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    Should Have Called It A Night

    | Scotland, UK | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque, Underaged

    (I’m 14, working in the kitchen of a local pub/inn. I arrive at work one day and go to sign in, behind the reception desk in the front hall. A customer comes in and assumes I’m working on the front desk.)

    Customer: “Hey! How much are rooms?”

    Me: “Depending on which rooms are available, anywhere from £35-65 a night—”

    Customer: “No, how much for an hour?”

    (He winks at me. Being 14, I don’t understand what he’s getting at.)

    Me: “Pardon? The rooms are priced for a night—”

    Customer: “Yeah, but how much for you and a room for an hour?”

    (I am beyond confused at this point when the manager, a stocky guy with a shaved head, tattooed arms and a strong Glaswegian accent appears from the dining room, right behind the guy.)

    Manager: “CAN I HELP YOU!?”

    (The customer jumped about a foot in the air, saw my manager, and bolted out the door. My manager refused to tell me what the guy was talking about (and I didn’t realise for another couple of years), just told me to run and get him or the chef if I saw the guy again.)

    Transcontinental Breakfast

    | Cumberland County, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

    (I work the front desk night shift at our hotel, and one of my duties is to set up breakfast and make sure it is fully stocked until I clock out in the morning. I’m a young transgender woman and I’ve only informed the general manager of that fact. As far as I know neither my coworkers nor any guests can tell. I am restocking the sausage patties when this happens.)

    Guest: “Oh, so you’re the one who cooks up all the breakfast, eh?”

    Me: *smiles* “Yup, that’s me!”

    (I quickly break away from the encounter to wrap up my shift. Soon enough my coworker is just about ready to let me go for the day, when the same guest from before passes by, spots me, and smiles.)

    Guest: “There’s the sausage queen!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Coworker: *chuckles* “Sorry, the 12-year-old in me just had to laugh at that!”

    Me: “They may never know just how funny that truly was.”

    Only Has Egg On Her Face

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (The husband of a couple has come to collect a menu about an hour before they would like to eat because his wife has difficulty making decisions. Our menu for cooked items is very limited and has only a full English breakfast, a vegetarian English cooked breakfast, smoked haddock, smoked salmon, and kippers available. The couple come in for breakfast, having studied the menu.)

    Wife: “Do you do eggs benedict?”

    French Disconnection, Part 2

    | Edinburgh Scotland, UK | Funny Names, Geography

    (I’m French but have been working in Scotland for a few years. My accent is not as strong as the typical French one, but most people can guess where I’m from, especially Brits. Sometimes customers think I’m German. A rather drunk customer comes in.)

    Customer: *reading my name tag* “How do you say your name?”

    Me: *says my not very usual but definitely French name*

    Customer: “So,where are you from?”

    Me: “Try to guess!”

    Customer: “Poland?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Estonia?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Lithuania?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Latvia?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: Russia?

    Me: No

    Customer: Republic Czech?

    Me: No

    Customer: “Poland?”

    Me: “No, you already asked.”

    Customer: “Oh right! Germany?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Dutch?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Romanian?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “You are from Eastern Europe right?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “Well, you look like it!”

    (He keeps going and names almost every country in Europe, some twice, but none where people actually speaks French. The evening is slow so I don’t mind and it’s actually quite fun. Finally:)

    Customer: “So where are you from then?”

    Me: “France.”

    Customer: “I knew it!”

    Related:
    French Disconnection

    Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver

    | CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Religion, Top

    (A former guest calls on phone.)

    Guest: “Hello. My son’s basketball team stayed there yesterday and apparently my son left his sneakers and all of his clothes in the room.”

    Agent: “Ah, yes. I see a bag here the housekeepers dropped off. You will need to contact a next day mail service, have them send us a pre-paid shipping box, and we will have them sent to you.”

    Guest: “WHAT!? I HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT!? You should just sent them to me! Everywhere I’ve ever stayed at before sent things to me I that left behind! This is outrageous!”

    Agent: “I’m sorry, ma’am. This is our hotel’s policy.”

    (The guest slams down phone, but calls back five minutes later.)

    Guest: “I’m sorry I got so upset. You see, I am a Christian missionary on a charity mission and I have very little disposable funds. Please call your boss and kindly ask him to pay for the shipping and tell him to consider it an act of charity. Thankyougodblessyoujesuspleaseplease.”

    (I call the hotel owner, the most frugal man I have ever met and a devout Hindu.)

    Owner: “Call her back tell her we will be very happy to drop her son’s clothes off at a nearby homeless shelter and she and Jesus can feel very good about the clothes being given to people more needy than herself. A wonderful act of charity on her part.”

    (I tell the guest:)

    Guest: “I’ll send the box…”

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