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    No Room For Negotiation

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (My hotel is the only one near a very busy pavilion. During concert season, we book up solid.)

    Me: “Hello. May I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I need a room.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we have no more.”

    Caller: “WHAT! You’re lying.”

    Me: “I’m not.”

    Caller: “Yes, you are. You have rooms left. Aren’t you still waiting on people to show up?”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Caller: “Well then, give me their room! I’m here, and they’re not!”

    Me: “I can’t.”

    Caller: “WHY NOT!”

    Me: “Because they’ve reserved that room. I have to hold it for a few more hours. If they still don’t show until then, you may have it.”

    Caller: “That’s stupid! You’re just being mean!”

    Me: “No, what’s ‘mean’ is if I gave you their room that they booked. How would you like it if I gave one of your rooms that you booked?”

    Caller: *blank stare*

    Me: “Exactly…”

    Caller: “You just lost some money!” *storms off*

    (The reservation did show, so we didn’t.)

    Not A Fan Of The Fan

    | CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (I am working the front desk at my hotel, when one of the guests comes up.)

    Me: “Good morning! Do you need to check out?”

    Customer: “Yes, but I want to complain.”

    Me: “Oh, dear. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Well, the fan in the bathroom is very loud, and it kept me up all night!”

    Me: “It did? I’ll leave a note for maintenance. That’s strange, though. It wouldn’t turn off at all?”

    Customer: “No! I thought it was on a timer or something, but it just kept running all night long!”

    Me: “That’s very odd. Was it running when you entered the room?”

    Customer: “No, it turned on when I… flipped… the…” *blinks a bit in realization* “Oh! Well, poop!”

    Me: “…turned on the light in the bathroom?”

    Customer: “Yup. Sorry to bother you!”

    The Key To Karma

    | VA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (A sour-looking customer comes in to check in. Throughout, I try to remain polite and friendly, but he just grunts and snatches his key out of my hand and goes up to his room. A few minutes later, he storms back in, and flings the keycards at me.)

    Customer: “THESE KEYS DON’T WORK!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that; maybe I made a mistake keying them.”

    (I check the system.)

    Me: “Huh, these say that they are working. Are you sure that you went to the right room?”

    Customer: “I went to 510!”

    Me: “It says 518.”

    (The customer turns pale, snatches the keys again, and storms off. I don’t hear from him again, so I guess he got the right room. Meanwhile, I get a nasty call from the person who was in room 510, saying that someone had tried to break down her door, screaming!)

    Suite Deal Turns Sour

    | Tasmania, Australia | Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging, Money, Top

    (Our CEO has just upgraded a guest and her husband from our basic room to our penthouse suites after having lunch with a mutual friend. Our basic rooms go for $150 a night, and the penthouses are $1000 a night. We require the guests to pay for two nights ($300) on check-in. I have just gone through the payment process, and have given the guest information about the hotel and our facilities. The guest’s husband has walked away to collect their bags.)

    Guest: “So is breakfast included in my room cost?”

    Me: “No, it’s not. However the penthouse has full kitchen facilities, so I can direct you to a store down the road if you would prefer to make your own.”

    Guest: “You expect me to pay extra for breakfast?!”

    Me: “Well ma’am, as I said, you do have other options. There are also quite a lot of nice places for breakfast within a five minute walk if you would prefer that.”

    Guest: “You little b****! I’ve already paid a ridiculous amount for this penthouse! You will give me free breakfast, or I’ll get your stupid a** fired.”

    Me: “Ma’am, a two night stay in our penthouses usually costs $2000; you have paid $300. If you would prefer to pay the additional $1700, I will gladly include breakfast in this cost.”

    (The guest starts to yell, calling me nasty names, and threatening to get me fired. When I still don’t give her what she wants, she grabs the room key and storms off. Her husband walks back into reception to see her storming away. The husband looks back to me.)

    Guest’s Husband: *sighs* “She’s done it again, huh?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; what do you mean?”

    Guest’s Husband: “We were upgraded at our last hotel, too. The receptionist there had that exact same look on her face. What did she say to you?”

    Me: “She was unhappy that we charge extra for breakfast.”

    Guest’s Husband: “Don’t worry; we’ll be paying for breakfast. I’m sorry if she was rude.”

    Me: “It’s not a problem at all, sir. I hope you enjoy your stay.”

    (The guest’s husband leaves. About 20 minutes later, both guests come through reception on their way to our restaurant. The husband smiles and waves to me, and, with a pointed look at his wife, continues on his way. The guest stops at the desk, and I prepare myself for another dose of name calling.)

    Guest: “I’m sorry about earlier. My husband says you were very polite to him, even after I was so rude to you.”

    Me: “Not a problem at all, ma’am. I hope you enjoy your stay with us. If you need anything, please just let us know.”

    (The guest nods, and walks away. I don’t see either guest again for the remainder of their stay. On the day they leave, I get a call from my CEO for an urgent meeting. Apparently, the guest felt so bad that she told my boss about what happened. I’ve now been given a raise, and a complimentary stay in the penthouses!)

    Taking A Dip In The Deep End

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    Me: “Hi! Are you checking in?”

    Elderly Wife: “Well, we may be. We’d like to see one of your rooms.”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    (After establishing which type of room they’d like to see, the elderly husband takes the key and starts heading toward the room.)

    Elderly Wife: “I’m sorry; I know this is unusual. But my husband always needs to check the water level in the commodes. If it’s too high, he sometimes… dips in.”

    (The husband comes back.)

    Elderly Husband: “Let’s try the place across the street…”

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