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    You Can’t Combat Stupidity

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, School

    (I teach a martial art sport. A girl starts in August, completes the beginner test, and graduates up into the competitive group. I advise her and her mother in writing and verbally that the girl must upgrade her national association membership from a learning one to a competitive one in order to continue her training and compete. A few months later, the girl is entering her first official tournament.)

    Tournament Manager: “I see that your daughter has a learning membership, not a competitive one. She will need to upgrade her membership before she can compete. I can offer you the use of my computer to do so.”

    (While the manager sets up the computer, I walk up to the desk and ask what’s going on. The manager tells me. The mother looks from him to me saying, with a perfectly straight face:)

    Mother: “I wasn’t told that I had to do that.”

    (I am sure my face twitches a bit when I bite my tongue. I keep quiet and maintain eye contact. The mother squirms a moment then adds:)

    Mother: “I mean, you told me to do it, but, you know, you didn’t really tell me to do it.”

    Doesn’t Enjoy Bird Watching But Quite Likes The Woods

    | Massachusetts, USA | Extra Stupid, School

    (I am sitting quietly in Current Affairs when I get a tap on the back from behind from a student.)

    Student: “Hey. Is Dick Cheney the funny man on TV?”

    Me: “No, he was the Vice President during the Bush Administration.”

    Student: *blank look*

    Me: “You know, he was the one who shot his friend in the face while quail hunting?”

    Student: “Oh my God, he what! Wait, what’s a quail?”

    Me: “It’s a type of bird.”

    Student: “Why on earth would anyone kill a bird?”

    Me: “To eat?”

    Student: “That’s disgusting!”

    Me: “Where do you think chicken’s come from!?”

    Student: “Oh… right. I swear I’m not dumb! I know who Tiger Woods is!”