When I was working at a credit card processor’s help desk, I got a call from a small motel saying their credit card machine was not connecting. This was back in the day when they dialed out on a phone line. The caller said she’d plugged a phone into the line the machine used and successfully called a friend of hers, which put her head and shoulders above the typical caller.

Me: “Is the phone still plugged into that line?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Dial [number]. That’s the number the machine actually calls. It’s toll-free even though it doesn’t look it.”

Caller: “Oh! I got a recording saying our [Phone Company] long-distance bill hasn’t been paid, and it wants me to call a number to arrange payment. I’m so embarrassed!”

Me: “Don’t be. It’s not your fault the darn phone bill went unpaid.”

Our customer service number was an 800 number, so their local carrier put it through directly, but it didn’t recognize the machine’s weird toll-free number, so it transferred it to their long-distance carrier, who balked at placing the call.

I am a white woman approached by a white guest in our lobby. She engages me in conversation, and it soon becomes apparent she’s trying to make it very racially charged.

Guest: “They’re just trying to take away our culture! Doesn’t that bother you?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m really not worried about anybody coming for our trailer parks and chili dogs.”

Her silence was interrupted only by the receptionist snorting behind the desk, trying to contain herself.

I work in a seasonal hotel in a Canadian National Park. Being seasonal, we have a lot of college students and international workers who come out for the season.

We’re in a beautiful, historic hotel with a large, open lobby and floor-to-ceiling glass windows that overlook the lake and mountains. By these windows is our afternoon tea dining area.

And then storms over our grumpy old man…

Grumpy Man: “I have a complaint about one of your afternoon tea servers!”

Me: “Oh, goodness, I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask what happened?”

Grumpy Man: “Well… she was very polite and attentive, and the food was delicious. However, I didn’t appreciate her using a fake British accent.”

I am confused as I know my staff is more professional than that.

Me: “Oh, dear. May I ask who your server was?”

Grumpy Man: [Server]

Me: *Taking a deep breath* “Well, sir, she is from Australia, so while I don’t believe she would use a fake accent, she does have one.”

Grumpy Man: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?!”

Me: “All our name tags say where we’re from, sir.”

And with that, he rushed back over to the dining area — I hope to give her a better tip!

I work at a small timeshare, and I’m fairly new at it. A lady came to check in recently, and the first thing she asked me was if we had a pack-and-play. I am thirty-one, no kids, no interest in kids, know nothing about kids, and never want kids. I don’t even have friends who have babies or kids. I had no idea what this thing was.

Me: *Politely* “What is a pack-and-play?”

She immediately started screaming at me.

Lady: “When I made the reservation, they promised we had one!”

I had to interrupt her rant.

Me: “I’m sure we do have one, ma’am. I just don’t know what it is.”

She finally explains. It’s a stupid crib.

Me: “Okay. If it’s not already in the room, I will go get you one.”

I texted my property manager, and she verified that we had a pack-and-play and that it should already be in the lady’s room. She left.

[Property Manager] called me hours later. Apparently, the woman called and complained to our corporate about me because I didn’t know what a pack-and-play was. Corporate called my [Property Manager] and pretty much laid into her about training her employees better. She stood up for me and told them, “She doesn’t have kids. How the h*** is she supposed to know what that is?”

People are insane, and timeshare people are the most entitled people I’ve ever met.

A guy came in to check into our hotel. He said he’d stayed here before, but his phone number pulled up a different profile, so the system wouldn’t let me remove the rewards program attached, and I had to cancel the walk-in I was creating and restart the process.

The guest was making comments about how he knew a guy who had worked here about a year before. I couldn’t recall anyone, so I just nodded my head. He had to use the little men’s room, too.

Then, he decided to say:

Guest: “I remember another thing about your hotel: the check-in took forever.” *Groans*

I just smiled and apologized for the delay, stared at the screen — one click away from taking payment information — and decided to start all over again.

I had given him a complimentary upgrade because I was in a good mood. DENIED. I dropped him down to the lowest quality room in the s***tiest area.

I was working on giving him a discount. REJECTED. I hit him with the lovely “I’m an a**hole” fee instead.

I was going to speed through the check-in progress as fast as humanly possible. NOPE. I just stared at the computer screen and made “hmms” and mouse-clicking sounds.