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  • A Slight Blip On The Double-Dip

    , | Baltimore ,MD, USA | Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer comes into the store and orders a large amount of building supplies to build a shed. She is helped and checked out by me. Her brother comes for the items a few hours later, and I load them up. She calls back the next day.)

    Customer: “Hello. I’m coming to pick up my order today, and just want to make sure it’s ready.”

    Me: “Not a problem, ma’am. What is the name and phone number attached to the order? ”

    Customer: “It’s [Name] and [phone number].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it appears your order was already picked up by your brother.”

    Customer: “What? My brother? I don’t have a brother. Someone stole my merchandise!”

    (When she placed her order with me, she told me her brother’s name and that he would be picking it up. This was listed on her order at the time of purchase by me.)

    Me: “Hmm. No brother?”

    Customer: “Let me speak to your manager! I’m an only child!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not going to do that for you.”

    Customer: “What…?”

    Me: “See, when I first answered the phone I stated my name. When running this double dip scam in the future, please note the name of the person you’re dealing with. I not only helped you with the purchase and rang you up. I also loaded your brother’s truck with the merchandise. [Brother’s Name]. I also checked his id, first and last name. I hope this is all clear as I would hate to repeat myself and waste any more of my time.”

    Customer: “I… what is your name?!”

    Me: “We here at [Store] thank you for your business and your continued support. Please do not hesitate to shop again with us. And can you do me a favor?”

    Customer: “…what?”

    Me: “Have a lovely day.”

    (Her brother returned the next day to return the merchandise. He was denied.)

    The Crystal Is Not Clear

    , | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (This takes place over the phone.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m considering buying a [Very High End Brand] crystal chandelier from you guys. I was wondering… is there a way to tell by looking at it what the brand is? Like, is there a signature etched into the crystal, or something written on the metal part?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry; I haven’t seen anything like that.”

    Customer: “But if I spend all this money on the best crystal, how are my guests supposed to tell? I’d want everyone to know!”

    Me: “Well, each chandelier comes with a certificate of authenticity you could display, or a [Brand] tag you could hang on it if you wanted.”

    Customer: *sarcastically* “Oh, that wouldn’t be pretentious at all now, would it?” *hangs up*

    Afraid Of Them Dropping By

    , | Round Rock, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

    (I work at a popular national home improvement store, and started out as a temporary cashier. This was a particularly busy Sunday afternoon and, as usual, we were short-staffed for cashiers. A customer comes up to me and asks me to page a lot loader to help her load mulch. I do and the lot loader calls me on the register phone and tells me that he’ll help the customer when he’s done loading another customer. Later, the customer comes back with her mulch inside a large wheelbarrow as well as other items inside of it.)

    Me: “Got everything you need?”

    Customer: “Yes, but I’m not happy. The loader never showed up to help me. I had to use this because there’s no flat carts left!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, there are carts under the annuals and perennials tables—”

    Customer: “There weren’t any when I needed them!”

    Me: “Well, I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am. I’ll call the lot loader again and get him to help load the wheelbarrow and the rest of your purchase.”

    Customer: *annoyed* “Didn’t you hear me? There weren’t any flat carts left. I don’t want this. I’m not paying for it.”

    Me: “All right, then. I’ll grab a flat cart and I’ll just put your items on there and—”

    Customer: “Why? It’s already in here. Just ring me up.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you’re not going to buy the wheelbarrow, you can’t take it out of the store. That’s why I offered to get a flat cart to—”

    Customer: *throws her hands up* “Just ring me up! I’ll bring the d*** wheelbarrow back.”

    (The customer continues to ramble as I ring her up. I call an associate, but tells me he’s busy with another customer. I explained my concern over the fact that the customer could steal a $200 wheelbarrow. Since the customer was urgent to leave and another cashier had come to relieve me for a break. I told the customer I would load her purchase for her. She led me to her mini-van and opened the back door. She had bought an iron rod used for hanging plants which sat on top of the pile of mulch. I placed it at the far side of the wheelbarrow so that I could load her mulch. Just as I load the first bag—with my back to the wheelbarrow—I hear a loud clang.)

    Customer: “Ow!” *holds her right ankle*

    Me: “Are you okay? What happened?”

    Customer: “The iron rod fell on me. I’m sorry. I have a low tolerance for pain. That really hurt.” *heavy tears begin to well up in her eyes*

    (I pick up the iron rod and scratch my head, perplexed at how it could’ve fallen when I put it out of the way. At this point, my coworker comes and finishes loading the customer’s purchase and lets her fill out an incident report. I continue working, but the assistant manager calls me into his office. Note: this manager is the asset protection manager.)

    Manager: “Hey, do you mind filling out the incident form?”

    Me: “Sure. Is the customer okay? She was crying pretty bad.”

    Manager: “She has a small bruise on her ankle, but she’s claiming that you dropped it on her.”

    Me: *staring, stunned* “Are you serious? After going to the whole trouble of helping her load her purchase? I didn’t want her to steal that wheelbarrow!”

    Manager: “Oh, I know. I checked the cameras that survey the parking lot. She dropped it on herself.”

    Me: “…seriously?”

    Manager: “Hey, you have no idea how far some people will go.”

    (Now that customer goes out of her way to let me ring her up. I’ve since been promoted to a higher ranking position, but I steer clear of her to make sure she can’t drop anything else on herself and blame me again.)

    Deaf To Reason, Part 4

    | Mississauga, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior

    (I am a cashier at a home improvement retail store, and an old lady comes up to my till holding a few cleaning supplies.)

    Me: Hi! How are you today?”

    Customer: *no answer*

    Me: “How are you today?”

    Customer: *no answer*

    Me: “Okay, your total comes to $17.36. Will that be on your store credit card?”

    Customer: *no answer, inserts card into reader and enters pin*

    Me: *hands her her receipt* “Thanks a lot! Have a good day!”

    Customer: “D*** kids! You could have at least said something. Isn’t it your job to make conversation with the customer? So rude!”

    Me: “I did. I asked you how you were doing, I asked if your purchase will be on our credit card, and I hoped you have a good day.”

    Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that? I’m as deaf as anything!”

    Me: *getting annoyed because of the lineup forming behind her* “You just heard what I said, ma’am. Have a good day.”

    Customer: “Well, I never! I’m going to get your rude a** fired!”

    Me: All right. You have a nice day, too.

    (The next customer walks up.)

    Next Customer: “Hi. I was wondering if you could charge me for a pack of toilet paper? That lady spread BS all over here.”

    Related:
    Deaf To Reason, Part 3
    Deaf To Reason, Part 2
    Deaf To Reason

    Stupidity Can Accumulate

    , | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I am working as a cashier. A customer comes up with a large order, which I ring up.)

    Me: “All right, sir, your total comes to $2000.”

    (The customer swipes his card and enters his account information and pin. It’s declined.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, your card was declined.”

    Customer: “No, it wasn’t! I have lots of money in this account! Try it again!”

    (I try it again. Again it’s declined.)

    Me: “Did you mean to hit chequing? If you meant to use your savings account, that could be why it’s declined.”

    Customer: “No, I only use my chequing account!”

    Me: “Well, do you have a daily limit? Some banks have that set up, so you can only spend a certain amount each day.”

    Customer: “Yes, I have a $500 daily limit.”

    Me: “This transaction is for $2000, sir. That’s a lot more than $500.”

    Customer: “But I haven’t used this card in three days!”

    Me: “It’s a DAILY limit. It resets every day.”

    (I didn’t feel like explaining that, even if it was cumulative, that still wouldn’t have equaled $2000.)

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