July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

No Longer An Eye For An Eye

| Washington DC, USA | Uncategorized

(I have just found a spare eyeglass case for one of our doctors.)

Doctor: “Thanks, what do I owe you?”

Me: “Eh, don’t worry about it. We usually charge, but I’ve got you covered my friend.”

Doctor: “Oh! I guess next time you need a prostate exam I’ll try and hook you up.”

Me: “Uh, thanks?”

Retail Therapy

| Newcastle, NSW, Australia | Uncategorized

(I work at a small shop in a hospital.)

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “Is this the only shop here?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “And that’s the only cafe?” *points towards the cafe*

Me: “Yep!”

Customer: “Why aren’t there more?”

Me: “Well, we only really need one shop and one cafe for this hospital.”

Customer: “That’s just stupid! I don’t need beds, I need more
shops! I’m going to complain!”

Totally Plastered

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Alright, your cast is on nice and secure. It should heal within four to six weeks.”

Patient: “Really? Only four to six minutes?”

Me: “No, four to six weeks.”

Patient: “Okay, four to six minutes.”

Me: “Sir, it’s impossible for it to heal within four to six minutes. It takes about four to six weeks.”

Patient: “Oh, all right.”

(I turn around to fill out his form. When I turn back around, he has taken off his cast.)

Me: “Sir, why did you take off your cast?!”

Patient: “Well, you said it heals within four to six minutes, but you said it was too short, so I waited seven minutes…but it still hurts.”

Me: “Sir, your arm is still broken. Four to six weeks is around a month and a half.”

Patient: “Well, why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?! A month and a half is five weeks! Why did you say four to six minutes?”

Me: “I never said…” *I pause and compose myself* “…okay, nevermind. Let’s put on a new cast.”

Patient: “Oooh! Can I have a pink one?”

Miss Diagnosis

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Health & Body, Language & Words, Top

Me: “Welcome, how can I be of assistance?”

Patient: “I think my son has Liza Minnelli!”

Me: “Liza Minnelli?”

Patient: “Yes! I think he has Liza Minnelli!”

Me: “Um…how did he contract it?”

Patient: “He ate the raw chicken on the counter! I’m telling you, it’s Liza Minnelli!”

Me: “Oh, you must mean salmonella.”

Patient: “No, I mean Liza Minnelli!”

Me: “Right, then. The doctor will see you now.”

(The doctor sees the patient’s child and tells her that it is salmonella and not Liza Minnelli. On her way out…)

Patient: “I still think it’s called Liza Minnelli.”

Laziness Has Its Advantages

| Langhorne, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, welcome to [hospital]. How can I help you?”

Visitor: “I’d like to file a complaint. Is there a paper or something I can fill out?”

Me: “Sure. There are feedback forms right–”

Visitor: “[Patient]’s room is too far away! I’ve had to walk around this place too much. Too much walking. I don’t want to do any more walking!”

Me: “Okay. There are forms right on that desk over there.” *I point to desk a few feet away*

Visitor: “No, no, no! Forget it! If they’re too far away I don’t wanna do it! I don’t wanna walk that far! Goodbye!” *walks out of the hospital*

Page 13/17First...1112131415...Last