November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Not A Fan Of Your Coldness

| NB, Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

(A guest approaches the front desk early in the morning to check out. I greet him.)

Me: “Good morning! Checking out, I see; what’s the room number?”

Customer: “It’s room 115.”

Me: “Wonderful, Mr. [Customer], and did you enjoy your stay?”

Customer: “No, I did not, and I think I should be compensated.”

Me: “Oh? I’m so sorry to hear that; what was the problem you had?”

Customer: “There was no heat in the room! I froze all bloody night and barely got any sleep. Why should I have to pay for a room with no heat in February?”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that, sir. I will definitely have this taken care of right away. I just need to know exactly what the problem was. Was the heater running but not producing heat? Was the temperature display on the wall not working?”

Customer: “Oh no, everything was working. I just didn’t have heat.”

Me: “I don’t understand. Did you turn on the heat and increase the temperature and it get any warmer?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. I just pressed the button that said fan and a fan came on and it got cold so I went to bed.”

Me: “Okay… were you not able to turn the fan off or to turn the heat on?”

Customer: “I don’t know; I didn’t try.”

Me: “I see. Did you call the front desk to ask for assistance?”

Customer: “NO! I told you, I pressed the button that said fan, the fan came on and it got cold, so I just went to bed.”

Me: “So, let me see if I’ve got this straight. You slept in a room with a fully operational heater, you turned on the fan instead of the heater, made no attempts to correct your own error, and now you want a discount because you were cold.”

Customer: “Well, when you say it like that you make it sound like I’m an idiot.”

I Smell A Rat

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Pets & Animals

(A guest rings up hotel:)

Guest: “This is a strange request, but is it possible to bring live rats and keep them in the room overnight?”

Stop And Stair, Part 2

| USA | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging

(It’s around two am. A group of customers, in their mid 20s, a blonde woman, a brunette woman, and two guys, enter. They are all being rowdy and clearly very drunk.)

Me: “Guys, please keep it down. Some people on the first floor are trying to sleep.”

(Clearly annoyed that I rained on their parade, they scowl and press the button for the elevator. After a few minutes…)

Blonde Woman: “Hello?! Where’s the f****** elevator?”

Brunette Woman: “It sure is taking a loooong time.”

Blonde Woman: “Yeah, I might as well take the f****** stairs. Where’s the f***** stairs?!”

Me: “They’re right over there.” *points*

(The blonde woman stares at me like I just told her to run around outside naked, and just then the elevator doors swing open,)

Brunette Woman: “Come on, the elevator is finally here.”

(As they’re getting into the elevator, I hear the blonde woman say this in an insulted tone.)

Blonde Woman: “The clerk ACTUALLY told me where the stairs are! Can you believe it!?”

The Vegetarian Contrarian

| TN, USA | Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(I work as a concierge at a very upscale hotel. Guests from out of town usually trust my word completely, but every now and again, a guest tries to best me with their knowledge from online reviews.)

Guest: “Hi, I have a list of four Cajun restaurants in the city, and I’d like to run them by you.”

Me: “Of course, go right ahead!”

(The guest then names a popular vegetarian-friendly restaurant with one nearby location.)

Guest: “But I saw on the website that one location only had a vegetarian menu.”

Me: “That is one of my favorite places for cajun, and their menu is vegetar—”

Guest: “And I don’t want vegetarian. My husband needs to try real Cajun!”

Me: “Yes ma’am, I understand. Their menu is vegetarian-friendly, but they still have plenty of meat options.”

Guest: “I don’t want the location that’s vegetarian, and I saw on the website that one of them is vegetarian only.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, while both locations are vegetarian-friendly, they will still have the meat options for you. There is a location just one block away on [Street] that—”

Guest: *In a condescending, pointed tone* “I don’t mean to contradict you, but I saw on the website that-” *location one block away* “-is the one that is vegetarian only.”

Me: *folding my hands politely in front of me* “I had chicken there two weeks ago.”

Guest: “…”

Guest’s Husband: “So how do we get to that one now?”

Ditzy Ritzy

| Kansas City, KS, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

(I work desk and audit at a chain hotel nearby a casino.)

Me: “[Hotel]! How may I be of service today?”

Caller: “Yes, I was wondering if you had shuttles to [Local Casino]?”

Me: “Yes, we offer free shuttle on weekends, 3 pm to 10:30 pm, to local areas.”

Caller: “Okay, I’d like to make a reservation.”

Me: “Great! What nights were you wanting?”

Caller: “[Nights].”

Me: “Okay, and what room type do you need? We have—”

Caller: “Just the cheapest room you have.”

Me: “Okay, our rate is $94.99.”

Caller: “Oh, your site it says [Other Amount.]”

Me: “Oh, are you certain you have the correct dates? Our rates fluctuate based on occupancy.”

Caller: “I know that! I stay at hotels all the time! Oh, it was on the wrong date. Now it says [Third Rate.]”

Me: “Is it possible that you are looking at the prepaid option? You can prepay that amount, but—”

Caller: “I know! I know! I stay at hotels ALL THE TIME. Jeez, isn’t that rate kind of high?”

(If you work or stay at hotels, you probably realize that this rate is not very high.)

Me: “We do offer certain discounts. Do you have [a few types of discounts], or anything similar?”

Caller: “Do you have a corporate discount?”

Me: “We offer discounts with different companies who often have guests stay with us, but not a discount for all companies. I’m sorry.”

Caller: “Do you have one with [Company]?”

Me: “I’m afraid we do not, sir.”

Caller: “What about a gambler’s discount?”

(I laugh a little because I think he’s joking. Tragically, he is not.)

Caller: “So, you don’t?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry we do not have a discount for gamblers.”

Caller: “This is ridiculous! I’ve stayed at the top hotels in the country and they were never this high! I really need to stay here, but your prices are outrageous!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, sir. We have a higher occupancy for those nights, so as you’re aware, the rate will inflate. We have a 4 pm cancellation policy on the day of arrival, so we could always make the reservation and you can cancel if you find something you’re happier with.”

Caller: “Yeah…”

(I made his reservation and told some of my coworkers about it the next time I saw them. It’s become a joke; how our Midwestern limited service hotel is more expensive than “the top hotels in the country!”)

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