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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Makes You Want To Meter Maker

    | Fife, UK | Home Improvement

    (I pick up the phone.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, can you tell me what 130 mm is in centimeters?”

    Me: “13 cm.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Uh, pretty sure.”

    Caller: “Hmm, okay. Thank you.”

    (I hang up. 30 seconds later the phone rings again, this time one of my co-workers answers it.)

    Co-Worker: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

    *pause*

    Co-Worker: “13 cm.”

    Military Discount Can Save An Arm And A Leg

    | Sicklerville, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money

    Customer: “Now don’t forget my military discount!”

    Me: “Do you have a military ID, sir?”

    Customer: “Sure do.”

    (He starts digging through his wallet and doesn’t immediately find it.)

    Customer: “I can also show you my scars from Vietnam!”

    Me: “Just the ID will do fine.”

    Directionless Call

    | Rockledge, FL, USA | Bizarre

    Me: *answering phone* "How may I direct your call?"

    *silence*

    Me: "Hello?"

    (After repeating this a few times, I hear fumbling on the other end.)

    Caller: "Hello?"

    Me: "Hello, sir. How may I direct your call?"

    Caller: "I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong number."

    Me: "But…you called me."

    Sales (Baby) Boom

    | Denver, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

    (The store allows you to pay off your store credit card bill at any of their stores. I was in the store paying off the company’s bill at one of the regular checkout stations. I had my 5 month old son with me in his carrier, which I put on the counter while the clerk was scanning the statement stub and the check. Another customer came up behind us, saw the carrier, but no items, on the counter and the clerk scanning a check.)

    Customer: “Is she buying a baby?”

    Clerk: *without missing a beat* “Yep, she got the last one on the shelf.”

    Some Assembly And Intelligence Required

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

    Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [home improvement store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I just had my shed delivered this morning and you people sent me the wrong size.”

    Me: “Okay, just let me pull up your order here and see what may have gone wrong.”

    Customer: “I don’t know how you people could have messed this up, I clearly ordered a 6×6 shed and I just measured the one you delivered and its clearly only 4×6.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Well, the type of shed we delivered only comes in a 6×6 model. Did you happen to have any parts left over when you finished building it?”

    Customer: “Oh, well I haven’t actually built it yet. But I’ve measured the crate it comes in and it only measure 4×6.”

    Me: “Sir, what does the label on the crate say?”

    Customer: “It says 6×6. But I measured it and it’s only 4×6!”

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