I work at a hardware and home improvement chain. I was walking past our fake holiday tree collection when a lady in a [Pricey Outdoor Clothing Brand] vest asked me for help.

Customer: “Can you help me pick out a tree?”

Me: “Of course! To start, how tall are your ceilings?”

I needed to ask a few basic questions to get started. We had plenty in stock with more options online, but I was more than happy to show her our selection.

Customer: “No, I just need you to pick one out for me.”

That was odd — most people don’t ask an employee to pick out something that requires the customer’s taste — so I asked a few more questions.

Me: “Well, ma’am, I can’t pick out a tree for you because I don’t know what you like, but maybe we can start with a budget and whether or not you want a tree with lights already on it.”

Customer: “I don’t have a budget and I really don’t care.”

She wasn’t getting belligerent or anything; she just seemed confused. I decided to walk her over to our displays and point out how many different options we had, including frosted tips or ones that came with small decorations like fake pinecones and cranberries. And I especially pointed out the difference between the seven-and-a-half-foot and nine-foot options.

Customer: “Hm, I like the nine-foot. Show me the plain one with the lights.”

Me: “Sure thing! And it looks like this one will be just about $600.”

Customer: “Whoa! Why so much?”

Me: “Well, it’s nine feet tall with lights, and fake trees will last you years.”

Customer: “Really, can’t you just pick one out for me? This is all too much!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I really can’t. Would you like to keep looking?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ll just do it myself. Thanks.”

She continued to look and then called someone to talk about the trees some more.

And as happy as I am to help someone come to a decision, I will never pick out something for the customer. That can result in disaster.

We’re a hardware store chain, and we have always been pet friendly. These days, we’re known for it, and we keep doggie treats at the registers for our furry friends.

But back in the day, before it was well known, we’d have people come up to the door with a dog, usually on a leash, and politely ask if it was okay to bring Fido in. My response always brought a smile.

Me: “Sure. We let people bring kids in, and pets are almost always better behaved. I’ve never had to stop a dog from drinking drain cleaner off the bottom shelf.”

I work in a hardware store that has two locations on either end of the city. Because of this, people seem to think we’re a large chain, but I believe it’s just those two locations.

Customer: “You, girl, where is the wallpaper?”

Me: “I’m twenty-four.”

Customer: “Aisle twenty-four?”

Me: “No. Me. I am twenty-four.”

Customer: “Why should I care?”

Me: “You called me ‘girl’. I am a woman. Also, it’s rude to just call someone ‘girl’. You could say, ‘Excuse me, miss,’ or use the name on my nametag.”

Customer: “It’s not my job to excuse you! It’s yours to excuse me!”

Me: “You are excused.”

Customer: “You can’t talk to me that way!”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “Because I’m the customer!”

Me: “And?”

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘and’?! You must talk to me with respect!”

Me: “I give out as much respect as I receive.”

Customer: “I’m going to talk to your manager about this!”

Me: “If you feel you need to. [Manager]!”

Customer: “I’m going to make them question why they keep you employed!”

Me: “Considering I’ve been here the longest, I’m the only clerk who works full-time, and I’m who they use to train other clerks, I think I’m safe.”

My manager comes over a few moments later.

Customer: “Your employee here was being rude to me!”

Manager: *Not skipping a beat* “Were you being rude first?”

Customer: “I… uh… That’s not the point!”

Manager: “[My Name] here is only rude if the customer is rude first.”

Customer: “The customer is allowed to be rude! The employee must—”

Manager: “—must sit there and just take it? Nah, not in this store.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand that this isn’t acceptable!”

Manager: “What isn’t acceptable is you treating retail workers like s*** because you think it’s your right as a customer to get away with such behavior. Maybe that flies in other stores, but not here. If you need help, ask nicely. If not, get out.”

Customer: “I’m going to call your corporate line!”

Manager: “Be my guest. Tell them my name is [Manager]!”

The customer storms off, and my manager is left smiling at me.

Me: “We don’t have a corporate line, just the customer service line.”

Manager: “Yup.”

Me: “That’s managed by your wife.”

Manager: “Yup.”

Me: “So, that customer is going to call your wife… to complain about her husband.”

Manager: “Well, she puts so much energy into complaining about me herself, I figured she’d appreciate someone else doing it for a change.”

The customer did call to complain. [Manager]’s wife did take the call. Her solution to the caller when they complained was, “Well, next time, try not being a c***.”

Gotta love small owner-managed businesses!

Related:
When Entitlement Has Gone Up To Eleven

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A client was referred to me to have her hardware product repackaged. Somebody was assembling these things in his garage, and frankly, they didn’t look very professionally made. 

Me: “Okay, I’ll quote 100 hours at [rate] to redo this from the ground up. It’ll be in a more attractive, more durable case, and most importantly, you’ll be able to get it manufactured in bulk quantities instead of the way you’re doing it now.”

Client: “That sounds fine, but I can’t afford your quote.”

Me: “I understand. It’s tough to scale up a small business. So, I’ll tell you what: if you let me build the first 500 units, I’ll build an extra margin into the manufacturing quote to recover my design and engineering expenses. You won’t be out any money upfront, and I’ll recover my fee as your customers pay you.”

Client: “Okay, sounds great!”

Six months or so later, I’ve built about 100 units and momentum is building. I’m hopeful that [Client] might be able to sell the additional 400 I need to break even within the next six months.

Client: “We’ve looked at the numbers, and we’ve decided that your price is too high for these. We can get them made by [Designer] for [just about exactly my fee margin less].”

Me: “Yes, our agreement was that they would be more expensive so that I could recover my design fee.”

Client: “Yeah, but we can get them made cheaper since you did the redesign. So that’s what we’re going to do.”

I am working in the paint department telling a customer about the differences between types of paint.

Me: “And this one has zero VOCs—”

Customer: “Oh! So many people are offended by scents these days. They should just get over themselves!”

I actually lost my customer service smile with this customer.

Me: “People aren’t offended. A lot of people are sensitive or actually allergic to scents. My sister has passed out from people wearing too much cologne before.”

She just kind of looks at me and I put the smile back on and try to sell her paint again. I can’t remember whether she bought anything or not now.