Works With Different Fibres

| Finland | Bizarre, Home Improvement

(During a day off, I get a phone call.)

Me: “[My Name].”

Caller: “Hi, this is [Caller], about [some renovation project]…”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Caller: “…Isn’t this [Plumber]?”

Me: “No, this is a private number.”

Caller: “Well, do you by any chance do plumbing for living or something like that?”

Me: “Telecom engineer, so different kind of pipes. Sorry.” *click*

Refunder Blunder, Part 15

, | Olympia, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Home Improvement

(I work the return desk at a home improvement store that’s going out of business. We stop accepting returns unless the item was purchased prior to liquidation, and there are signs posted everywhere stating all sales are final. An elderly gentleman walks up to the desk with an item return.)

Me: *checking receipt* “I see this is a purchase made after the liquidation process started. I’m afraid all sales are final.”

Customer: *sputtering* “Well, you should have signs posted warning people!”

(I show him where the signs are.)

Customer: “THOSE weren’t there when I bought this!”

Me: “They have been there over a month.

Customer: “Well, you should print it on the receipts, so people don’t waste time!”

(I take out his receipt and show him the text.)

Customer: “YOU JUST PUT THAT ON THERE, YOU LITTLE B****!”

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 14
Refunder Blunder, Part 13
Refunder Blunder, Part 12

Not Quite Feeling This Request

, | Madison, WI, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

(An artistic, elaborately dressed woman wanders in and is standing by the paint samples in a melodramatic stance. I wander over.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: *gives me a withering look and says* “I’m looking for Bittersweet.”

Me: “That doesn’t sound like one of our colors, but I can look it up in the database and see if we can match it.”

Customer: “No… I’m looking for a color that invokes the feeling of bittersweet.”

(I stand dumbfounded for a second.)

Me: “So… is that like an orange or something?”

A Slight Scratch In His Story

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I work in a large home improvement store. I am taking a call from a customer in our appliance section.)

Customer: “My toilet is scratched!”

Me: “I am sorry, sir. Did we install it for you?”

Customer: “No, a plumber did. But it was not scratched when he put it in!”

Me: “What do you mean it was not scratched when he put it in?”

Customer: “I cleaned it and then all these scratches showed up!”

Me: “Uhm, what did you clean it with?”

Customer: “Bleach!”

Me: “Well, a lot of brands say not to soak in bleach because it takes off the glaze that helps the bowl stay clean. How long did it soak for?”

Customer: “Overnight!”

Me: “Well, sir, bleach is highly corrosive, and-”

Customer: “I expect a full refund!”

Me: “Sir, if the damage is caused by the customer, we cannot refund.”

Customer: “Yes, you can! It was not scratched when I bought it!”

Me: “That’s the point.”

That Benefit Went Straight Down The Faucet

| Rio Rancho, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Money

(I work at a home improvement store. A customer has picked out a faucet.)

Me: “Great! We have that exact one in stock. While I set up this order, I will have someone go get it from the warehouse for you!”

Customer: “That’s perfect! What do I owe?”

Me: “$103.00. That can be cash, check, or card.”

Customer: *hands me a card*

Me: “Uhm. This is a EBT card.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know.”

Me: “Uhm, food stamps only work on food and necessities. Did you mean to give me a credit or debit?”

Customer: “No, just charge the card I gave you.”

Me: “Uhm, ma’am, I cannot do that. This is a state issued EBT card. It’s not meant to be used for household fixtures, just food and some basic supplies. My computer won’t even accept it if I did enter the information.”

Customer: “I want it charged to that card! That is why I gave you that card!”

Me: “I understand that; however, that is not how these cards work.”

Customer: “Well, why not?”

Me: “Because the state issues them for families who cannot afford food, water, formula, or other needs. But it has to be for a need that is basic to supporting life, not things like faucets or even clothes.”

Customer: “But I NEED a new faucet.”

Me: “Well, if you are renting, the owner of the property should be the own who replaces it. If you own your residence, I can ring this up with cash, check, or a bank issued card.”

Customer: “Just swipe the card I gave you!”

Me: “This is a state issued food stamp card. I cannot.”

Customer: “This is discrimination because you think I am poor!”

Me: “Ma’am, I do not judge based on how much money a customer happens to have. However, I can refuse forms of payment that either do not work, will not work, or are illegal to attempt to use.”

Customer: “Illegal? Now you don’t think I am American!”

Me: “What? I said forms of payment that are illegal to use.”

Customer: “You are calling me an illegal!”

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot help you. Nor can I sell you this with the payment you offered me. You can either give me a legal, bank issued form of payment or not buy from this store.”

Customer: “How dare you!” *flounces out*

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