(This is when I was working at a certain home improvement store in a rural area of Edmonton.)

(A lady walks up carrying a bag of manure.)

Lady: “Can you tell me the price of this item, please?”

Me: “Sure thing. It comes up to $6.50, ma’am.”

Lady: “$6.50? Hmm…I don’t suppose you can call [competitor store] and see how much they sell it for, can you?”

Me: “Sure thing, ma’am.”

(I call up our competitor, and it turns out they sell the same product for $6.49.)

Me: “They have it on sale for $6.49, ma’am.”

Lady: “$6.49! Would you be able to make a price match?”

Me: “Uh….you want me to lower the price from $6.50 to $6.49?”

Lady: “Yes, that’s right. Is that a problem?”

Me: “Well, uh…”

(She wants it lowered by a CENT? The store policy doesn’t let me lower it unless it’s a dollar difference, or by special request of the currently absent manager.)

Me: “Erm…well, policy is that we can’t lower the price unless the difference is at least a dollar.”

Lady: “What!? That’s crazy! I demand you lower the price for me, or I’m taking this straight to management!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s really no need to do that. It’s company policy, there’s nothing really I can do.”

Lady: “FINE!” *throws down the bag* “I’m leaving and going to [competitor store]!”

Me: “…Have a nice day.”

(I’d like to point out that the nearest competitor store is about twenty minutes away. She’d have paid more in gas getting there than she would have if she just bought it here.)

Old Customer with Earhair: “Do you have fixative?”

Coworker 1: “I’m not aware of a product by that name. What do you want it to do?”

Earhair: “Get me someone else who knows the inventory!”

Coworker 2: “Sir, can I help you?”

Earhair: “Yeah, I want some fixative.”

Coworker 2: “We don’t have a product by that name, but if you describe it, we can get it for you.”

Earhair: “I buy fixative in here ALL THE TIME.”

Coworker 2: “What does the product look like?”

Earhair: “This is ridiculous. You should know your inventory well enough to READ MY MIND!”

Related:
(Telepathic) Help Wanted

Customer: “Yeah I need some shelving.”

Me: “Sure, do you want the wall mounted kind?”

Customer: “Oh…no.”

Me: “Okay, so you want the free standing kind?

Customer: “No, that’s not it either.”

Me: “Umm, okay. Do you want it to hang from a ceiling or something?”

Customer: “No, I just want some shelving!”

Me: “Do you want it to levitate??”

Related:
Mission: Impossible, Part 2
Mission: Impossible

(I was working at the paint desk, and it was in my first day of being trained how to mix the paint using the codes on the color swatches.)

Customer: “1 gallon of this color, please.” *hands me a forest green color swatch*

Me: “Okay.”

(I mix the paint, my manager watching the paint can comes out of the mixer and I pop the top off to make sure I didn’t screw up. And low and behold, the paint is gray, not even close to the the green he asked for.)

Me: “I am sorry sir, I will have my manager re-do it for you. I am sorry about the wait.”

Customer: “No, no, don’t worry about it…that color is close enough.” *takes can and walks off*

My manager: *look of utter confusion*

Customer: “Uh, yes, I need the grey paint for the carpet. Which one is best for the carpet?”

Me: “Sir, we do not have a paint for carpet.”

Customer: “Yes, yes. No…no. You do not understand…see, I need to paint carpet, yes? You tell me which one. Yes, yes?”

Me: “Sir, like I said, it is not advisable to paint your carpet. It will harden and you will not be able to remove it, so I cannot recommend a product at this time.”

Customer: “No, no, you see wrong. I paint floor of car. It is very cheap, I like to paint the carpet, it is cheap, yes? So which one, which one?”

Me: “Sir, I don’t think you understand me when I tell you that it is not possible to spray paint carpet. You may dye it, or you may try to remove the stain. I could show you where–”

*customer cuts me off*

Customer: “No, no, you see, I need paint. For carpet, yes? And you show me which one. Yes? We do this now.”

Me: “…okay. Try that grey one over there.”

Customer: “Is it good for carpet?”

Me: *blank stare*

*pause*

Me: “Sure, why not?”

Customer: “Yes, yes, thank you!”

Me: *sigh*

Customer: “I need a door.”

Me: “What kind of door?”

Customer: “You’re the professional!”

Me: “…”

Me: “Where are you going while passing through this door, and where are you leaving?”

Customer: “Garage from the kitchen.”

Me: “Great, and what size is the door that’s there now?”

Customer: “They make them in different sizes?”

*throws self out window*

(Me loading lumber on a rack)

Customer: “Excuse me. Where is your Lumber Department?”

(I have a friend that works at a home improvement store; one day, a woman comes in looking for a generator)

Customer: “What does it mean when it says seven gallon tank?”

Employee: “Uh, it means it can hold seven gallons of gas.”

Customer: “Gas? Why would it need gas?”

Employee: “It’s a generator. How else would it produce electricity?”

Customer: “I thought you just plugged it in.”

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