(I am checking out an elderly woman. Off to the side is a younger woman, waiting impatiently and tapping her foot.)

Impatient customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m just finishing up with this lady here, and I’ll be right with you.”

(The impatient customer lets out a loud sigh, and walks out the door. She talks to her boyfriend. He then comes in.)

Impatient customer’s boyfriend: “What the h***, bro? Were you just rude to my woman?”

Me: “No, actually. Quite the opposite. Your friend was rude to this lady here as I was still waiting on her.”

Impatient customer’s boyfriend: “Whatever, bro. You’re lucky I don’t come over there and kick your a**.”

(The elderly customer claps, looking at me.)

Elderly customer: “I’ll stay and watch and be your witness!”

(The boyfriend doesn’t know what to say, and then hesitantly leaves.)

Me: “Front desk, this is [me].”

Guest: “Is this the front desk?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. What can I do for you?”

Guest: “Is it okay to get in the hot tub?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It is open 24 hours.”

Guest: “Okay. I was just checking because there seem to be bubbles in it.”

Me: “No, that’s normal.”

Guest: “I’ll call you if it’s a problem.” *click*

(I am serving drinks in the hotel’s restaurant before the start of a meal.)

Guest: “Can I charge this to room 1?”

Me: “Actually, no. You can’t.”

Guest: “Why ever not?”

Me: “Because that’s actually my room.”

Related:
Inn-Experienced Guest, Part 2
Inn-Experienced Guest

(A guest picks up the house phone in the hallway. The call goes directly to the front desk.)

Me: “Front desk, how may I help you?”

Guest: *confused and disappointed* “Oh. The sign said ‘house phone’. I thought it would…um…call my house.”

Me: *seriously dumbfounded*

Guest: “I guess not.” *click*

Receptionist: “Hello, [hotel]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need to know if I’m still barred.”

Receptionist: “I can check that for you. Can I take your name, please?”

Caller: *gives name*

Receptionist: “Okay, I’ll just check for you. Out of interest, can I ask why you were barred?”

Caller: “Aye. I took a sh** in a pint glass.”

Receptionist: “Yeah, I’d say you’re still barred.”