Taking A Leap (Year) From The Truth

| Rothschild, WI, USA | Home Improvement, Money, Uncategorized

Customer: “I bought this heat gun a month and a half ago. I don’t have a receipt. I just want an exchange.”

Me: “You bought this a month and a half ago? About early June?”

Customer: “Yes. I just want an exchange.”

Me: *double checks computer* “Sir, we discontinued this almost a year ago. We sold our last one this past October.”

Customer: “Maybe it was a little longer than a month and a half…”

Not Quite Hammering A Point Home

| Wisconsin, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My daughter is having her birthday in a few days. Do you do kids’ birthday parties?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “Do you come to people’s homes dressed up for kids’ birthday parties?  I was hoping for a princess theme.”

Me: “Ma’am, I believe you have to wrong number. This is a home improvement store.”

Caller: “No, I do not have the wrong number! I was told you do kids’ birthday parties!”

Me: “Uh, well…in our grocery department we sell candles. And cake mix. And frosting.”

Caller: “Oh, wonderful! Do you have decorations you could bring too?”

Me: “I’m not going to bring anything, but you could come in to our store to buy the cake supplies and some decorations from our wall-coverings department.”

Caller: “You have specific departments for kids’ birthdays? That’s wonderful! Where are you located and what are your hours?”

Me: “Ma’am, like I said before, you called a home improvement store. We, unfortunately, do not provide entertainment for children’s birthday parties, but we are located at [address] and our store hours are 6:30 AM to 10 PM.”

Caller: “Just perfect, you’ve been so helpful!  Have a wonderful day!” *hangs up*

Not On Their Best Bee-hive-ior

| Maryland, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(A customer is running around the perennial section like a maniac.)

Me: “Is everything okay, ma’am?”

Customer: “The bees!  They’re chasing me!”

Me: “They really won’t bother you, ma’am. They’re too interested in the flowers to pay much attention to you.”

Customer: “That’s easy for you to say! The bees KNOW you!”

Indoor Trees Are An Absolute Debarkle

| Saint Louis, MO, USA | Math & Science, Uncategorized

(I am working in the garden shop. Note that we’re experiencing 60 mph winds.)

Customer: "You people really have a problem out here!"

Me: "I’m sorry sir, what seems to be the issue?"

Customer: "You have trees blowing over all over the place!"

Me: "I do apologize. We have been trying to contain them, but mother nature is winning."

Customer: "Screw your mother nature! Just take them inside. It’s where they belong anyway!"

Drawing A Blanc

| Georgia, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to return this paint.  It’s the wrong color.”

Me: “What color did you need?”

Customer: “I needed white. This is blanco.”

Me: “Sir, this is a gallon of white paint. ‘Blanco’ is white in Spanish.”

Customer: “I don’t need Spanish white.”

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