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    It’ll Go Away If You’re Belieber

    | Illinois, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I work as a nurse in hospital in Illinois. Keep in mind where quite busy at the moment. A woman rushes up to me dragging a preteen girl behind her.)

    Woman: “Help! Please help! My daughter needs a vaccine!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, I need to know what the vaccine is for. Do you have an appointment?”

    Woman: “No! I don’t have any appointment! My daughter has a fever!”

    Daughter: “Mom! I don’t have a fever!”

    Woman: *still looking at me* “Her aunt told me she has it! The Heever Fever!”

    Me: “Ma’am, are you trying to say ‘Bieber Fever’?”

    Woman: “Yes! That!”

    Daughter: “Mom! You’re embarrassing me!”

    Annoying Pneumonia

    | Maryland, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am a nurse sitting with a mother whose son passed out during school. I am asking her some questions while he is examined.)

    Me: “Has he complained of any discomfort or anything strange such as headaches, dizziness, nausea, fatigue, chest pains, muscle aches, difficulty breathing?”

    Mother: “Well, he was complaining that his chest hurt. He’s also been breathing heavily lately and coughing a lot.”

    Me: “When did this start?”

    Mother: “Oh, I don’t know…five or six days ago?”

    Me: “Your son has been complaining of chest pains and difficulty breathing for almost a week? Why didn’t you take him to the doctor?”

    Mother: “I thought he was just trying to get attention. You know kids–they always want attention!”

    The Silver (Bra) Lining

    | Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I am a female nurse in a clinic and I share my shift with a rather handsome male nurse. On this particular day, a middle-aged regular patient comes in.)

    Patient: “Hi, I’m here for my breast examination.”

    Me: “Great, just follow me inside the examination room for your test.”

    Patient: “Are you going to perform the test?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I am.”

    Patient: “Oh, I was hoping that the other nurse would do it.”

    Me: “Well, I could ask him if you want me to.”

    Patient: “Yeah, do that. Tell him I’m looking forward to it!”

    Me: “Uh, okay! But I really think that you’ll be more comfortable if–”

    Patient: “Let him touch me!”

    It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Higher Calling, Part 2

    | Northridge, CA, USA |

    (A frantic, middle-aged man rushes to the check-in counter at my hospital.)

    Patient: “I need a doctor!”

    Me: “What’s seems to be your problem, sir?”

    Patient: “I don’t feel good! My heartbeat is racing fast! I can’t see straight. I need a doctor NOW!”

    Me: “Sir, please calm down. When did you start having these symptoms? Did you take any medication today?”

    Patient: “I don’t know! It started after I smoked that joint. It was my first time!”

    Related:
    It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Higher Calling

    Much Askew About Nothing

    | MD, USA | Top

    (A client walks into clinic as the floors are being mopped. She notices the ‘wet floor’ sign, and immediately starts flailing around as if she’s slipping.)

    Me: “I haven’t mopped that part of the lobby yet.”

    (The client immediately stops her dramatics.)

    Client: “Oh, okay.”

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