Weathering The Storm Of Stupidity

| NH, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

(I’m the night auditor at a small hotel. It’s four am, and a thunderstorm is passing through the area. The phone at the front desk rings.)

Me: “Front desk. How can I help you?”

Caller: “What was that loud noise that woke me up?”

Me: “There’s a thunderstorm going through the area right now.”

Caller: “Can you make it stop?”

Me: “Ma’am, if I could control the weather, I would rule the world.”

This Customer Did A One-Eighty

| USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

(I’m new, and I have just finished helping a guest with directions to his room. He disappears into the elevator, and after a few minutes, returns.)

Guest: “That elevator is BROKEN!”

Me: “Huh? What do you mean, sir?”

Guest: “I mean, I went in there, pressed the button for my floor, and the elevator went to my floor but the DOORS didn’t OPEN!”

Me: “Did you turn around?”

Guest: “Turn around?!”

Me: “Yes. The doors open behind you.”

(The guest stares at me, and then disappears back into the elevator. He doesn’t return.)

Coworker: “Wow. In the five years I’ve been working here, that is the first time that has happened…”

Doesn’t Know Their Rights

| CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

(I get a call around 2 am from a caller not staying at the hotel. I’m not busy so I help her anyway. The caller is articulate, but not exactly polite.)

Caller: “I’m looking for a bar to the right of your hotel.”

Me: “[Bar] is out in front of our building. Is that what you mean?”

Caller: “NO! The one to the RIGHT of your hotel!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is only a river on the right hand side of our building. If you give me even part of a name or any more information I can probably find it for you.”

Caller: “Look. Can you ask someone else? I know it’s there.”

(We go back and forth about this for a good ten minutes in which she escalates to saying that people like me shouldn’t have jobs. She laughs at me and demands she be transferred to a slightly fancier hotel a few miles away.)

Caller: “Just transfer me to [Other Hotel]! THEY’LL know what I’m talking about.”

Me: “With all respect, they are not near here and are unlikely to know about bars in this area.”

Caller: “JUST TRANSFER ME!”

(I do, and after fifteen minutes I call the other hotel to apologize for sending her to them. The employee at the other hotel cracks up laughing immediately at mention of the woman.)

Employee: “Oh, my god! She was crazy! I told her I didn’t know of any bar around there and she told me that she was going to ‘take this to the press!'”

Efficiency Deficiency

| USA | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging

(I’ve always prided myself in my fast service. Also, it should be noted that I always treat each guest the same, since they are all equally important in my eyes. One day, I’m checking in a lady at top speed.)

Me: “Here is your key, and have a nice day!”

Lady: *puckers face* “How rude!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Lady: “It’s like… you just want me out of your way! Well, excuuuuse me to be a bother! Hmph!”

(She storms off. I figure she took offense at my speed and decide to be slower at the next customer.)

Me: “Hi. How are you?”

Next Guest: *impatiently* “Enough with the small talk and give me my room!”

Me: *sighs*

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Hotels & Lodging, Money, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(An American guest approaches me at my desk.)

Me: “Morning, sir! What can I do for you?”

Guest: “Hi there! I’m going to rent a car today to drive around the highlands. Could you just tell me how much gas costs here?”

Me: “Gas? As in petroleum? Sure. Petrol here is about £1 a litre.”

Guest: “How much is that in gallons though?”

Me: “Well, as far as I know, there is slightly less than four litres in a gallon. So about £4 a gallon I suppose.”

Guest: “Awesome, that’s $2 a gallon! That’s cheap!”

Me: “Sir, the exchange rate is currently $2 to £1, so it is in fact equal to $8 a gallon.”

Guest: “Pfft! I doubt that. The dollar is the strongest currency in the world!”

Me: “Well, it’s the largest reserve currency, but I assure you the rates are as I described.”

Guest: “You know, considering you work with tourists, you should probably know the exchange rate a little better, son! Don’t they teach you math in high school?!”

Me: “They do, sir.”

Guest: “Not well enough!”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

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