October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Needs To See The Doctor For Their Stupidity

, | USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I work in a call center that mainly serves as an after-hours line for local hospitals and clinics. Routine questions revealed this particular caller to be a pregnant teenager and someone who speaks English as a first language.)

Me: “Good evening. How may I help you?”

Patient: *using the most arrogant and condescending tone imaginable* “I need to speak to a doctor, right now!”

Me: “Miss, are you currently experiencing an emergency? Bleeding, difficulty breathing—”

Patient: “No, no, but this is really important!”

Me: “Would you like me to take a message?”

Patient: “NO! I said I need to talk to a DOCTOR, NOW!”

(The doctor’s line is reserved for emergencies only. Nonetheless, I continue politely.)

Me: “What seems to be the nature of the problem, miss?”

Patient: “The doctor gave me these prenatal vitamins, and I need them to tell me how much I should take!”

Me: “…You mean the dosage instructions printed on the side of the bottle?”

You’re Not Allowed To Get Sick On Sundays

| Athens, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I work as a telephone operator at a small hospital in a college town. I have received this call numerous amounts of times while working there.)

Me: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Hospital]. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “Hi, what time do ya’ll close?”

Me: “Umm, ma’am/sir, the hospital never closes.”

(Most people don’t realize that yes, there are people at the hospital all the time, and some even called to ask when the ER closed!)

Shouldn’t Have Made A Meal Out Of It

| Leipzig, Germany | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I am working as an alternative worker in the endoscopy ward of our hospital. The rule here is that before the medical exam in our ward the patients are not allowed to eat for some hours. Another worker brings a new patient in her bed.)

Me: “What is her exam?”

Worker: “Endoscopy.”

Me: “Yes sure. Which kind of endoscopy?”

Worker: “Just endoscopy.”

Me: “Yes, I know. But which one? Gastroscopy? Colonoscopy?”

Worker: “Sorry. I don’t know more. They just told me to bring her to you.”

(I check the patient’s files and see that it is a gastroscopy. I inform the nurse.)

Me: “Okay. So you are for the gastroscopy?”

Patient: “Yes, young man. So I just ate spaghetti and now you are gonna stick a tube down my throat?”

Me: “Yes. Wait, did you said you just ate?”

Patient: “Yes, of course. I had spaghetti. Beautiful spaghetti. I just had them for lunch. And now I’m here.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. You are not allowed to eat before the examination.”

(I call the nurse and inform her who also confirms it with the patient.)

Nurse: “Yes, ma’am. You were informed about this, that you are not allowed to eat before the examination. We have to reschedule the medical exam. We will talk to the doctor about a new appointment. You will have to go back to your ward.”

Patient: “But it was spaghetti. Beautiful spaghetti!”

Hard Ballin’

| Malta | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I work as a radiographer in the MRI suite. Since the MRI is a powerful magnet, we have to screen patients in case they have any metal implants.)

Me: “Have you had any operations?”

Patient: “Sure. Nothing major. though.”

Me: “Do you have any metal implants?”

Patient: “I should hope not! I was operated on my balls!”

(We looked at each other in silence, with me trying to remain as serious and as professional as possible. Sadly, I failed.)

I Am (Not) Sick Of All The Attention

| UK | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body

(I work in the accident and emergency department of a hospital. It’s a Friday night, and Girl #1 has just come in with anaphylaxis. I am with Girl #2 at this point, who came in via ambulance.)

Girl #2: “My friend [Girl #1] is here at the moment, and everyone was fussing over her so much! She’s fine, right?”

Me: “I wouldn’t know; I haven’t seen her.”

Girl #2: “I know she’s fine. Everyone is making such a big deal out of this. That’s why I called the ambulance. She can’t get all the attention to herself!”

Me: *confused* “Wait, what? So there’s nothing wrong with you? Why are you here?”

Girl #2: “But can you make it sound like I’m really ill? I need to be able to trump her!”

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