All Signs Point To Duh, Part 2

| Lexington, KY, USA |

Customer: “I need to return these flowers. They died.”

Me: “This appears to be a bag of soil.”

Customer: “Well, I pulled them up a week ago, I guess they fell apart.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll just need your original receipt.”

Customer: “I don’t have a receipt.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but to return plants I’ll need a receipt.”

Customer: “Your signs say that you have a one-year guarantee!”

Me: “Yes, we do, but you have to keep your receipt because the price of plants changes so often.”

Customer: “I’d like to speak the a manager.”

(I call the manager of the garden center inside, and he tells the customer the exact same thing I did.)

Customer: “Well, you should really post it somewhere that you have to keep your receipt.”

Me: “It is posted in the–”

Customer: “Where? Somewhere no one can find, I bet!”

Me: “Actually, it’s posted in the garden center immediately outside the doors. It’s to the right.”

Customer: “In tiny letters, right!?”

Me: “No, the sign is about 6 feet tall. It’s also printed on the back of every receipt. I’m sorry if you missed it.”

Customer: “Well, I doubt anyone can find it. I’m shopping at [competitor] from now on!” *starts to walk away*

Me: “Sir, you left your plants.”

Customer: “I don’t need a bag of dirt!”

(The customer tries to exit through the entrance doors. They don’t open automatically from the inside.)

Me: “Sir, those doors don’t open from this side.”

Customer: “Well, they shouldn’t say ‘EXIT’ on them, then, should they?”

Me: “The door actually says ‘NO EXIT’.”

Customer: “Hmph!”

Related:
All Signs Point To Other Signs
All Signs Point To No
All Signs Point To Duh
All Signs Point To Yes

Up His Own Perineum

| Canada |

Me: “Hello sir, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for some perennials who don’t need maintenance on it.”

Me: “Well, we got a few who need very low attention, but–”

Customer: “–and I don’t want to water them! I don’t have time for that!”

Me: “Every plants need water sir, even cactus, but we–”

Customer: “And they gonna be by the pool, so they need to be waterproof, too!”

Me: “Waterproof?”

Customer: “Yeah, so the chlorine won’t affect them and they will not die!”

Me: “So you want some flowers who doesn’t need maintenance, don’t need water and that chlorine won’t kill?”

Customer: “Yep, that’s it!”

Me: “Plastic flowers gonna work?”

Customer: “Do you think I am stupid! Get me your manager!”

(I call my manager, and the customer explains everything he wants to my boss. My manager responds similarly…)

Manager: “Plastic flowers?”

Customer: “You guys don’t know anything about gardening!”

Wising Up To Dumbing Down

| Long Island, NY, USA |

(I’m showing a customer the difference between a few different products and the benefits of each. After a few minutes, he selects the item he wants.)

Customer: “Why are you so smart?”

Me: *jokingly* “Everyone tells me to stop, but I guess I just can’t help it!”

Customer: *completely serious* “Well, stop it! It annoys me when people are smarter than me!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Kids these days!” *walks off*

Jingle H*lls

| Minnesota, USA |

(An older woman and her husband approach me during the Christmas season.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a baby Jesus for my nativity scene.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. We’re currently out of baby Jesus.”

Customer: *to husband* “You hear that?! They’re all out of d*** baby Jesuses!”

Negative Tree-inforcement

| Tulsa, OK, USA |

(A customer comes up with a 40 pound tree teetering on the edge of her flatbed cart.)

Customer: “This tree sure is wobbly!”

Me: “Just be careful with it, ma’am. Don’t let it fall.”

(As I lean down to scan several other smaller plants, the customer lets go of the tree and it hits me on the head.)

Me: “Ouch!”

Customer: “You should improve your attitude. You haven’t smiled once this whole time!”

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