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    Annoying Pneumonia

    | Maryland, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am a nurse sitting with a mother whose son passed out during school. I am asking her some questions while he is examined.)

    Me: “Has he complained of any discomfort or anything strange such as headaches, dizziness, nausea, fatigue, chest pains, muscle aches, difficulty breathing?”

    Mother: “Well, he was complaining that his chest hurt. He’s also been breathing heavily lately and coughing a lot.”

    Me: “When did this start?”

    Mother: “Oh, I don’t know…five or six days ago?”

    Me: “Your son has been complaining of chest pains and difficulty breathing for almost a week? Why didn’t you take him to the doctor?”

    Mother: “I thought he was just trying to get attention. You know kids–they always want attention!”

    The Silver (Bra) Lining

    | Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I am a female nurse in a clinic and I share my shift with a rather handsome male nurse. On this particular day, a middle-aged regular patient comes in.)

    Patient: “Hi, I’m here for my breast examination.”

    Me: “Great, just follow me inside the examination room for your test.”

    Patient: “Are you going to perform the test?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I am.”

    Patient: “Oh, I was hoping that the other nurse would do it.”

    Me: “Well, I could ask him if you want me to.”

    Patient: “Yeah, do that. Tell him I’m looking forward to it!”

    Me: “Uh, okay! But I really think that you’ll be more comfortable if–”

    Patient: “Let him touch me!”

    It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Higher Calling, Part 2

    | Northridge, CA, USA |

    (A frantic, middle-aged man rushes to the check-in counter at my hospital.)

    Patient: “I need a doctor!”

    Me: “What’s seems to be your problem, sir?”

    Patient: “I don’t feel good! My heartbeat is racing fast! I can’t see straight. I need a doctor NOW!”

    Me: “Sir, please calm down. When did you start having these symptoms? Did you take any medication today?”

    Patient: “I don’t know! It started after I smoked that joint. It was my first time!”

    Related:
    It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Higher Calling

    Much Askew About Nothing

    | MD, USA | Top

    (A client walks into clinic as the floors are being mopped. She notices the ‘wet floor’ sign, and immediately starts flailing around as if she’s slipping.)

    Me: “I haven’t mopped that part of the lobby yet.”

    (The client immediately stops her dramatics.)

    Client: “Oh, okay.”

    Romance Isn’t Dead, It’s Just Asleep

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    (A patient is signing consents. They will receive conscious sedation before a small, outpatient surgery.)

    Patient: “So, when I get upstairs, they’re going to seduce me?”


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