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    Needs To Get Put In Her Place

    | PA, USA | Spouses & Partners, Top

    (I work at a hardware store in the lawn and garden area. On request, I go to help an aging couple out with some decorative rocks)

    Husband: “Thank you very much!”

    Wife: “Don’t thank him! That’s what they’re here for.”

    Me: *smiles awkwardly* “How many bags do you need?”

    Wife: “Eight.”

    Me: “Alright, let me get that for you.”

    (I begin loading the cart with the bags; each weighs around 60lbs.)

    Wife: *to her husband* “See? This is why you go to [store name]. They have people who know their place.”

    Me: *finishes loading* “Anything else?”

    Wife: “Yes, take it out to the cashier and then load it into the car.”

    Me: *takes the cart out*

    Wife: *to her husband* “See? Well behaved and responds to direct commands, like they should!”

    Me: *finishes loading their car after check out*

    (The husband looks around shiftily after his wife enters the car, and surprisingly tries to force money into my hand.)

    Husband: “I’m so sorry!”

    Hair-Brained Advice From The Hairless

    | Saratoga Springs, NY, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I am a cashier with naturally long dark brown hair. Currently, I dyed it black for a little bit of a change. I am approached by a bald, older man.)

    Me: “Hi sir, did you find everything okay tonight?”

    Customer: “Is that your natural hair color?”

    Me: “This? No, not really—”

    Customer: “DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!”

    (I laugh, thinking that he’s joking.)

    Customer: “It’s not funny! You’re not very smart! You don’t want to get cancer, do you?! It spreads to your boobs and ovaries!”

    Me: “…No, I didn’t.”

    Customer: “You can’t be THAT stupid. You don’t even look attractive like that with your complexion. You look like Dracula’s daughter. And look at those ends on your hair! You need to buy mayonnaise and soak your hair in it!”

    Me: *ignoring him* “Your total is [amount].”

    Customer: “I’ll come back to see if you listened!” *pays for his items and leaves*

    Painting Yourself Into A Corner

    | New York, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m working on returns when a customer comes in with a can of paint from our store. An off-duty cop in his uniform just happens to walk in behind her, but she doesn’t notice.)

    Customer: “This paint is crap! I don’t have a receipt, and I didn’t pay with a card, so a merchandise credit will be fine.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, this paint was never tinted, and it clearly says here ‘Must Be Tinted’. Also, our cashiers cannot check out anyone with paint unless they have a valid tint code, or the paint does not need to be tinted.”

    Customer: “Are you accusing me of stealing?!”

    Cop: *still standing behind her* “He gives a valid case.”

    (She whips around, and turns the whitest color I have ever seen. After confirming with the manager, the cop has her arrested for petty theft; double-checking on the cameras throughout the day confirmed she did indeed steal the paint.)

    D-Eye-Y

    | New Zealand | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am currently going through medical school and working at a nearby hardware store part-time to help pay the bills. As part of study, students have been given internships at various local hospitals. Note: New Zealanders pride themselves on their DIY skills.)

    Customer: “Hey mate, I need some stuff to build a deck. Can ya help me find it?”

    Me: “Certainly, what were you after?”

    (As per our instruction, after recommending the tools and materials the customer would need, I am required to point out various safety gear as well. All has been going great so far…)

    Me: “May I also recommend that you grab some safety glasses? They could save you a lot of trouble if things happen to go wrong.”

    Customer: *suddenly hostile* “Look, mate, I don’t need any of this s***! I know how it needs to be done. Any real man does! If you were a real man, you’d know too. I ain’t paying for any s*** I don’t need!”

    (He eventually leaves, but not before complaining to customer service about me. Three days later while working at the hospital as a medical student, I take the same customer’s history. The reason: he had a splinter lodged in the side of his eye. I wish I was making this up!)

    Minimum Wage Vs. Maximum Rage

    | USA | At The Checkout

    (This takes place at a national retailer who takes pride in its lifetime warranty on hand tools.  One customer came in trying to take up the store on that offer.)

    Customer: “I’d like to exchange these tools.”

    Employee: “Unfortunately, these are planing tools and we no longer carry these in this store.”

    Customer: “These are hand tools, and you have a lifetime guarantee on these. They’re broken, so I want new ones.”

    Employee: “I understand, and you’re absolutely correct, but we can’t give you replacement tools because we don’t carry them here. However, we can give you an address, and if you send the tools there, they will ship you back some replacements.”

    Customer: “Well, I need these tools now! You have a warranty, and I want to fulfill that agreement!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry. I’d like to help you, but it’s just not possible for us to replace your tools at this location.”

    Customer: “I bet you’re sorry. Yeah, I bet you just work here, don’t you? You just work here, so it’s not your fault, is it?!”

    Employee: “Yes, I do work here. Again, I’m sorry we can’t replace your tools, but we don’t have them in stock.”

    Customer: “Yeah, you just ‘work here’. You probably just work here for minimum wage. You’re probably just coming in, getting your $7 an hour and checking out. I’m not going to be coming back again. You can just work for your $7 an hour and not care about your customers!” *begins storming out*

    Employee: “Actually, it’s $6.50, sir!”

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