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  • Attraction Detraction

    | Germany | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

    (Our hotel is located in a nature park. In November, there are not many tourists around, since the weather tends not to be very good for hiking in the forest – the prime reason for coming here. Many tourism related businesses close this time of year. We are open for one more week before closing ourselves. We have an attractive ‘stay three nights, pay two’ offer. I am talking to a guest at checkout)

    Guest: “We really enjoyed our stay, but we were disappointed that most of the tourist attractions in the area were closed.”

    Me: “Yeah. This is the last week for us, too, before we close.”

    Guest: “Had I known that everything was closed, I would not have come here. Why is your hotel open when everything else is closed?”

    Me: “We do not know why our customers are here. What if you needed to go to a funeral or were here on business and you could not book any hotel because they were all closed? And is the special offer perhaps an indication that it could be low season?”

    Guest: “You should not be open. Next year you HAVE to close the same date as the other businesses. It is not fair that you stay open longer, and tricking customers in coming to stay with you!”

    Me: *speechless*

    They Made An Unsafe Assumption

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    (A guest calls down to the front desk.)

    Guest: “Hi. Yeah, umm. How do I get the microwave in the room working?”

    Me: “Sorry, Mrs. [Name], but we don’t have any microwaves in the room.”

    Guest: “Yes, you do. It’s on the 2nd shelf of the closet, has a digital screen and my frozen pizza in it, but it won’t start.”

    Me: “Madam is this microwave black and with a thick steel door?”

    Guest: “Yes.”

    Me: “That is not a microwave, but the in-room safe, Mrs. [Name].”

    Guest: “Oh!” *obviously embarrassed* “That explains why there was a power outlet on the inside…Thank you.” *click*

    Half-Brain

    | Yosemite National Park, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists/Travel

    (A tourist walks up to me at the front desk.)

    Tourist: “Is that Half Dome outside?”

    Me: “Half Dome is one of the many mountain features outside if you face east.”

    Tourist: “Which one is it?”

    Me: “It is the one that is exactly half of a granite dome… to the east.”

    Tourist: “How much concrete was used to make it?”

    Me: “… Seriously?”

    Tourist: *stares blankly at me*

    Me: “I couldn’t tell you, but they decided to ditch the building project once they ran out of re-bar.”

    Trying To Run A Monkey Business

    | IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging, Money, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a hotel in a college town. It is quite common to require a two-night minimum purchase when booking a room for a special event weekend such as a football game, graduation, etc.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I was wondering if you had any rooms available for this coming Friday.”

    Me: “We do have a few rooms available; however it is a two-night minimum for both Friday and Saturday night.”

    Caller: “Okay, I have to ask you the same as the last hotel I called. What kind of dope-smoking monkey are you?”

    Me: “… Excuse me?”

    Caller: “What kind of dope-smoking monkey are you? Why would you even think that I would want a room for two nights if the football game is only one day?!”

    Me: “We require a two night minimum stay for all special event weekends, ma’am. It’s quite a common policy here.”

    Caller: “I don’t care what your policy says. It’s just stupid! You’re just insane!”

    Me: “… Okay.”

    Caller: “If your two night minimum is so common, then why did the 12 other hotels that I called that were sold-out not say anything about a two night minimum, then. Huh?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, if they are sold out that means they don’t have any more rooms to sell you at their property, so the two night minimum wouldn’t really matter for them because they don’t have anything.”

    Caller: “See! You said it doesn’t matter.”

    Me: “Our minimum is still in effect for the few remaining rooms we have.”

    Caller: “You’re just a brainless monkey!”

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Caller: “No. Goodbye!” *click*

    Me: “And here I thought I was just a desk monkey.”

    No Man-Maid Fantasies

    | Bodø, Norway | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

    Me: *knocks on the door* “Housekeeping!”

    (I hear the voice of the male guest inside.)

    Guest: “Like a maid?”

    Me: “Uh… yes, I suppose.”

    Guest: “Are you wearing a maid’s outfit?”

    Me: “I can bet money that it’s not the outfit you are mentally picturing right now, sir.”

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