I work in a hotel. I checked a family of five in on a Friday. The youngest came bounding in as the rest of the family walked in and cheerfully said hi! Children — well-behaved ones, that is — are some of my favourite guests as they are just full of energy and are fun to talk to. I grew up around young children in the family, so I have a knack for knowing the right behaviour. I enjoy hearing about their weekend plans. Our company always encourages us to talk to the little-uns, too.

As I was doing my check-in with the parents, she chimed in:

Youngest Child: “It’s my birthday tomorrow!”

Me: “How old are you going to be?”

Youngest Child: “Nine!”

Me: “Wow! That’s a big number!” *To the family* “What are your plans?”

Mum: “We’re in the area for the weekend for Uni choices and applications for my eldest.”

They didn’t mention anything about plans for the little-un — to me, anyway.

The family headed up to the room, and I decided I was going to give the little-un something for her birthday. We couldn’t do anything massive, but it’s the thought that counts. We have new children’s books that come with a toy, so I got one of them and a choccy from a vending machine, and I wrote out a little Happy Birthday note. (We’re not supposed to be giving gift stuff to guests because of the global health crisis, but I decided, “Screw it.”)

I delivered the gifts to her parents at their room and went back down to the desk. I missed them as they headed out for the afternoon but caught them on their way back in.

Mum: “[Youngest Child] was over the moon about your gifts! We’re going to read the book together tonight.”

My heart melted.

I finished my shift and wasn’t due back until Monday. When I returned, I found that the little-un had drawn a thank-you letter directed to me personally with some drawings. When I say I nearly cried from happiness, I’m not lying.

A customer storms up to me at the help desk. To say she looks angry would be an understatement.

Guest: “Your check-in staff lied to me! They said if I wanted to call reception I could just dial 0, but nothing is happening!”

Me: “If there’s an issue with the phone in your room, we can get that replaced straight away. What room number are—”

Guest: “What phone in my room? I mean this! Look!”

She shows me her personal iPhone and exaggeratedly presses 0.

Guest: “See? Nothing!”

Customer: “The maid who did our room folded our towel into a swan shape!”

Me: “Yes, we encourage our maids to use their folding talents to create entertaining shapes and animals for our guests.”

Customer: “Well… I don’t like swans!”

Me: “I see. I will ask the maid not to do that for your room for the duration of your stay.”

Customer: “I think I deserve some kind of discount.”

Me: “May I ask why you think that, ma’am?”

Customer: “I don’t like swans! I feel very attacked by seeing them in my room!”

Me: “Well, as I have said, ma’am, we will not do that from now on, but I cannot offer any discounts if there is no fault with the room.”

Customer: “Well then, what can you do for me?!”

Me: “Our maids are pretty good at making towel chickens. Do you like chickens?”

Customer: “This place is ridiculous!” *Storms off*

Me: *Under my breath* “Almost as much as the guests!”

A guest has realized I am new during his stay. He comes up to me at the concierge desk one night.

Guest: “Listen. You’re the one that answers the phones, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir!”

Guest: “Well, I just wanted to let you know that you’re doing a great job. You obviously went to a lot of trouble to make sure I got an Uber while you were so busy, and I wanted to thank you for that.”

He pulls out his wallet. It’s full of hundred- and fifty-dollar bills.

Guest: “I’d like to give you something for your trouble.”

Me: *Legitimately touched* “Oh, sir! Thank you so much, but please, I couldn’t possibly—”

I stop dead. He has handed me a religious pamphlet: “It’s Not Too Late To Save Yourself!”

Guest: “No trouble at all. Listen, now that you’re in the big city, you need to be careful. THE LESBIANS will be after a pretty little thing like you!”

I work at a luxury resort on an exclusive island. Tourists pay a lot of money to stay here. An American couple walks up to the beach area where I am stationed.

Me: “Good morning! Can I get you some sun loungers, towels, and some water?”

Guest: “The sand on your website is yellow.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Guest: “The sand on your website showed that your beach is yellow, but this beach is white!”

I’m honestly thinking, “…and?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, our island is famous for its sandy white beaches.”

Guest: “But I wanted yellow.”

She stares at me expectantly and I honestly don’t know what to say.

Me: “Is there anything you’d like me to do, ma’am?”

Guest: “I wanted yellow! Make it yellow!”

Me: “I can’t change the color of the sand, ma’am, but most people love the vibrant whiteness of the sand.”

Guest: “I am not most people!”

Me: “Yes, obviously.”

I got her a complimentary mango cocktail to “apologize” for the lack of yellow sand. I made sure that that cocktail was as yellow as I could make it.

Related:
Not So Mellow Yellow, Part 2
Not So Mellow Yellow