Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 4

| Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I’ve just finished ringing out the customer’s items. He hands me a gift card for another store. It’s the same color as our rewards card, so I think he just isn’t paying attention and has them confused.)

Me: “Sir, this is a [store] gift card. We can’t take this.”

Customer: “No, you can. Take the gift card.”

Me: “No, I can’t. This is for [other store]. You’re at [hardware store] right now.”

Customer: “No, take the gift card. I want to pay with that.”

(This goes on for a few more minutes, with the customer insisting I take the gift card for the other store. I even run the card through the scanner just in case.)

Customer: “Wait, that is a [store] gift card, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And I’m at [hardware store], aren’t I?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh.” *takes gift card* “So, what do I owe you?”

Me: “$30.00.”

(He hands me a $20 and stares expectantly.)

Me: “And then it’s still $10, sir.”

Customer: “You’ve got the $20.”

Me: “Right, and $30 minus $20 is still $10.”

Customer: “But you’re holding the $20.”

Me: “Yes, but your total is more than $20.”

Customer: “I gave you a $20.”

(This goes on for a few more minutes, too. Finally…)

Customer: “Wait, did you say it’s $30?”

Related:
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

A Screw (Or Two) Loose

| Chester, UK |

(A customer calls our shop phone. Usually the customers just call to check stock.)

Me: “Hello, [store], how can I help you today?”

Customer: “You owe me two screws!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I’ve just been in your shop and bought a box of screws. When I got home, there were two missing!”

Me: “Sir, are you telling me you have opened and counted out an entire box of screws?”

Customer: “Of course I did! There two missing! So, get somebody out to me now with the two screws that you owe me!”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we can’t do that. Even if we could, we wouldn’t, because if you look on the side of the box it clearly states “Approximately 200 Screws”.”

Customer: *hangs up*

Some Barters Will Get You Busted

| Chicago, IL, USA | Criminal/Illegal

(A middle-aged man walks up to my register with some odds and ends.)

Me: “Hello, did you find everything okay today?”

Customer: “Well, eventually. I had some help. All the guys on the floor are really helpful.”

Me: “That’s good to hear.”

(I continue ringing out the man’s purchases in silence for a few seconds.)

Customer: “Yeah, I’m not real good with all that fix-it stuff…but if you ever need a good batch of cocaine, I can whip that up real fast!”

Meanwhile In Oklahoma

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Canada

(I ring up a customer, who pays with debit. Shortly after I give him the debit machine to go through the prompts.)

Customer: “Oh, it seems to have cancelled the transaction.”

Me: “No problem. We’ll just start over.”

(I swipe his card again and hand him the machine.)

Customer: “See, here’s where I went wrong.”

(He shows me the screen. It says ‘Purchase: 8.50$ OK?’ Underneath, the left button is indicated as ‘OK’, and the right as ‘CAN’ for ‘cancel’.)

Me: “So, did you press OK to approve the transaction?”

Customer: “I thought CAN meant Canada!”

Why Woodn’t I Think Of That

| New Jersey, USA | Extra Stupid

Customer: “I just want a 2x4x20, please.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t stock 2x4x20’s, but I can sell you a couple 10 foot pieces. That still covers the footage if you can make that work.”

Customer: *completely serious* “Ah! No, kid, it doesn’t work like that! What I will do, though, is take two 10 foot pieces.”

Me: “Brilliant idea, sir.”

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