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    The Silver (Bra) Lining

    | Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I am a female nurse in a clinic and I share my shift with a rather handsome male nurse. On this particular day, a middle-aged regular patient comes in.)

    Patient: “Hi, I’m here for my breast examination.”

    Me: “Great, just follow me inside the examination room for your test.”

    Patient: “Are you going to perform the test?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I am.”

    Patient: “Oh, I was hoping that the other nurse would do it.”

    Me: “Well, I could ask him if you want me to.”

    Patient: “Yeah, do that. Tell him I’m looking forward to it!”

    Me: “Uh, okay! But I really think that you’ll be more comfortable if–”

    Patient: “Let him touch me!”

    It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Higher Calling, Part 2

    | Northridge, CA, USA |

    (A frantic, middle-aged man rushes to the check-in counter at my hospital.)

    Patient: “I need a doctor!”

    Me: “What’s seems to be your problem, sir?”

    Patient: “I don’t feel good! My heartbeat is racing fast! I can’t see straight. I need a doctor NOW!”

    Me: “Sir, please calm down. When did you start having these symptoms? Did you take any medication today?”

    Patient: “I don’t know! It started after I smoked that joint. It was my first time!”

    Related:
    It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Higher Calling

    Much Askew About Nothing

    | MD, USA | Top

    (A client walks into clinic as the floors are being mopped. She notices the ‘wet floor’ sign, and immediately starts flailing around as if she’s slipping.)

    Me: “I haven’t mopped that part of the lobby yet.”

    (The client immediately stops her dramatics.)

    Client: “Oh, okay.”

    Romance Isn’t Dead, It’s Just Asleep

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    (A patient is signing consents. They will receive conscious sedation before a small, outpatient surgery.)

    Patient: “So, when I get upstairs, they’re going to seduce me?”

    Physician, Heal Thyself

    | Pawtucket, RI, USA |

    Caller: “Hi, do you have any reports by Dr. Smith?”

    Me: “Certainly. On what patient?”

    Caller: “Not specific ones.”

    Me: “Oh. So you need all Dr. Smith’s most recent reports?”

    Caller: “Not necessarily recent.”

    Me: “So, not specific patients, not specific dates. Do you want all his reports, ever?”

    Caller: “I think. I don’t know. Okay.” *hangs up*


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