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    Doesn’t Know Their Rights

    | CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (I get a call around 2 am from a caller not staying at the hotel. I’m not busy so I help her anyway. The caller is articulate, but not exactly polite.)

    Caller: “I’m looking for a bar to the right of your hotel.”

    Me: “[Bar] is out in front of our building. Is that what you mean?”

    Caller: “NO! The one to the RIGHT of your hotel!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is only a river on the right hand side of our building. If you give me even part of a name or any more information I can probably find it for you.”

    Caller: “Look. Can you ask someone else? I know it’s there.”

    (We go back and forth about this for a good ten minutes in which she escalates to saying that people like me shouldn’t have jobs. She laughs at me and demands she be transferred to a slightly fancier hotel a few miles away.)

    Caller: “Just transfer me to [Other Hotel]! THEY’LL know what I’m talking about.”

    Me: “With all respect, they are not near here and are unlikely to know about bars in this area.”

    Caller: “JUST TRANSFER ME!”

    (I do, and after fifteen minutes I call the other hotel to apologize for sending her to them. The employee at the other hotel cracks up laughing immediately at mention of the woman.)

    Employee: “Oh, my god! She was crazy! I told her I didn’t know of any bar around there and she told me that she was going to ‘take this to the press!’”

    Efficiency Deficiency

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’ve always prided myself in my fast service. Also, it should be noted that I always treat each guest the same, since they are all equally important in my eyes. One day, I’m checking in a lady at top speed.)

    Me: “Here is your key, and have a nice day!”

    Lady: *puckers face* “How rude!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Lady: “It’s like… you just want me out of your way! Well, excuuuuse me to be a bother! Hmph!”

    (She storms off. I figure she took offense at my speed and decide to be slower at the next customer.)

    Me: “Hi. How are you?”

    Next Guest: *impatiently* “Enough with the small talk and give me my room!”

    Me: *sighs*

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Hotels & Lodging, Money, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (An American guest approaches me at my desk.)

    Me: “Morning, sir! What can I do for you?”

    Guest: “Hi there! I’m going to rent a car today to drive around the highlands. Could you just tell me how much gas costs here?”

    Me: “Gas? As in petroleum? Sure. Petrol here is about £1 a litre.”

    Guest: “How much is that in gallons though?”

    Me: “Well, as far as I know, there is slightly less than four litres in a gallon. So about £4 a gallon I suppose.”

    Guest: “Awesome, that’s $2 a gallon! That’s cheap!”

    Me: “Sir, the exchange rate is currently $2 to £1, so it is in fact equal to $8 a gallon.”

    Guest: “Pfft! I doubt that. The dollar is the strongest currency in the world!”

    Me: “Well, it’s the largest reserve currency, but I assure you the rates are as I described.”

    Guest: “You know, considering you work with tourists, you should probably know the exchange rate a little better, son! Don’t they teach you math in high school?!”

    Me: “They do, sir.”

    Guest: “Not well enough!”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

    The Most Confusing Meal Of The Day

    | Ireland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work in a call centre making reservations for a large hotel chain. A customer has just asked for a particular date in a particular hotel.)

    Me: “I have the standard room for $99, or bed and breakfast for $109. The superior room for $129—”

    Customer: “Wait! So the first two rooms are standard rooms?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So why is the one more expensive?”

    Me: “Well, room only is $99 and if you want breakfast included it is $109.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “If you want to eat breakfast in the morning it’s $10 more.”

    Customer: “I still don’t see why I would pay more for the same room!”

    Me: “You don’t pay more for the room, you pay the extra for the food. You can have just the room for $99 or the room and breakfast at the restaurant for $109.”

    Customer: “I just don’t understand why I should pay more.”

    Me: “I have no idea how else to explain this.”

    (She never made a booking. We were ‘too confusing.’)

    Thinks He’s So Grape

    , | Norway | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work as a wine waiter in a business hotel, where we often have repeat guests. One such guest, who always has a problem with something, is tasting a bottle of wine I’ve just opened.)

    Guest: “This wine is bad. It’s corked, or oxidised, or something.”

    Me: “May I test it?”

    (I take the glass and smell the wine, knowing straight away that there’s no problem.)

    Me: “I don’t notice anything wrong here. If you insist, I can open a fresh bottle.”

    Guest: “Well, you obviously don’t know anything about wine or service. Of COURSE I want a fresh bottle.”

    Me: “Very well, sir.”

    (I take the bottle away, re-cork it, and wait a few seconds before returning to the table with a new glass. I open the bottle again as I arrive and I pour a little for him to taste.)

    Guest: “MUCH better. Can’t believe you thought there was nothing wrong with the last bottle. You obviously don’t deserve to be in charge of wine here.”

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