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  • At Lagerheads, Part 3

    | Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work the night shift at an upscale long-term stay hotel. I am delivering all the bills underneath the doors when I encounter a guest holding two beers and a water from my market in the lobby. State law prohibits me from selling alcohol of any kind after midnight.)

    Guest: “Hi. Do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes, I do, sir. How may I help you?”

    Guest: “I just wanted to let you know, I got these from the market. I left a note to charge them to my room, 235.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but I cannot charge those beers. I actually have to take them back, as I’m not allowed to sell alcohol after midnight.”

    Guest: “It’s not that long after midnight.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s almost two in the morning. It’s actually state law, not company policy, so my hands are really tied. Again, I’m sorry.”

    Guest: “Just charge them in the morning.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I really can’t do that. It’s because we sell the beer retail; we don’t serve it.”

    Guest: “This is ridiculous. I’m taking the beers. You can do it just this once. I won’t tell anyone.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry. I have you on camera taking the beer. It would show up on my shift audit, which my manager reviews daily. If I let you take that I will lose my job.”

    Guest: “That’s not my problem; you should have been there when I was taking them out of the cooler.”

    Me: “Sir, if you don’t give me those beers, I’ll be forced to return to my desk and call the police.”

    Guest: “What?! Why?!”

    Me: “You didn’t pay for those beers, and you’re being very belligerent about breaking state law. I know your room number, which means I know your name and have a copy of your ID on file. I suggest you reconsider how thirsty you really are.”

    (He gave me the beers.)

    Related:
    At Lagerheads, Part 2
    At Lagerheads

    He Has A Potty Dance But No Potty Mouth

    | Washington, DC, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (A well-dressed businessman in a suit comes over to check in. He’s acting very strangely; he’s jumping down on one leg, then the other, and twirling around. His face is red and sweaty, though it’s not a very hot day, and he is panting slightly. I figure he’s just weird, and give him his keys. He SPRINTS off. I turn to a coworker.)

    Me: “What was his problem? Why was he acting like that?”

    Coworker: “Like what?”

    Me: “You saw him.”

    Coworker: “Oh, he probably had to go to the bathroom or something.”

    Me: “Oh! Well why didn’t he say so? There are bathrooms down here in the lobby.”

    (Suddenly, the same customer is back. His face is now purple.)

    Customer: “KEYS! NOT WORKING!”

    (He throws the keys in my face, and sprints off towards the lobby bathrooms.)

    Coworker: “See?”

    An Upgrade Is In Her Suite Dreams

    | MI, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals

    (Our hotel rules state that while pets are not allowed, we make exceptions for service animals. A blind guest checks in with his Seeing Eye dog. I ask my coworker to take care of him, as I have a slight pet allergy. Not more than an hour later, another guest comes rushing towards me at the front desk, gasping and wheezing terribly.)

    Guest: “There…” *gasps* “…is …a f****** dog in the hotel!”

    Me: “Yes, it belongs to a man who’s legally blind.”

    Guest: *coughs* “You said on your website that you don’t allow pets! I demand to be moved! I have severe allergies!” *gasps for breath* “That d*** mutt could kill me!”

    (I’m stumped by this, as the guest in front of me is in a room on the second floor, while we checked the man with the service dog in on a room on the opposite end of the third floor. Nevertheless, she looks to be in a bad state, so I do my best to help.)

    Me: “Well we can certainly do that. I have another single bedroom on the fourth floor, far away from where there’ll be any—”

    Guest: “No!” *coughs* “I want a suite! I deserve a free room at least for having my life endangered like this!”

    (She grabs the desk and dramatically clutches her throat.)

    Guest: “Merciful Jesus…” *gasp* “…can’t f****** breathe!”

    Me: “Ma’am, why don’t you sit down while I call 911. Where in your room do you have your medication, so we can at least give you something to help while we wait?”

    Guest: “Medication? I don’t have any medication.”

    Me: “Your allergies are so severe that you’re suffering an attack, despite not even being on the same floor as the person with the dog. Yet you don’t have anything to help treat your condition?”

    (The guest noticeably stops with all the coughing and gasping, and looks at me.)

    Me: “I myself suffer from pet allergies, albeit minor ones. Even I had to go in the back and take something when that man came to check in with his dog.”

    Guest: “So… you’re not going to give me a free suite?”

    Me: “The only ones currently available are on the third floor. If anything, you’d be exposing yourself to even greater danger by being in closer proximity to the dog.”

    Guest: “God f****** d*** it!”

    (The guest storms out, apparently now feeling much better.)

    Not Behaving Like An Adult

    | Pine Grove, PA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Money

    (I have just checked a guest in at a discounted rate. After 20 minutes, the guest calls me at the front desk.)

    Guest: “You’ve charged me $199! You said my rate was $109!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, let me bring up your reservation to make sure I didn’t make a mistake.”

    (The guest grunts, but lets me check.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks like I didn’t make a mistake. You will see an authorization for $136.36 until your card is actually charged. We authorize for more just in case you have any incidentals at the end of your stay.”

    Guest: “Listen to what I’m telling you; I’ve been overcharged!”

    Me: “Please come to the front desk so I can see your receipt.”

    (The guest comes down, and slams a receipt on the desk that doesn’t look anything like what we give out.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this receipt is for [Adult Store]. You must have gotten the receipts mixed up. Here is a new one for your stay here; have a great night!”

    Getting Into Her Good Books

    | New Zealand | Awesome Customers, Books & Reading

    (I am checking out a friendly, talkative lady. We discover we both are avid readers, and discuss the pros and cons of e-readers. I offer her a free internet code to download a book onto her e-reader, just because she’s being so nice.)

    Customer: “Is it okay to leave my bags here for an hour or two?”

    Me: “Of course! Leave them for as long as you like.”

    Customer: “Thanks!”

    (She comes back later, and drops a very expensive new release book on the counter.)

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t understand?”

    Customer: “It’s for you! I’ve finished it already. I don’t have the space to take it back. Besides, after the internet code, I have a book to read on the plane anyway!”

    Me: “Oh! This is really just too kind. I couldn’t!”

    Customer: “Nonsense! Thank you so much for your help this morning. I remembered you said how much you loved a real book, so here you are. Have a wonderful day!”

    (It wasn’t the gift that choked me up. It was the fact she had actually listened and paid attention to our conversations that was so heart warming. Thank you lovely lady!)

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