, this is [Hotel] in [City, State]. My name is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?”

    Caller: *with kids screaming in background, on a busy highway, on speaker* “WHAT?! SPEAK UP! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

    His Logic Has Checked Out

    | CO, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (I am working at the front desk at about 10 pm. An older gentleman approaches.)

    Me: “How can I help you? ”

    Guest: “I want to check out now.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. Why leaving so early?”

    Guest: “Oh, I’m still going to be in the room till tomorrow morning.”

    Me: “…Then I’m sorry, sir. I can’t check you out tonight, as our system would then tell us your room would be vacant.”

    Guest: “But I want to check out now! Not tomorrow morning.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t do that. See, what room are you in?”

    Guest: “Room 000.”

    Me: “So, if I check you out now and another person comes in and wants a room, I can say ‘Sure! Room 000 is open.’ You understand?”

    Guest: “But I don’t want to do it tomorrow! I want to check out now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you can’t check out until you’re leaving the hotel.”

    Guest: “Well, I can see I’m getting nowhere.” *stomps off talking about how stupid I am*

    Coworker: “Maybe we should send another guest to 000 and when he yells at us for THAT tell him we checked him out like he asked.”

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