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    Someone Freed Willy

    | College Station, TX, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

    (I am a manager at a local hotel. I’m manning the phones.) 

    Me:” Thank you for calling [hotel name], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello, I stayed at your hotel last weekend. I just wanted to let you know that there was a man without his pants on at the pool area.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you had to witness that, sir.”

    Caller: “Oh, it’s no problem. It was just awkward because his ‘willy’ was hanging.” 

    Me: “Sir?”

    Caller: “Well, it must have been a 10-incher because my wife is still talking about it ’til this day!”

    Drunkenness Can Give Birth To Wordlessness

    | California, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (A husband and wife are staying at our hotel because they are visiting the wife’s father, whose own wife is giving birth. One evening, the husband and father-in-law come stumbling into our front office.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Husband: “Quick, I need… um…” *turns to father-in-law* “What’s the word…”

    Father-In-Law: *shrugs*

    (The husband says the word several times in another language. My coworker hears this and approaches.)

    Coworker: *to me* “I got it.”

    (My coworker speaks to them in the language they were speaking. She then nods, calls them a taxi, and enters a note on their account for the manager.)

    Me: “What was that about?”

    Coworker: “Well, you know how he and his wife were here to celebrate with her dad?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, well, since his wife is pregnant and can’t drink, he and his father-in-law were in the hotel bar alone. The father-in-law wanted to tell him he was ordering traditional Irish baby gifts when they got a call that his wife had gone into labor.”

    Me: “Oh wow! That’s great! Wait… what was he confused about, then?”

    Coworker: “Oh, they were too drunk to remember the English words for ‘hospital’ and ‘taxi’.”

    Me: “I’m so glad you weren’t on your lunch break!”

    Disturbingly Dense, Part 2

    | Michigan, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (We are a small hotel in an even smaller town. Because of our size, we only have housekeeping until about 1 pm. After that, the front desk can stock towels and things, but we don’t fully clean the room.)

    Guest: “We left at 9:30 this morning to go out for the day. It is now 12:50 and we still don’t have maid service!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. We can have housekeeping come up immediately and clean that for you.”

    Guest: “Absolutely not! We will be here for an hour. Then you can get in!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, sir, we do not have 24 hour housekeeping service. Housekeeping is not offered after 1 pm.”

    Guest: “But we put out our sign!”

    Me: “The sign on the inside of the door? Your ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign?”

    (Upon saying this, the guest realizes that they are in error.)

    Guest: “Well, yeah… but they should’ve know we weren’t in here!”

    Me: “If there is a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign up, sir, they are not supposed to disturb you.”

    Guest: “You are incompetent! I demand to speak to a manager!”

    Me: “You’re speaking to her, sir.”

    Guest: *click*

    Related:
    Disturbingly Dense

    How About We Show You The Door

    | England, UK | Hotels & Lodging, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I overhear this as I’m checking in to a hotel in England.)

    Guest: *with an American accent* “You chauvinistic pig! I can open doors by myself, you know!”

    Employee: “Madam, I’m the doorman…”

    Taxing Faxing, Part 10

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a hotel, which often requires that paperwork be sent to us to verify credit cards and the like. On this particular occasion I am working with a customer whose assistant is out of town and she clearly has no idea what she is doing. Having sent me the wrong paperwork, I call her back.)

    Me: “Ma’am? It appears that we have received the wrong paperwork, so if you could just fax the correct one we will be able to get everything set up for you.”

    Customer: “Okay, but can you just fax that back to me, then?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Those papers! If they’re wrong, I need them back. Send them back to me!”

    Me: “Uh… ma’am, that might be a bit redundant, but I’d be more than happy to destroy the copy—”

    Customer: “ARE YOU STUPID? DON’T DESTROY THEM! THAT’S THE ONLY COPY I HAVE! JUST FAX THEM BACK!”

    (It dawns on me that this customer thinks that her fax machine actually manages to somehow transport the entire paper through her machine to mine.)

    Me: “Ma’am, the fax machine sends me a copy of the documents. If you check your fax machine, you will clearly see the paperwork still laying there. It doesn’t take your original.”

    (I hear a frustrated sigh as she slams the phone, and then muttering and shuffling as she goes through her office. After a minute, she comes back to her phone.)

    Customer: “…sorry.” *hangs up quickly*

    Related:
    Taxing Faxing, Part 9
    Taxing Faxing, Part 8
    Taxing Faxing, Part 7
    Taxing Faxing, Part 6
    Taxing Faxing, Part 5
    Taxing Faxing, Part 4
    Taxing Faxing, Part 3
    Taxing Faxing, Part 2
    Taxing Faxing


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