(While checking in on a patient…)
Me: “Do you know the name of your primary care doctor?”
Patient: “Oh, I don’t remember that.”
Me: “Do you remember anything about them? The name of the practice, or what street it’s on?”
Patient: “It’s either a man or a woman.”
Me: “I see…”
Well, That Narrows It Down, Part 2
Well, That Narrows It Down
(I work in an ER and I am checking in a patient who needs a cardiac procedure.)
Patient: “You have an accent. Where are you from?”
Me: “South Africa.”
Patient: *disgusted* “South AFRICA? Oh, well I’m sure they wouldn’t have hired you unless you were properly educated.”
Me: “I assure you, I have a good education. The cardiologist will be in to see you shortly.”
(As I’m walking out, the cardiologist walks in and introduces himself to the patient.)
Patient: “Oh, you have an accent, too. Where are you from?”
Doctor: “South Africa.”
(My friend is a nurse at a local hospital.)
Patient: “My belly is hurting me.”
My Friend: “Don’t worry, sir. We’ll sort it out.”
(My friend proceeds to do a routine examination on the patient. Whenever she touches the patient’s abdomen, he suffers from a lot of pain. They take him to the x-ray room for scans.)
My Friend: “Sir, it appears you have… um… three candles lodged in your rectum. Do you have any idea how this happened?”
Patient: “Well… er… I was carrying an armful of candles down some stairs and I tripped and…” *trails off into silence*
My Friend: “So, you fell on a candle.”
My Friend: “Then you fell again, on another candle.”
My Friend: “And then once more, on yet another candle.”
Patient: “That’s what happened!
(I have very long, honey-blonde hair that is not dyed or altered. A lady is waiting for her boyfriend in the hospital emergency room when she approaches my desk.)
Me: “Hi, would you like to head back to check on [lady's boyfriend]?”
Lady: “No. I just wanted to compliment you on your extensions and get the number of your hairdresser.”
Me: “Actually, my hair is natural.”
Lady: “Yeah, okay, right…seriously, who does your hair?”
(At that moment, my printer begins printing paperwork and I turn around to retrieve it. Suddenly, she leans forward and yanks on my hair.)
(She yanks even harder.)
Lady: “They usually come right out!”
(I am trying to free my hair from her as she continues to yank.)
Me: “OW! Ma’am, please, ow, stop. It’s not going to come off! It’s attached to my head!”
(Thankfully, security shows up and makes her let go. As she’s heading to her boyfriend’s room, she starts ranting.)
Lady: “HAIR CAN’T GROW THAT LONG!”
Tech Support Classics, Part 2: This week, we feature another five stories that reveal the trials, tribulations, and terrors that technical support employees endure daily! PS–also check out Tech Support Classics, Part 1!
- Scareware Makes Us Aware:
TMI: getting an STD from an FLV!
- Workin’ That Tech Support Magic:
A clever tech support employee gets some magical help!
- Get A Life:
A “real”-ly demanding customer gets a “reality” check.
- What She Needs Is A Skynet:
Artificial intelligence meets zero intelligence.
- How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 2:
A user points and clicks their way into the Tech Support Hall Of Shame!
PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!