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    Cancelling The Doorway To Time Travel

    | NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s about eight in the morning and we’ve been open for two hours. I answer the phone.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [Store Name and location], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I ordered a door yesterday.”

    Me: “Okay, did—“

    Caller: “I canceled it today.”

    Me: “Okay. D—“

    Caller: “But I have a receipt that says I paid for it.”

    Me: “Hold on, please.” *I mute the phone and turn to my associate at the other desk* “Hey, did a guy come in this morning and cancel his door?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, the charge hadn’t even gone through with his bank yet, so he’s good. It’s already canceled out.”

    Me: “Okay.” *picks up phone* “Sir, when was your receipt dated? The one that says you paid for it?”

    Caller: “Yesterday.”

    Me: “And you canceled it this morning?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “So.. you… canceled it.”

    Caller: “Yeah, but this receipt says I paid for it!”

    Me: “The receipt is from the day before you paid for it.”

    Caller: “…”

    Me: “So it isn’t valid anymore.”

    Caller: “But—“

    Me: “The receipt from the day you placed the order has been overridden by the cancellation of the order, which was done today. Your receipt is now invalid.”

    Caller: “So… I won’t be charged?”

    Me: “No, sir.”

    (After the call ends, I turn to the other associate.)

    Me: “Well, it looks like we’ve got a time-traveling ‘Receipt-Lord’ on our hands, guys.”

    Mutant Turtles

    | MN, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (I am stocking shelves in our birdseed section.)

    Caller: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Caller: “I’m looking for something to keep turtles out of my birdfeeder.”

    Me: “… What?”

    Caller: “My birdfeeder? Those turtles keep pestering my birds and eating all the feed.”

    Me: “How would… turtles? I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

    Caller: “I…NEED…TO…KEEP…TURTLES…OUT! Is that so hard to understand?”

    Me: “How on earth does a turtle even get onto a birdfeeder?!”

    Caller: “Oh, did I say turtles? I meant squirrels! Now I see your confusion!”

    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 5

    | Columbus, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working the returns desk. If a customer returns too many times under an ID instead of a receipt, it blocks them in our return system. To help out someone who just wants to use an ID, I warn them about what may happen and try to find the receipt in my computer first. A customer walks in with some closet doors to return.)

    Me: “Hello. Do you have your receipt or the card you may have paid with?”

    Customer: “No, just use my ID.”

    Me: “Are you sure you don’t want me to try and find it? If you use your ID too many times it will block you.”

    Customer: *suddenly very angry* “Look! I am a contractor and I am registered with your corporate as a contractor, so I can make as many ID returns I want! So why don’t you just shut up and do your d*** job, or is your job too hard?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I was just trying to help out. I wasn’t aware you were a contractor and were registered with corporate.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t need your f****** help. Do your d*** job, you stupid idiot. I buy from here all the time and have never been treated so rudely!”

    Me: “I AM doing my job, sir, by informing you of some policy you may not have known about. I also politely request you watch your language. You are in a public place and are being very rude to me and the people around you.”

    Customer: “I will be rude to who ever I f****** want. I just want you to know you have completely ruined by whole day!” *starts storming off*

    Me: *in the most polite voice I can muster* “Well, I hope the rest of your day is fantastic, sir!”

    Customer: *flips me the bird* “F*** YOU!”

    Related:
    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 4
    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 3
    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 2
    Past The Point Of No Return

    Thank God Christmas Comes But Once A Year

    | MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (Due to poor customer service by a coworker, my manager is helping a customer with Christmas items. He gives her expensive live trees for $10 each and some free Christmas lights to make up for my coworker. He apologizes and thanks the customer before leaving to deal with another issue. This is what I hear when the customer goes to the services desk to pay and complain to the desk clerk.)

    Customer: “I am never shopping here again! That was horrible service.”

    Clerk: “I am so sorry about the mix up with [Coworker]. That usually doesn’t happen. [Manager] took care of you though? Right?”

    Customer: “I don’t care about what happened with [Coworker]! [Manager] was so rude! It was TERRIBLE and offensive!”

    Clerk: *shocked* “What happened with [Manager]?”

    Customer: “He didn’t wish me a Merry Christmas! He ruined my Christmas shopping trip by being a heathen! I’m going to complain to his boss!”

    (Yes, she did complain to our store manager and wrote a scathing review on our company’s ‘comment about us’ service! Thankfully, our awesome manager was not reprimanded, but was quite disappointed with the old proverb that you can’t please everyone!)

    Same Name, Shed Load Of Difference

    | ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Money

    (It’s the middle of January, in Ontario, early morning. I’m working the customer service/return desk when I get a call.)

    Customer: *slightly hysterical* “I need your help! I just need you to listen. My ex-husband just dropped off a shed at my place but it’s the wrong size! He got me the wrong size! I need to return it!”

    Me: “That’s not a problem. Just bring back the shed in the original box and the receipt. We can give you a full refund.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want a refund. I want a god-d*** shed!”

    Me: “I understand that. Just bring in the shed with the receipt and you can use the refund to buy a new shed.”

    Customer: “Well, how does that work?”

    Me: “We’ll refund the purchase to however much he paid for it. If it was cash, we’ll give you cash. If it was credit, then we’ll refund it to his card.”

    Customer: “He paid cash!”

    Me: “That’s fine. Bring in the receipt and we’ll give you cash. But I do need that receipt and the product in the original packaging. Without the receipt, I can still offer you store credit for the shed, but you may not get as much as he paid.”

    Customer: “Okay. I’m going to have to get a cab, and you still have the box.”

    Me: “I… what?”

    Customer: “You still have the box. My ex-husband couldn’t fit it in his truck. So they took the shed out of the box and left the box behind.”

    Me: “I need that box. I can’t take back something like that in bits and pieces. It has to come back in the same condition it left.”

    Customer: “I need you to take it back! You still have the box!”

    Me: “I appreciate your position, but I need that box. Without the receipt I can still offer you store credit but I can’t take it back without the box. I need it to sell it to someone else.”

    Customer: “But I need you to take it back! It won’t fit! My ex-husband—”

    Me: “Please, miss. Let me take a look around. If we’re lucky, the box hasn’t been sent to the compactor yet and we can put the shed back in the box when you get here. Give me your name and number. In 10 minutes I’ll call you back. It’s early and it’s been slow, so maybe I still have that box.”

    Customer: “Okay. I’ve already called a cab to pick me up and take back this lousy shed! Call me back soon.”

    Me: “Okay. I’ll do what I can. Please don’t leave until I call you back.”

    (I give her my name and position, and end the call. I start going across the store looking for the box. The compactor is completely empty. It’s not by our loading area. I’m starting to suspect something isn’t quite right. I go out to our outdoor garden area, which is where the sheds are stored. The area is closed for the season. It has two feet of snow and not a single footprint since the last snowfall. No one has sold a shed today. I call the customer back but only get voice mail. The customer has already left, there is no box, and no one remembers selling or loading a shed. I leave a message anyway, asking the customer to call me back, and that I can’t find the box. Three hours later I get a call.)

    Customer: “Is this [My Name]?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I called earlier about the shed? I just got back and got your message.”

    Me: “Okay. So, I—”

    Customer: “I came into your store and returned the shed. You weren’t there. There was another man there, and they still had the box. They gave me a store credit. But you said that if I had the receipt and my ex-husband paid cash, then—”

    Me: “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Miss… I have been here all day. I haven’t left my desk once because I was expecting you. There has been no one else.”

    Customer: “I went to the store on the north side of town. Do you work in the store on the north or south side?”

    Me: “Miss, there is only one [store] in town.”

    Customer: “Well, no. They told me that there are two. One in the north and one in the south.”

    Me: “Miss, do you still have the receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Could you read it to me? Right from the top?”

    Customer: “It says [Competitor], [address], [date]—”

    Me: “Miss, your receipt is from [Competitor].”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “This is [store].”

    Customer: “Oh…” *click*

    (The really funny part? That day, working at the returns desk at the competitor’s store was a guy with the same name as me! She came gunning right for him. The poor guy never had a chance.)

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