Customer: “Why don’t you have any more??”

Me: “…because everyone else bought them all.”

Customer: “BUT WHY??!”

Me: “I don’t know…maybe for the same reason you want to buy them?”

Customer: “And what reason is that?!”

Me: “Okay, and if you could just sign the top line of this receipt copy for the return, you’ll be all set.”

Customer: “Wait, this isn’t my correct address. This address printed on this receipt is not mine.”

Me: “Yes ma’am, I realize that. However, our cash registers make us enter address and telephone information whenever anyone does a return or exchange. It’s for fraud prevention, etc. However, whenever I request a customer’s address, they panic, clutch their purse to their chest and hiss, ‘Why would you need to know that?’ Or they shout, ‘I’m not getting on any more god damn mailing lists!’ or they are conspiracy theorists who are convinced that I’m an agent of the government monitoring their spending habits through my DOS-based cash register. Or they think I want to come and hang out with them after I get off work. And it really doesn’t matter how many times I try to explain that it’s a fraud prevention requirement and that I’m neither immediately passing it on to Big Brother nor to my drug dealer named Tito. So I make up addresses because I don’t particularly want to have these conversations anymore.”

Customer, after a long pause: “Yes, that’s a very good plan you’ve come up with.” *scampers away from me*

Related:
Why Asking Why Is A Bad Idea

Customer: “Hi, I have my car down the loading dock and I’m parked where it says to park, but there’s no button to call your store or anything down there.”

Me: “No, there’s not because the elevator is shared with 3 levels of stores; we don’t own it, the mall does. So you have to call us when you’re there.”

Customer: “How do I call? There’s no button.”

Me: “With your cellphone…”

Customer: “Oh pfft, I never bring a cellphone with me.”

Me: “But didn’t you just call? How did you call earlier?”

Customer: “With a cellphone!” *looking at me like I’m stupid*

Lady: “Okay, I’m all set.”

Me: *rings the draperies she wants up* “Okay, your total is $768.xx cents.”

Lady: “What?! Aren’t they on sale??”

Me: “No, only the pleated draperies are on sale.”

Lady: “What’s the difference? Why aren’t these ones on sale too?!

Lady’s husband: “What’s going on?”

Lady, now talking to her husband: “These panels aren’t on sale!!!”

Husband: “Oh…well how much does it come up to?”

Lady: “They come out to like $800 bucks.”

Husband: “Well…what do you wanna do?”

Lady: *sigh* “There are signs EVERYWHERE saying that these are on sale.”

Me: “No, there are signs everywhere saying that the PLEATED draperies are on sale.”

Lady: “But that entire room has signs! They all say they’re 20% off.”

Me: “Well I’m sorry to say, but all the signs in that room all say, ‘SALE: All Pleated Draperies 20% Off’. Want me to show you?”

Lady: “No it’s fine…whatever.”

*I finish ringing up the transaction*

Lady, while signing her receipt: “Ugh, it’s just misleading you know? There are literally a hundred signs in that room that say that the draperies are on sale.”

Me: “Well I’m sorry, but they do specify what kind of draperies are on sale.”

Lady: “Well I don’t buy draperies every day, so I don’t pay attention to stupid details like that!!!!”

Me: “Okay, well… I hope they work out for you, have a happy holiday.”