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    A Creepily Patient Patient

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I work as a tech. I’m going up front to hand a file to the receptionist for a check out. There is a man about 20 years older than me talking to the receptionist.)

    Him: “Hey…” *does that smile that says ‘heeeyyyy’*

    Me: “Hi. I hope you haven’t been waiting too long. Do you need anything or are you waiting for the doctor?”

    Him: “No, I am juuuuusst fine.” *creepily looking me up and down*

    (I leave, do some things in the back and come back out to get the next patient which isn’t him. He is still standing there. The receptionist pulls me aside and hands me a note that has his name and number on it.)

    Me: “What is this?”

    Receptionist: “He is into you. He wants to know how old you are and if you are single.”

    Me: “He is way too old for me. I’m not interested.”

    (I hope he’ll just leave me alone if I don’t talk to him unless necessary. He waits around for a good hour. Because of the layout of the hospital, I have to cross the lobby a number of times. Each time, he stands in the doorway so I have to walk past him.)

    Him: “Give me your number.”

    Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry.”

    (I keep walking. I’m not very good at telling people straight out that I’m not interested. A few days later… he has come back once on my day off and left when he finds out I am not working.)

    Receptionist: “I’m glad you didn’t give him your number. This guy is crazy!”

    Me: “What happened?”

    Receptionist: “He sat and waited in the parking lot to see if you would come out. When I did, he got my husband’s number off the truck.” *he sold diet products from home and had an advertisement on her truck*

    Receptionist: “He called me every day for three days asking if you were going to give him your number!”

    Me: “I’ll take care of it. I’m so sorry!”

    (I called him from the work phone, so he wouldn’t have my number, and told him to leave us both alone. We never heard from him again.)

    Trying Your Patients

    | New Zealand | Bizarre, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    Charge Nurse: “Hello.”

    Caller: “Is Mr [Name] one of your patients?”

    Charge Nurse: “Yes. Why?”

    Caller: “He’s in the gynaecology ward. Please retrieve him.”

    Charge Nurse: “How did he get there? He needs one assist just to walk around his bed!”

    Caller: “Well, either the dementia made him forget he couldn’t walk or he’s just been alone for too long in life.”

    Charge Nurse: “Pardon me? I’m sure he’s just in his bed in his room”

    Caller: “Look, just come and get him. He took the elevator up four floors, found the gynae ward, walked into a room with a cervical smear in progress, and asked if he could be of assistance.”

    Charge Nurse: “…”

    Not Quite Ringing True

    | England, UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I have brought my friend into the hospital.)

    Doctor: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Friend: “I think I inhaled my nose ring…”

    Me: *trying not to laugh*

    Doctor: “Do you think you swallowed it?”

    Friend: “Uhm, yes. But I also feel a lump at the back of my throat…”

    Doctor: *does examination* “Okay, I can’t see anything but I’ll send you for an x-ray. When did this happen?”

    Friend: “Three days ago.”

    Doctor: “So you waited three days to get checked out when you thought you had a piece of metal stuck in your throat, yet you’re breathing, eating, and drinking fine for those three days?”

    Friend: “Yeah.”

    Doctor: “Okay, I’ll send you for an x-ray.”

    (Not surprisingly, the x-ray came back clear and almost everyone was trying to hold in their laughter!)

    A Welcome Change

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Top

    (I’ve been a nurse for a long time. There have been a few patients over the years that think nurses are slaves and never say please or thank you.)

    Patient: “Turn the TV on.”

    Me: *turns TV on*

    Patient: “Get me a glass of water!”

    Me: *hands him a glass of water*

    Patient’s Relative: “Pass the tissues over.”

    Me: *passes the box of tissue over to the relative*

    (This had been going on all day with never a please or thank you. I have had enough so I say:)

    Me: “You’re welcome!”

    Patient: “Pardon. What was that?”

    Me: *acting surprised* “I said ‘you’re welcome.’ I thought I heard you say ‘thank you.’ My mistake. Sorry.”

    (The manners improved substantially after that! I’ve only had to say it three or four times in 30 years, but it’s always worked!)

    He’s Not Exactly Professor X(Ray)

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (An elderly man in a wheelchair comes into the clinic waiting room accompanied by his adult son. This clinic is held upstairs.)

    Nurse: “Mr. [Man]?”

    Man: “Yep.”

    Nurse: “You’ll need an x-ray before you see [Consultant].”

    Man: “I’m not having no x-ray. I’ve had enough x-rays!”

    Nurse: “Well, [Consultant] has requested a new x-ray before he sees you today.”

    Man: “No, I’m not having no x-ray.”

    Nurse: “Did you want me to cancel your appointment today, then?”

    Man: “No, I’m here. I want my appointment.”

    Nurse: Well, [Consultant] can’t do anything unless you have a new x-ray.”

    Man: “Fine! I’ll have the x-ray.”

    Nurse: “Okay, then. If you’ll just take the lift to go downstairs to x-ray—”

    Man: “Down? I’ve just come up in the lift! I’m not going down again! I’ve had enough of this: up in the lift, down in the lift. I don’t like lifts! I’m not going down in any lift. You can’t make me.”

    Son: “I reckon you’ll be staying here all night, then, Dad. We’re on the second floor.”

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