October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Beware The Old Prune That Prunes

| Somerset, UK | Somerset, UK | Bizarre

(An elderly lady comes in and tells me she wants to look at flooring. As I’m under strict orders not to leave the tills, I direct her to the flooring while I get a coworker from that department. She walks away and comes back a few minutes later, and we begin to chat idly while waiting for help.)

Customer: “What’s your name?”

Me: *smiling and pointing at name tag* “Jasmine.”

Customer: “Oh, I used to have some jasmines in my garden.”

Me: “Oh that’s nice!”

Customer: “I HATED IT! It grew like a weed. I had to chop it all down.”

Me: “Oh, that’s not good.”

Customer: “Now, you’d better get me someone RIGHT NOW, or I’ll chop YOU down!”

Me: “Um, someone’s on their way.”

(A few minutes later, the coworker who went to talk to her comes up to me to borrow a tape measure for her. I tell him what she said to me.)

Me: *to coworker* “She said she wants to chop me down like she did her jasmine plants!”

Coworker: “You know, that’s really weird…when I first went up to her, she said ‘I’m so glad you’re here. I was going to smack her in the face in a minute!'”

(Finally, as the customer is about to leave, she comes up to me again.)

Customer: “Well, I’m glad you got your coworker. He was very good.”

Me: “I’m very pleased about that!”

Customer: *menacingly* “I’ll let you live…this time.”

Dumb By Any Metric

| Oklahoma, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

Customer: “What’s the difference between these two water heater gas lines?”

Me: “One is two feet long, and one is four feet long.”

Customer: “But what is the difference? They’re priced differently.”

Me: “Um, one is 24 inches long, and one is 48 inches long.”

Customer: “I don’t understand! Why should I buy one over the other?”

Me: “Because one is only this long.” *holds arms two feet apart* “And one is this long.” *hold arms four feet apart*

Customer: “You don’t have to be so rude!” *storms away*

Speaking Of Rips…

| Bella Vista, AR, USA | Liars & Scammers

(I’m in the lawn and garden section and see a lady looking at some flowers. I see her pull a flowerpot off of the rack and tear the plastic container apart. She then turns around and sees me.)

Customer: “The packaging on this item is broken. Can I get a discount?”

Me: *unsure of how to respond* “Let me get you my manager, ma’am.”

(I explain the situation to my manager on the way over.)

Customer: “The packaging on this item was broken. Can I get a discount?”

Manager: “Ma’am, we can’t give discounts on items that you yourself have broken.”

Customer: “What a rip-off!” *leaves store*

Water You, Stupid, Part 9

| Texas, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work at a home improvement store selling appliances. I receive a call from a very upset customer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I picked up a fridge yesterday. It has been 24 hours and hasn’t made any ice.”

Me: “Okay, sir, we’re going to run troubleshooting. Is the fridge getting power?”

Customer: “Of course it’s plugged in. What do you think I am, an idiot?”

Me: “Sorry, sir. I’m just trying to troubleshoot. Is the water supply to the fridge working?”

Customer: “What water supply?”

Me: “Well, sir, you have to connect the fridge to a water line for it to be able to make ice.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? I have to hook up the fridge to water? I thought it just made ice.”

Me: “Well, sir, it can’t pull water straight from the air.”

Customer: “Running water to a fridge…I don’t understand why these companies have to make things so complicated these days!” *hangs up*

Water You, Stupid, Part 8
Water You, Stupid, Part 7
Water You, Stupid, Part 6
Water You, Stupid, Part 5
Water You, Stupid, Part 4
Water You, Stupid, Part 3
Water You, Stupid, Part 2
Water You, Stupid

A Case Of Late Onset Dissatisfaction

| Michigan, USA | At The Checkout

(I’m working at the returns desk. A customer enters with a 5-gallon bucket of deck stain and sets it on the counter with ease. This tips me off because these buckets weigh about 50lbs when full.)

Me: “Hello. Did you have a problem with the stain?”

Customer: “No, it just wasn’t the right color. I didn’t like it at all.”

(I open the bucket and notice its 3/4 of the way used.)

Me: “And you decided not to stop after the second coat?”

Customer: *blank stare of guilt*

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