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    Forgive The Pun(tang)

    | Corvallis, OR, USA | Funny Names, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I am working as a phone operator at the hospital. Usually people call me and I connect them to different parts of the hospital.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah. Can you connect me to the ‘vaginacologist’ please?”

    (I knew what she wanted but was stunned because I have never heard anyone say that before.)

    Me: “You mean, the gynecologist office?”

    Caller: “I don’t know what they are called. Whoever is in charge of looking at my ‘hoo haw!’”

    Because She Isn’t Suffering Enough

    | TX, USA | Health & Body

    (After a weekend vacation camping with my husband, I wake up with a bad allergic reaction that swells me up and covers me with hives. It’s so bad that my tongue has even swollen up and my eyes are squinted nearly shut. We’re sitting at the hospital waiting room and waiting to be called when a lady comes in and notices me.)

    Woman: “Oh my god! What happened to you? Did you get hit by bees?”

    My Husband: “We went camping this weekend, so we think something in the woods got on her clothes and gave her a bad allergic reaction.”

    Woman: “And you’re all covered with bumps, too. Oh my god! Is she mute, too?”

    My Husband: “No, she can talk, but her throat is hurting her and her tongue is swollen.”

    (I even open my mouth to show her.)

    Woman: *freaked out* “Oh my god! She looks like a raspberry. Why haven’t you taken her to the doctor before now? She looks horrible!”

    My Husband: “Um…” *looks around the emergency room* “Well, it just happened this morning when she woke up. If it gets too severe, I’m sure the nurses will come out and give her an epi-shot or something.”

    Woman: “I hope they do. I can’t imagine going anywhere outside looking that bloated and blotchy. Don’t worry, honey; I’m sure you don’t look that bad when you look normal!”

    (As she says this, the woman pats my knee cautiously, like I’m going to give her some infection.)

    Woman: “Just… oh my god!”

    Inject Some Humor Into The Situation

    | USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I am four years old, and in need of vaccinations. The nurse is babying me about it.)

    Me: “Just do it; I’m not scared.”

    (I have the vaccination with no problem.)

    Nurse: “Wow, you’re one of the toughest kids I’ve met.”

    Me: “Really? It’s nothing.”

    Nurse: “Oh, you are tough. Half of the kids your age come in crying.”

    Me: “Because they’re babies! I’m not.”

    Nurse: “Let me tell you something. I have a friend who is also a nurse. A 40-year-old man needed an injection and he cried for 10 minutes before he calmed down enough for her to inject him. And he cried after she stuck him too.”

    Me: “Really?!”

    Nurse: “Yeah. I wish he could have seen you.”

    Make Appoint To Forget

    , | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Health & Body

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]; how can I help you?”

    Patient: “I need to cancel an appointment I have today.”

    Me: “All right, let’s verify your information and then we’ll look at the appointment.”

    (As the patient verifies everything, I note he is 25 years old, the appointment is urgent, and was made earlier that day. He has already spoken to a nurse as well.)

    Me: “Okay. I see the appointment with [Doctor] at [time], and you want me to cancel it?”

    Patient: “Yes. Oh, and can you tell me what the appointment was for? I can’t remember.”

    (I hover over the cancel button as I tell the patient.)

    Me: “Sir, it is for forgetfulness. Are you sure you want to cancel?”

    Patient: *silent for a moment* “Yes, go ahead and cancel it.”

    Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 5

    | ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m 18, and have been hospitalized for a severe case of mono. As a result of the illness, my throat is badly swollen and I can hardly speak. I’m on lots of painkillers. I’m sharing a room with a boy who swallowed a rock. The boy has been screaming since his mother left and his father can’t quiet him down.)

    Nurse: “Okay, [My Name], I’m just going to check your vitals.”

    Me: *whispering* “How much longer until I can have more pain medication?”

    Nurse: “Not for a while, sweetie.”

    (The nurse leaves. The boy’s father has been watching us the whole time.)

    Boy’s Father: “Listen, you little b****! Don’t you f****** gossip about me to the f****** nurses! You keep your f****** mouth shut, or I’ll shut it for you!”

    (I’m stunned, as I haven’t said a word to or about him. As I can’t move and can barely speak, I’m in tears and terrified. Not long after, my mom comes in to visit.)

    Mom: “Hey, [My Name]. How are you doing?”

    Me: *crying and whispering* “Mom, the dad of that boy screamed at me. He said to shut up, or he’d shut me up.”

    (My mom is silent, but clearly fuming. She leaves for a moment.)

    Boy’s Father: “WHAT DID I SAY?!”

    (Just then, my mom comes back with security in tow.)

    Mom: “Escort him from hospital grounds NOW.”

    Boy’s Father: “B****! You can’t tell me what to do! You aren’t the boss here! I’m twenty-f******-five!”

    Mom: “Actually, I AM the boss here! It’s my day off, but I’m head nurse on this floor, and if you EVER speak to my daughter ever again, I will have you arrested so fast that you won’t ever hear the sirens! And by the way, I’m forty-freaking-eight and I have the good sense not to let my kids eat rocks!”

    (The man was removed from hospital grounds and was banned from re-entering for 48 hours unless it was an emergency. I have the best mom in the world.)

    Related:
    Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 4
    Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 3
    Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 2

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