October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Retail Therapy

| Newcastle, NSW, Australia | Uncategorized

(I work at a small shop in a hospital.)

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “Is this the only shop here?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “And that’s the only cafe?” *points towards the cafe*

Me: “Yep!”

Customer: “Why aren’t there more?”

Me: “Well, we only really need one shop and one cafe for this hospital.”

Customer: “That’s just stupid! I don’t need beds, I need more
shops! I’m going to complain!”

Totally Plastered

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Alright, your cast is on nice and secure. It should heal within four to six weeks.”

Patient: “Really? Only four to six minutes?”

Me: “No, four to six weeks.”

Patient: “Okay, four to six minutes.”

Me: “Sir, it’s impossible for it to heal within four to six minutes. It takes about four to six weeks.”

Patient: “Oh, all right.”

(I turn around to fill out his form. When I turn back around, he has taken off his cast.)

Me: “Sir, why did you take off your cast?!”

Patient: “Well, you said it heals within four to six minutes, but you said it was too short, so I waited seven minutes…but it still hurts.”

Me: “Sir, your arm is still broken. Four to six weeks is around a month and a half.”

Patient: “Well, why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?! A month and a half is five weeks! Why did you say four to six minutes?”

Me: “I never said…” *I pause and compose myself* “…okay, nevermind. Let’s put on a new cast.”

Patient: “Oooh! Can I have a pink one?”

Miss Diagnosis

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Health & Body, Language & Words, Top

Me: “Welcome, how can I be of assistance?”

Patient: “I think my son has Liza Minnelli!”

Me: “Liza Minnelli?”

Patient: “Yes! I think he has Liza Minnelli!”

Me: “Um…how did he contract it?”

Patient: “He ate the raw chicken on the counter! I’m telling you, it’s Liza Minnelli!”

Me: “Oh, you must mean salmonella.”

Patient: “No, I mean Liza Minnelli!”

Me: “Right, then. The doctor will see you now.”

(The doctor sees the patient’s child and tells her that it is salmonella and not Liza Minnelli. On her way out…)

Patient: “I still think it’s called Liza Minnelli.”

Laziness Has Its Advantages

| Langhorne, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, welcome to [hospital]. How can I help you?”

Visitor: “I’d like to file a complaint. Is there a paper or something I can fill out?”

Me: “Sure. There are feedback forms right–”

Visitor: “[Patient]’s room is too far away! I’ve had to walk around this place too much. Too much walking. I don’t want to do any more walking!”

Me: “Okay. There are forms right on that desk over there.” *I point to desk a few feet away*

Visitor: “No, no, no! Forget it! If they’re too far away I don’t wanna do it! I don’t wanna walk that far! Goodbye!” *walks out of the hospital*

Act Blustery, Get Flustered

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m 15 and work at the hospital gift shop. An RN comes to my register with three sets of wind chimes.)

Me: “Will that be all for you today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

Me: “Okay, your total is $50 even.”

Customer: “You didn’t give me my discount.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, I’m new at this. Let me just void this transaction and start over.”

Customer: “Fine!”

(For some reason, the cash register, which is older than my 15-year-old-self, won’t allow me to void the transaction. I keep trying for around a minute.)

Customer: “What the h*** is taking so long?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m having some trouble with the register.”

Customer: “Well, hurry it up, will you? I have a patient I need to get back to!”

(The line behind her is getting large and I’m getting very close to tears. Suddenly, another customer chimes in.)

Customer behind her: “If you’ve got a patient, what the h*** are you doing buying wind chimes?”

Customer: *gets flustered and leaves both her wind chimes and credit card behind*

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