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    Everything’s Backward In Texas

    | Texas, USA | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [name of hotel]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, this is going to be my first trip to Texas and I need to know a few things.”

    Me: “Of course, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Okay, you all have beds, right? Or do we sleep in hay?”

    Me: “Um, we have both full size and queen beds in our rooms.”

    Caller: “Okay, good! Now, what about air condition? I hear it’s hot in Texas.”

    Me: “All our rooms have air conditioners along with fans.”

    Caller: “Okay, good. Now what about ice? You do have ice in Texas, right?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do have ice.”

    Caller: “Great! You guys have finally caught up with the times. Thank you!” *hangs up*

    Weekly Roundup: Lost & Confused

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Geography, Roundups

    Lost & Confused: This week, we feature five stories of customers who are “geographically disadvantaged!”

    1. For The Love Of God, Get GPS:
      An employee serves as a human GPS for one completely lost customer!
    2. More Cars Than Common Sense:
      A couple thinks they lost their car, when they’ve really lost their minds.
    3. For The Love Of God, Get GPS, Part 2:
      This confused hotel guest puts the “duh” in Cana-duh!
    4. At The Corner Of Me & Myself:
      We need more than your living room to locate you, sir.
    5. The Great State Of Confusion, Part 4:
      An airline passenger ends up in New Orleans, LA–Los Angeles, that is!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Hot Tub Size Machine

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (I work as a lifeguard at a swimming pool in a hotel. On the pool deck, we also have a large hot tub. As a rule, kids aren’t allowed in the tub for more than 15 minutes due to health hazards. I notice a kid, no older than six, who has been in the tub longer than 15 minutes.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, young man, but you are going to have to get out of the hot tub now.”

    Kid: “No!”

    Kid’s Mom: “Sweety, you need to come back in the pool now. The nice lady said that you had to get out.”

    Kid: “I don’t wanna!”

    (His mom gives me this lost, “no clue what to do” look.)

    Me: “Hey, I know you are a big, strong, tough guy and all, and you can probably handle a lot worse than me. However, I gotta tell you: the thing about these hot tubs is that they stunt your growth.”

    Kid: *worried* “What does that mean?”

    Me: “It means that you shrink. I remember when I was your age, I hung out in a hot tub for twenty minutes, and I shrank to the size of a Barbie doll. Never did grow back to my original size, either.”

    (The kid looks more than a little worried now, but obviously still doesn’t want to get out.)

    Me: “…And to be honest, you look a little smaller than you did when you first got in.”

    (I have never seen someone get out of a hot tub so fast in my life.)

    The Diva Is Always Right

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging

    (At the hotel where I work, we’ve had an influx of stolen credit cards and IDs recently. So, my manager is very strict about only allowing valid state issued ID. A guest calls in one night.)

    Guest: “I’m over here at [another hotel chain]. I just flew in from Spain, but my purse got stolen and this jacka*** won’t let me get a room! I don’t mean to brag, but I’m a millionaire. Can I check in at your hotel instead?”

    Me: “Not without a valid state issued ID, ma’am.”

    Guest: “Oh, so I guess I’m going to have to buy your hotel as well?! You’d better watch out, b****, because I’m going to buy your hotel! You’ve just pissed off THE DIVA! You’ve just been DIVAFIED!” *hangs up*

    The DST Fairy Bids Thee Good Morning

    | Grapevine, TX, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Math & Science

    (I am working in guest care at a hotel. It’s the morning after “springing forward”, and a guest calls down to ask the time.)

    Guest: “What’s the current local time?”

    Me: “It is 7:45 AM.”

    Guest: “Then why does my clock say that time already? Did you send a maid into my room while I was sleeping to set my clock forward?! That is just unacceptable!”

    Me: “Sir, the rooms all have atomic clocks that are automatically set by satellite signal.”

    Guest: *click*


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