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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Some Barters Will Get You Busted

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (A middle-aged man walks up to my register with some odds and ends.)

    Me: “Hello, did you find everything okay today?”

    Customer: “Well, eventually. I had some help. All the guys on the floor are really helpful.”

    Me: “That’s good to hear.”

    (I continue ringing out the man’s purchases in silence for a few seconds.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m not real good with all that fix-it stuff…but if you ever need a good batch of cocaine, I can whip that up real fast!”

    Meanwhile In Oklahoma

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Canada

    (I ring up a customer, who pays with debit. Shortly after I give him the debit machine to go through the prompts.)

    Customer: “Oh, it seems to have cancelled the transaction.”

    Me: “No problem. We’ll just start over.”

    (I swipe his card again and hand him the machine.)

    Customer: “See, here’s where I went wrong.”

    (He shows me the screen. It says ‘Purchase: 8.50$ OK?’ Underneath, the left button is indicated as ‘OK’, and the right as ‘CAN’ for ‘cancel’.)

    Me: “So, did you press OK to approve the transaction?”

    Customer: “I thought CAN meant Canada!”

    Why Woodn’t I Think Of That

    | New Jersey, USA | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “I just want a 2x4x20, please.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t stock 2x4x20′s, but I can sell you a couple 10 foot pieces. That still covers the footage if you can make that work.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “Ah! No, kid, it doesn’t work like that! What I will do, though, is take two 10 foot pieces.”

    Me: “Brilliant idea, sir.”

    The Orange Is Oranger On The Other Side

    , | Brisbane, Queensland, Australia |

    (I’m serving a customer when I notice a lady has been staring at the oranges for a long time, looking up, then looking down, and looking puzzled. The display has a slanted mirror above the oranges to make it look like we have twice as many.)

    Me: “Excuse me, miss. Is there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if I could have some of those oranges.”

    (She points to the mirror.)

    Me: “Oh…um…”

    Customer: “Is that okay? It’s just that those oranges look so much more orange than these ones!”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5

    | TN, USA |

    Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *extremely inebriated* “I just noticed a bump on my privates.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “I need to come over and have you take a look at it.”

    Me: “Sir, I think you want a doctor. This is a hardware store.”

    Caller: *long pause* “You’re not my mom?”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number


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