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    Taking Good Account Of The Plumbing

    | Barrhaven, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Home Improvement

    (I am working in the plumbing department of a big home improvement store. A customer comes to me on a busy weekend afternoon and asks about how to replace a toilet. I go through the steps. As I do so, he regularly interrupts to challenge what I’m saying.)

    Me: “You have to set the toilet down straight to ensure a good seal. Hold it by the sides here and stand like this.”

    Customer: “No, that’s not right.”

    Me: “Yes, it is, because if you set it down on an angle the wax seal is squished and can’t bounce back.”

    Customer: “Hmm.”

    (And so on. This goes on for some time until finally he challenges what I say and instead of explaining, I ask how he plans on doing this.)

    Customer: “Oh, I’m not doing anything. I’m an accountant; I don’t know anything about plumbing. I’m having someone else do it but I want to be able to challenge them and look like I know what I’m talking about.”

    This Transaction Went Straight Down The Toilet

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer came into our store with a toilet that he had installed himself, and he wanted to return it. This toilet had been used and was disgusting. He had no receipt, and we couldn’t find the purchase on any of his credit cards.)

    Customer: “I want you to return this NOW!”

    Manager: “Sir, we can’t return a high price item without a receipt or the card used.”

    Customer: “If you don’t return this one, I’m just going to take one off of the shelf!”

    Manager: “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

    (The customer proceeded to pick up the filthy toilet and throw it. It broke, and our associates ended up having to clean it up.)

    Coming In For War Paint

    | Bethesda, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (I’m a manager at a popular home supply store in the paint supplies department. I’m filling orders for paint, because the work is getting so backed up, when a clearly angry customer approaches the desk. One of the employees talks to the lady for a while before she starts screaming for a manager. The employee points in my direction and waves at me to come over. I drop what I’m doing and walk over.)

    Customer: “HELLOOOOOO!”

    Me: “Hello there! How can I help you?”

    (She lifts a nearly empty can and slams it on the counter.)

    Customer: “You dip-s***s sold me the wrong color! My living room is RUINED!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I understand you are frustrated, but please refrain from using coarse language. What color were you trying to get?”

    Customer: “A DIFFERENT ONE! YOU gave me a MUCH darker color than what’s on this swatch!”

    Me: “Here, let me see what you have.”

    (The customer hands me a paint swatch with a honey-color circled in marker. I look at the paint and it matches exactly.)

    Me: “Is this the color that’s on your walls now?”

    Customer: “YES! How many times do I have to say it?! It’s hideous and YOUR fault!”

    Me: “By chance, did you try a sample of the paint first? To see what it looked like with the normal lighting in your room? The samples are quite inexpensive and allow you to try out a few different colors to make sure you like something before—”

    Customer: “WHY would I spend money on a SAMPLE?! SAMPLES are FREE!”

    Me: *glazing over* “This is paint we’re talking about. We give you enough to cover a small area. It’s not like the sample has noth—”

    Customer: “You need to fix this mess you made NOW!! You ruined my living room! Now you’re going to fix it!”

    Me: “We are not responsible for you not liking the paint you picked out. I CAN mix up some samples for you to take ho—”

    Customer: “And YOU need to come to my house to paint my living room!”

    Me: “That’s not going to happen.”

    Customer: “And you’re going to do it for free to make up for the distress you’ve caused.”

    Me: “That is DEFINITELY not going to happen.”

    Customer: “And you’re going to refund me the price of the paint!”

    Me: “That is also not happening.”

    Customer: “AND I want a gift certificate to show me how sorry you are for the headache you’ve caused!”

    Me: “In that case, that will definitely never happen.”

    Customer: “Then give me my next room’s worth of paint for free!”

    Me: “Absolutely not.”

    Customer: *shrugs* “Oh well, it was worth a try.”

    (She then turned around and left without her empty paint cans.)

    More Sour Than Sweet

    | Eugene, OR, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you carry sweet and sour sauce?”

    Me: “I don’t think I have any left. Let’s go check the food section.”

    (I check.)

    Me: “No ,we don’t have any in.”

    Customer: “Oh, this is actually a Christmas gift for her.” *points to someone who is in ear shot* “You have just ruined it for her!”

    (I immediately have a bitchy inner monologue with myself, saying ‘I’m not a f****** mind reader; don’t take someone you are Christmas shopping for with you when you go!)

    Customer: “Where can I go to get this sauce?”

    Me: “The grocery store…” *walks away*

    A Slight Blip On The Double-Dip

    , | Baltimore ,MD, USA | Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer comes into the store and orders a large amount of building supplies to build a shed. She is helped and checked out by me. Her brother comes for the items a few hours later, and I load them up. She calls back the next day.)

    Customer: “Hello. I’m coming to pick up my order today, and just want to make sure it’s ready.”

    Me: “Not a problem, ma’am. What is the name and phone number attached to the order? ”

    Customer: “It’s [Name] and [phone number].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it appears your order was already picked up by your brother.”

    Customer: “What? My brother? I don’t have a brother. Someone stole my merchandise!”

    (When she placed her order with me, she told me her brother’s name and that he would be picking it up. This was listed on her order at the time of purchase by me.)

    Me: “Hmm. No brother?”

    Customer: “Let me speak to your manager! I’m an only child!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not going to do that for you.”

    Customer: “What…?”

    Me: “See, when I first answered the phone I stated my name. When running this double dip scam in the future, please note the name of the person you’re dealing with. I not only helped you with the purchase and rang you up. I also loaded your brother’s truck with the merchandise. [Brother’s Name]. I also checked his id, first and last name. I hope this is all clear as I would hate to repeat myself and waste any more of my time.”

    Customer: “I… what is your name?!”

    Me: “We here at [Store] thank you for your business and your continued support. Please do not hesitate to shop again with us. And can you do me a favor?”

    Customer: “…what?”

    Me: “Have a lovely day.”

    (Her brother returned the next day to return the merchandise. He was denied.)

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