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  • Not A Measure Of Intelligence

    | New Hampshire, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am helping a customer load some insulation. We were unsure if it would fit. This occurs after it did, in fact, fit.)

    Customer: “The insulation fit by like that much huh?”

    (The customer holds out hands gesturing about a foot in length.)

    Me: “Yeah, I guess so!”

    Customer: “Wanna know how I knew it would fit?”

    Me: “How?”

    Customer: “Because that’s the size of my c–”

    Me: “OKAY! Have a good day!”

    A Tanner Darkly

    | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Health & Body

    (An elderly man comes to my till. He is obviously tanning a lot, which is something I don’t do because I’m East Indian.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you?”

    Customer: “Great, thanks.”

    Me: “That’s good, and you found everything okay?”

    Customer: “Yes, I found everything okay!”

    Me: *giggles* “Wow, sir, if you don’t mind my saying…you’re even darker than I am!”

    Customer: *chuckles* “Well, I try to tan every moment I get!”

    Me: “Ha! Well, whenever I go in the sun, I always wear 60 SPF.”

    Customer: “I never wear that sunscreen garbage. Never have, and never will. It causes cancer, you know? Too much of that sunscreen stuff!”

    Me: “Okay…well, have a good day. Enjoy the sunshine!”

    Customer: “I will! You do the same, darlin’. You’re lookin’ a little pale!”

    Live Wires Are Stupid Magnets

    | Wilmington, NC, USA | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Excuse me, I have these wires that are red, black, and white, coming out of my drywall in my garage. I touched them and they did not appear live. I need to do something with them so I can patch the wall.”

    Me: “Okay, we can get some caps for you and some electrical tape. Just cap each one individually and wrap them individually with the tape and
    you can tuck them back into the wall without any issues.”

    Customer: “Should I test them to see if they are live? Should I touch them to my tongue?”

    Me: “No!”

    How To Fleece Customers

    | Sydney, Australia | Top

    Customer: “There are lots of different kinds of quilt fibres. Which kind is best?”

    Me: “Well, generally natural fibres are best. Wool is particularly good. It’s warm in winter and cool in summer. Plus, wool is fire resistant.”

    Customer: “Well, now that I think about it, I’ve never seen a sheep on fire.”

    A State Of Mindlessness, Part 2

    | WA, USA | Health & Body, Home Improvement

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’ve noticed that all these pieces of wood have a sticker on them that say’s they contain a product that is believed to cause cancer in the state of California.”

    Me: “Yes, that is just a sticker the company has left on there because we also sell in California.”

    Customer: “So, since I live here in Washington I won’t get cancer, right?”

    Related:
    A State Of Mindlessness

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