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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    You’re Not Allowed To Get Sick On Sundays

    | Athens, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I work as a telephone operator at a small hospital in a college town. I have received this call numerous amounts of times while working there.)

    Me: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Hospital]. How may I direct your call?”

    Caller: “Hi, what time do ya’ll close?”

    Me: “Umm, ma’am/sir, the hospital never closes.”

    (Most people don’t realize that yes, there are people at the hospital all the time, and some even called to ask when the ER closed!)

    Shouldn’t Have Made A Meal Out Of It

    | Leipzig, Germany | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I am working as an alternative worker in the endoscopy ward of our hospital. The rule here is that before the medical exam in our ward the patients are not allowed to eat for some hours. Another worker brings a new patient in her bed.)

    Me: “What is her exam?”

    Worker: “Endoscopy.”

    Me: “Yes sure. Which kind of endoscopy?”

    Worker: “Just endoscopy.”

    Me: “Yes, I know. But which one? Gastroscopy? Colonoscopy?”

    Worker: “Sorry. I don’t know more. They just told me to bring her to you.”

    (I check the patient’s files and see that it is a gastroscopy. I inform the nurse.)

    Me: “Okay. So you are for the gastroscopy?”

    Patient: “Yes, young man. So I just ate spaghetti and now you are gonna stick a tube down my throat?”

    Me: “Yes. Wait, did you said you just ate?”

    Patient: “Yes, of course. I had spaghetti. Beautiful spaghetti. I just had them for lunch. And now I’m here.”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am. You are not allowed to eat before the examination.”

    (I call the nurse and inform her who also confirms it with the patient.)

    Nurse: “Yes, ma’am. You were informed about this, that you are not allowed to eat before the examination. We have to reschedule the medical exam. We will talk to the doctor about a new appointment. You will have to go back to your ward.”

    Patient: “But it was spaghetti. Beautiful spaghetti!”

    Hard Ballin’

    | Malta | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I work as a radiographer in the MRI suite. Since the MRI is a powerful magnet, we have to screen patients in case they have any metal implants.)

    Me: “Have you had any operations?”

    Patient: “Sure. Nothing major. though.”

    Me: “Do you have any metal implants?”

    Patient: “I should hope not! I was operated on my balls!”

    (We looked at each other in silence, with me trying to remain as serious and as professional as possible. Sadly, I failed.)

    I Am (Not) Sick Of All The Attention

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body

    (I work in the accident and emergency department of a hospital. It’s a Friday night, and Girl #1 has just come in with anaphylaxis. I am with Girl #2 at this point, who came in via ambulance.)

    Girl #2: “My friend [Girl #1] is here at the moment, and everyone was fussing over her so much! She’s fine, right?”

    Me: “I wouldn’t know; I haven’t seen her.”

    Girl #2: “I know she’s fine. Everyone is making such a big deal out of this. That’s why I called the ambulance. She can’t get all the attention to herself!”

    Me: *confused* “Wait, what? So there’s nothing wrong with you? Why are you here?”

    Girl #2: “But can you make it sound like I’m really ill? I need to be able to trump her!”

    A Creepily Patient Patient

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I work as a tech. I’m going up front to hand a file to the receptionist for a check out. There is a man about 20 years older than me talking to the receptionist.)

    Him: “Hey…” *does that smile that says ‘heeeyyyy’*

    Me: “Hi. I hope you haven’t been waiting too long. Do you need anything or are you waiting for the doctor?”

    Him: “No, I am juuuuusst fine.” *creepily looking me up and down*

    (I leave, do some things in the back and come back out to get the next patient which isn’t him. He is still standing there. The receptionist pulls me aside and hands me a note that has his name and number on it.)

    Me: “What is this?”

    Receptionist: “He is into you. He wants to know how old you are and if you are single.”

    Me: “He is way too old for me. I’m not interested.”

    (I hope he’ll just leave me alone if I don’t talk to him unless necessary. He waits around for a good hour. Because of the layout of the hospital, I have to cross the lobby a number of times. Each time, he stands in the doorway so I have to walk past him.)

    Him: “Give me your number.”

    Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry.”

    (I keep walking. I’m not very good at telling people straight out that I’m not interested. A few days later… he has come back once on my day off and left when he finds out I am not working.)

    Receptionist: “I’m glad you didn’t give him your number. This guy is crazy!”

    Me: “What happened?”

    Receptionist: “He sat and waited in the parking lot to see if you would come out. When I did, he got my husband’s number off the truck.” *he sold diet products from home and had an advertisement on her truck*

    Receptionist: “He called me every day for three days asking if you were going to give him your number!”

    Me: “I’ll take care of it. I’m so sorry!”

    (I called him from the work phone, so he wouldn’t have my number, and told him to leave us both alone. We never heard from him again.)

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