Sweet Sixteen Is A Bitter Surprise

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(When I was sixteen, I was the only girl working at this particular hardware store. While I was scanning another customer’s purchases, and old man slides behind me at the register and whispers in my ear.)

Customer: “I didn’t find what I wanted, but that’s okay.”

(I jerk away from him, because he was quite close.)

Me: “Oh… I’m sorry, sir.”

Customer: *takes my left hand and caresses my ring finger* “Tsk, tsk. Boys don’t know anything these days. A girl like you should already be snapped up.”

Me: “I’m 16.”

Customer: *drops my hand abruptly* “Have a nice day.”

A Cash Flow Returns To The Source

| Lenoir City, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Money

(I’m working the customer service desk and have a problem with a customer who keeps calling, in spite of being told the answer to his question several times. Frustrated, when he calls again I ask my coworker to answer. She puts him on speaker.)

Coworker: “Customer service. How may I help you?”

Caller: *slurring his words* “I need to return my fridge!”

Coworker: “Okay.”

Caller: “Yeah, and I paid $400 for it, and I found a used one for $200. I want my money back!”

Coworker: “Okay. Do you have your receipt?”

Caller: “No, but I have my credit card.”

Coworker: “Okay. We can put it back on that.”

Caller: “No! I want that in cash!”

Coworker: “Sir, that’s impossible. You paid for it with a credit card, so you get the money back on your credit card.”

Caller: “But I paid it off with CASH!”

Coworker: “Even so. The money has to go back on the card.”

Caller: “Well, f*** it, b****!”

Coworker: “I’d rather not. I don’t think you’re my type.”

(The caller swears again and hangs up.)

Coworker: *to me* “See? With idiots, you have to be clever. It confuses them.”

Killing Two Types Of Bigot With One Stone

| MO, USA | Bigotry

(I recently got married. Due to the nature of my job, I opted for a simple wedding band instead of one with a stone that could easily get caught on things while I am working.)

Customer: “Are you a lesbian?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You have a man’s ring.”

Me: “Oh, no. My husband and I got matching bands. I didn’t want a stone because it could get in the way at work.”

Customer: “Husband? So you’re not a lesbian?”

Me: “No, I am not. Like I said, a simple band seemed more practical to me.”

Customer: “Well, you should get a girl’s ring! How do you expect people to know you’re not a lesbian with THAT on your finger?”

Foiled His Plans

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Math & Science

Customer: “I need some paint for my trailer.”

Me: “Okay. What material is it made from? I’m assuming metal?”

Customer: “No. It’s aluminum.”

Me: “Aluminum is a kind of metal, sir.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! Aluminum doesn’t come from underground!”

For You, We’re Always Closed, Part 3

| Foley, AL, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Customer service. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Is this [Hardware Store]?”

(I’m slightly confused, as to call the store you have to go through a menu and press certain numbers to actually get customer service, so it should be very clear that we are [Hardware Store].)

Me: “Yes, Ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, your automatic thingy didn’t say so!”

Me: “Oh, um… okay. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yes! I was really surprised to hear you’re closed on Thanksgiving!”

Me: “Yes, Ma’am. We’re very happy to spend the day with our families.”

Customer: “Your families? So you’re closed? What if MY family needs to buy something? Your family isn’t more important than mine! When you work in a store you should know you can’t have a family!”

Me: “Ma’am, what exactly would you have to buy from [Hardware Store] on Thanksgiving Day?”

Customer: “Well… well, I don’t know, but you should be open anyway! Just in case!”

Related:
For You, We’re Always Closed, Part 2
For You, We’re Always Closed

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