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    Idiot’s Combo

    | VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I work in a hospital cafeteria as a cashier. We have different combos for our grill for stuff like burger and fries, or sandwich and soup. The examples are merely suggestions, and don’t vary in price depending on your combination. Two middle-aged women come up with their items.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you all doing today?”

    (Customers #1 and #2 don’t say anything.)

    Me: “Okay, I see you have 2 grilled cheese, a soup, fries, and 2 drinks.”

    (I hit the combo button twice to keep them moving.)

    Customer #1: “Hey! What did you do there?”

    Me: “…I put in your orders?”

    Customer #1: “You put two combos, but I don’t have two combos!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, you have two grill items and two side items.”

    Customer #1: “I know what I have! I don’t have the soup, so it’s not a combo! You’re trying to make me pay more!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s actually cheaper if you—”

    Customer #1: “It says right there,” *she reads slowly* “Sandwiches… and… soup… combo. It’s not a combo and you put it in as a combo!”

    Customer #2: “Yeah! I saw you do it right here!”

    Me: “Alright, I’m sorry about that.”

    (I change it, making the total go from about $6 to $8.)

    Customer #1: “That’s better!”

    (We exchange money, and they both leave, when a doctor comes up next.)

    Doctor: “Could you imagine if we made combos for healthcare? They’d go broke from taking care of a cold!”

    Out Bat-ter Angels

    | NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a hospital. Every week, we host an event where volunteers come in and entertain some of the sick children. On this particular day, most of the volunteers are dressed up as superheroes.)

    Superman: “Who wants me to see if I can pull a penny out of their nose?”

    Child #1: *in a wheelchair* “Me! Me!”

    Superman: *doing his magic trick* “I’m afraid I can’t. All I could find were all these quarters!”

    (Superman magically pulls out a quarter and gives it to Child #1. A few minutes later, Child #1 returns.)

    Child #1: “Superman! Superman! I bought candy with the money you found! This one’s for you.”

    (At this point, one of two volunteers dressed as Spiderman speaks up.)

    Spiderman #1: “Where’d he get that candy?”

    Child #2: “There’s a vending machine in the hallway.”

    Spiderman #1: “They let you buy candy? That’s not healthy.”

    Spiderman #2: “I’m sure the nurses here are aware of what the kids eat.”

    Child #2: “It’s true. They’re really strict.”

    Spiderman #1: “It’s just not healthy…”

    (Meanwhile, Superman is continuing his trick.)

    Superman: “…and another one in the left ear, and another one in the right ear. Wait! I haven’t checked your nose for quarters yet.”

    Child #3: *after Superman’s finished* “What kind of candy do you want, Superman?”

    Superman: “Don’t worry about me, kid. I’m Superman! Superman can make candy with his mind.”

    Child #3: “Nuh uh! I saw the movie!”

    Superman: “Oh yeah? Watch this!”

    (He closes his eyes and concentrations hard, then pretends to catch something out of the air.)

    Superman: “Ah-ha! Chocolate!”

    Spiderman #1: “Don’t give her that. They get too much sugar.”

    Nurse: “It’s fine, sir.”

    Spiderman #1: “No!”

    (All of a sudden, Spiderman #1 grabs the chocolate from Superman, throws it on the floor, and stomps on it. He’s clearly out of control and scaring the children.)

    Spiderman #1: “Food like that will just keep you sick! They just want you to stay here and keep buying their s****y candy to keep you sick so they can get your money! They just—”

    (At that moment, a man dressed as Batman appears with his cape wrapped around him. Surprised, Spiderman #1 begins stuttering.)

    Spiderman #1: “Uh… what do you want?”

    Batman: *in a deep voice* “I want this hospital to be a place of hope. I want these children to enjoy their lives. I want the forces of darkness forever beaten.”

    (He drops the cloak, revealing the police uniform underneath it.)

    Batman: *cuffs Spiderman #1* “I want justice!”

    (The children all cheer, relieved. A month later, one of the children who has been in the hospital for a very long time is getting ready to leave. When someone asks him what his favorite memory of the volunteer nights was, he says…)

    Child: “When crazy Spiderman went crazy and Batman took off his costume and he was an actually real hero and made crazy Spiderman go away!”

    Well, That Narrows It Down, Part 3

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (While checking in on a patient…)

    Me: “Do you know the name of your primary care doctor?”

    Patient: “Oh, I don’t remember that.”

    Me: “Do you remember anything about them? The name of the practice, or what street it’s on?”

    Patient: “It’s either a man or a woman.”

    Me: “I see…”

    Related:
    Well, That Narrows It Down, Part 2
    Well, That Narrows It Down

    Cardiac Unrest

    | Arizona, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body

    (I work in an ER and I am checking in a patient who needs a cardiac procedure.)

    Patient: “You have an accent. Where are you from?”

    Me: “South Africa.”

    Patient: *disgusted* “South AFRICA? Oh, well I’m sure they wouldn’t have hired you unless you were properly educated.”

    Me: “I assure you, I have a good education. The cardiologist will be in to see you shortly.”

    (As I’m walking out, the cardiologist walks in and introduces himself to the patient.)

    Patient: “Oh, you have an accent, too. Where are you from?”

    Doctor: “South Africa.”

    Patient: *horrified*

    A Wick-ed Accident

    | Valencia, Spain | Bizarre, Health & Body, Top

    (My friend is a nurse at a local hospital.)

    Patient: “My belly is hurting me.”

    My Friend: “Don’t worry, sir. We’ll sort it out.”

    (My friend proceeds to do a routine examination on the patient. Whenever she touches the patient’s abdomen, he suffers from a lot of pain. They take him to the x-ray room for scans.)

    My Friend: “Sir, it appears you have… um… three candles lodged in your rectum. Do you have any idea how this happened?”

    Patient: “Well… er… I was carrying an armful of candles down some stairs and I tripped and…” *trails off into silence*

    My Friend: “So, you fell on a candle.”

    Patient: “Yes.”

    My Friend: “Then you fell again, on another candle.”

    Patient: “Yes.”

    My Friend: “And then once more, on yet another candle.”

    Patient: “That’s what happened!

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