November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

This Conversation Has No Cardinal Directions

| ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Hotels & Lodging

(In college, I worked for a large chain hotel that had several different locations, though each had a different title and some were owned by different companies. A customer calls me up for directions:)

Customer: “Can you tell me why I’m at the Hotel Safari, not the Hotel Lodge?”

Me: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

Customer: “I got off my plane at the airport, and the guy at [Car Rental Company] told me to go here, and it’s not the right hotel!”

Me: “I apologize that happened to you. Can I give you directions to our hotel?”

Customer: “I want you to explain how you let this happen.”

Me: “I don’t… I don’t work for the car rental company. Someone sent you to the wrong hotel. I don’t know why they did that.”

Customer: “You could have called them to make sure they know where your f****** hotel is!”

Me: ” Would you like me to give you directions?”

(After going back and forth for a few minutes, he finally agrees to let me give him directions.)

Me: “So you’re still at the Hotel Safari, right?”

Customer: “No, I’m driving around looking for your f****** hotel.”

Me: “Can you tell me what street you’re on?”

Customer: “Did you listen to what I’m saying, buddy? I’m not from here. I don’t know the streets.”

Me: “Can you look at a street sign and tell me what it says?”

Customer: *tells me the street name*

Me: “Okay, I need you to go south, that will take you to the freeway on-ramp.”

Customer: “Buddy, I am not from here! How am I supposed to know which way that is?”

Me: “South is the same direction no matter what city you’re in.”

Customer: “That’s not true.”

(We argue about that, until I finally ask him where the setting sun is, on his right or on his left. We argue about the sun, too, until he tells me that it’s on his right.)

Me: “So the sun sets in the west. If the setting sun is on your right, that means you’re facing south, and I just need you to drive the same direction you’re on down that street, and get on the freeway.”

Customer: “Well how will I know where the freeway is?”

Me: “Uh…” *I pause, not knowing how to phrase this without sounding rude*

Customer: “Yeah, that’s a problem, isn’t it, buddy?”

Me: “No, I’m just wondering if you’ve ever seen a freeway before.”

(He insists that I stay on the phone with him and navigate him all the way to the hotel. Finally, he gets in the door, and is just as snippy as I ask him to fill out the guest information form and sign his name.)

Customer: “I didn’t mean to be rude with you, but you have to realize I’m not from here.”

Me: “I apologize. No one ever taught me how to give directions without using street names or cardinal directions.”

(He started to get angry, and then realized I have a point. He took his keys and went to his room, and I never heard from him again.)

Fools Give Vent To Their Rage

| Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

(We have a full house of baseball teams, 14-16-year-old boys. At approximately 11 pm, a mother comes up to the front desk.)

Mother: “Why is there pornography on channel 16? We obviously didn’t order anything!”

(We don’t have the option to order movies or pornography, so we look up what channel this was and find out it’s our [Cable Channel] channel playing a movie called ‘Erotic Engagement.’)

Me: “Ma’am, that is our premium channel [Cable Channel], which is commonly known for playing adult themed movies this late at night. Our suggestion would be to keep an eye on your team as to not be watching [Cable Channel] this late at night.”

Mother: “That is not [Cable Channel]. That is graphic pornography. You either refund my stay or we will check out right now.”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand your frustration, but again, we do not have pornographic channels—”

Mother: “You obviously don’t know what you are talking about and now my child is scarred for life. I hope you are happy and I hope God strikes you down for your disregard for protecting us from that filth!”

Me: “Proverbs 29:11, if you want to get biblical. Have a nice night, ma’am.”

(The scripture states: ‘Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.’)

Their Own Private Joke

| Spain | Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Tourists/Travel

(This happens on a class trip to Spain after a girl realizes she left her comb at home.)

Girl: *walks up to front desk* “Do you have any combs?”

Employee: “No hablo Ingles.”

Girl: *in Spanish* “Necesito un pene, por favor.”

Employee: *laughs hysterically*

Girl: *angry* “Hey! Necesito un pene!” *pantomimes brushing hair*

Employee: *realizes what’s going on, takes out comb, and hands it to girl*

Girl: “Sí!”

Employee: “Ese es ‘un peine.'” *That’s ‘un peine.’* “Un pene es:” *points to his privates*

Girl: “Oh. S***!”

Business Center Is Out Of Business

| USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Technology, Wild & Unruly

(The door to our business center is always closed and locked to keep out non-guests who have, in the past, put viruses on the computers. To open it, the guest must ask the front desk. There is a sign.)

Guest: *tries to open the door* “Come ON!”

Me: “Sir—”

(The guest begins punching the door so violently that the door and door lock instantly break. As if nothing has happened, the guest wanders back to the front desk.)

Guest: “The business center door is broken.”

Me: “Gee, I wonder why…”

A Do-Not-Disturbing Amount Of Stupidity

| SC, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

Guest: “My room is filthy! I demand a free night! This is ridiculous! Give me your corporate number!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. Give me your room number and I’ll sort this out!”

Guest: “209.”

Me: “Ma’am, it says you’ve been in this room three days. We have a housekeeper going to your room to clean it today. They’ll be there at 9 am. We have it listed that your room had a do not disturb sign for the last three days. Please remove it from your card slot and your room will be cleaned.”

Guest: “Well how the f*** was I supposed to know they wouldn’t come if that was there? You should tell people that! Poor service! Get to my room NOW and do your job! Idiots!”

Me: “…yes, ma’am.”

(She did this two more times in her two week stay, never once taking the do-not-disturb sign of her door.)