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    (Telepathic) Help Wanted, Part 2

    | Atlanta, USA |

    Old Customer with Earhair: “Do you have fixative?”

    Coworker 1: “I’m not aware of a product by that name. What do you want it to do?”

    Earhair: “Get me someone else who knows the inventory!”

    Coworker 2: “Sir, can I help you?”

    Earhair: “Yeah, I want some fixative.”

    Coworker 2: “We don’t have a product by that name, but if you describe it, we can get it for you.”

    Earhair: “I buy fixative in here ALL THE TIME.”

    Coworker 2: “What does the product look like?”

    Earhair: “This is ridiculous. You should know your inventory well enough to READ MY MIND!”

    Related:
    (Telepathic) Help Wanted

    Mission: Impossible, Part 3

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Yeah I need some shelving.”

    Me: “Sure, do you want the wall mounted kind?”

    Customer: “Oh…no.”

    Me: “Okay, so you want the free standing kind?

    Customer: “No, that’s not it either.”

    Me: “Umm, okay. Do you want it to hang from a ceiling or something?”

    Customer: “No, I just want some shelving!”

    Me: “Do you want it to levitate??”

    Related:
    Mission: Impossible, Part 2
    Mission: Impossible

    Gray, Green, Same Difference

    | Washington, USA |

    (I was working at the paint desk, and it was in my first day of being trained how to mix the paint using the codes on the color swatches.)

    Customer: “1 gallon of this color, please.” *hands me a forest green color swatch*

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I mix the paint, my manager watching the paint can comes out of the mixer and I pop the top off to make sure I didn’t screw up. And low and behold, the paint is gray, not even close to the the green he asked for.)

    Me: “I am sorry sir, I will have my manager re-do it for you. I am sorry about the wait.”

    Customer: “No, no, don’t worry about it…that color is close enough.” *takes can and walks off*

    My manager: *look of utter confusion*

    If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Uh, yes, I need the grey paint for the carpet. Which one is best for the carpet?”

    Me: “Sir, we do not have a paint for carpet.”

    Customer: “Yes, yes. No…no. You do not understand…see, I need to paint carpet, yes? You tell me which one. Yes, yes?”

    Me: “Sir, like I said, it is not advisable to paint your carpet. It will harden and you will not be able to remove it, so I cannot recommend a product at this time.”

    Customer: “No, no, you see wrong. I paint floor of car. It is very cheap, I like to paint the carpet, it is cheap, yes? So which one, which one?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t think you understand me when I tell you that it is not possible to spray paint carpet. You may dye it, or you may try to remove the stain. I could show you where–”

    *customer cuts me off*

    Customer: “No, no, you see, I need paint. For carpet, yes? And you show me which one. Yes? We do this now.”

    Me: “…okay. Try that grey one over there.”

    Customer: “Is it good for carpet?”

    Me: *blank stare*

    *pause*

    Me: “Sure, why not?”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, thank you!”

    Me: *sigh*

    You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy

    | California, USA |

    Customer: “I need a door.”

    Me: “What kind of door?”

    Customer: “You’re the professional!”

    Me: “…”

    Me: “Where are you going while passing through this door, and where are you leaving?”

    Customer: “Garage from the kitchen.”

    Me: “Great, and what size is the door that’s there now?”

    Customer: “They make them in different sizes?”

    *throws self out window*

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