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    Drawing A Blanc

    | Georgia, USA |

    Customer: “I need to return this paint.  It’s the wrong color.”

    Me: “What color did you need?”

    Customer: “I needed white. This is blanco.”

    Me: “Sir, this is a gallon of white paint. ‘Blanco’ is white in Spanish.”

    Customer: “I don’t need Spanish white.”

    Between A Rock And A Hard Head

    | Lexington, KY, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “What is a pebble?”

    Me: “Well, it’s a very small rock…generally smooth.”

    Customer: “Fine, where do you sell pebbles?”

    Me: “Right at the back of the garden section, sir.”

    Customer: “Are your pebbles heat-resistant?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, but I could call one of our garden specialists to help you.”

    Customer: “Never mind! I need heat resistant rocks!” (He shows me a rock.) “Is this rock limestone? Limestone is heat resistant.”

    Me: “I can’t tell if it’s limestone just from looking, but limestone has a lot of calcium in it, so if you dip it in vinegar and fizzes up, it’s probably limestone.”

    Customer: “Forget it! You are worthless! I’ll just stick this in the microwave and see if it’s heat resistant!”

    (He storms off. He came back the next day…for a new microwave.)

    Out Of This World Prices

    | Santa Clarita, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I need your assistance with these lights here. Do I just plug these into the dirt?”

    Me: “They’re solar powered, so you stick them into your lawn and they’ll charge during the day so they can shine during the evening. Right now they’re on clearance for $14.98.”

    Customer: “How many batteries will I have to buy? I always get things like this on sale and then you trick me because I have to buy batteries.”

    Me: “They’re solar powered.”

    Customer: “I just want to know how many batteries I need.”

    Me: “Well these particular lights only need one battery. It’s big and yellow and floats in the sky. It’s called the Sun.”

    Customer: “Never mind, then. That sounds awfully expensive.”

    What’s In A Name

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell christmas trees?”

    Me: “Yes, we do in the Garden Center.”

    Customer: “Thanks…”

    (A few minutes later, the customer returns.)

    Customer: “I can’t seem to find them.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll show you where they are.”

    (I leads to Garden Center and points out section donated to the trees.)

    Me: “They’re right there, ma’am.”

    Customer: “No, you’re wrong. Those are evergreens! I want a Christmas Tree!”

    Me: “Ma’am, evergreens are Christmas trees.”

    Customer: “No, they’re different! I want a Christmas tree, not some stupid evergreen!”

    Me: “Ma’am, they are the same.”

    Customer: “No, they are not! Christmas trees stay green all year round, and evergreens lose their leaves!”

    Male To Female Adapter

    | Dublin, GA, USA |

    Me: “Hi what can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Um…. I need some… *whispers* tampons?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Some tampons please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I think you have the wrong store.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t. My husband told me to come here and get them!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We don’t sell those here.”

    Customer: “But you have to. He said he got some here last week.”

    (I realize she probably means tapcons, which are masonry screws.)

    Me: “Do you mean tapcons?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that could be it. I don’t know why he told me to get tampons. That doesn’t make any sense.”


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