October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems, Part 2

| Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Uncategorized

(A customer is returning an electrical outlet with a remote control, and is complaining that the remote didn’t work.)

Customer: “I tried everything, made the right adjustments, but no matter what I do, the light that is supposed to blink on the remote does nothing.”

Me: “Let me have a look at this remote.”

Customer: “I’m also fairly certain that the outlets themselves are not working.”

(While he says that, I open up the remote control, and take out the battery.)

Me: “Have you tried unwrapping the plastic from the battery before inserting it?”

Customer: “You’re kidding, right? Even I wouldn’t be that stupid!”

(I unwrap the battery before him. His mouth falls open, and he makes a face palm.”

Customer: “No! This is not true!”

(I insert the unwrapped battery in the remote control, and try it. The light now blinks as it’s supposed too.)

Me: “It appears to be working now.”

Customer: “I think I’m going to try the outlets at home. Maybe they work now, too.”

The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems

Higher Than A Helicopter

| Massachusetts, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to make a copy of this key because the police need to use this one in an investigation.”

Me: “Ma’am, this key is broken clean in half. I don’t think I can copy this.”

Customer: “Well you see, the police are investigating into the helicopters and I need another key.”

Me: “The helicopters?”

Customer: “Yes, yes. They break into my car.” *picking up a flashlight from the checkout counter* “Oh! I wonder if this flashlight is helicopter proof.”

Me: “Uh…I don’t know to be honest.”

Customer: “Well. The helicopters always make things stop working suddenly.”

(She clicks the flashlight on and off until suddenly it no longer turns on.)

Customer: “Ah, there. Not helicopter proof. They’re in my veins, you know.”

It Also Adds Money This Way

| Michigan, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

Me: “Will this be credit or debit?”

Customer: “Credit.”

(I notice she has the card facing the wrong way.)

Me: “Alright, you just need to turn the card around.”

Customer: “Does that make it run as credit, then?”

Nails, Not Files

| Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “This is [hardware store], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, do you guys carry an Asus [followed by a long string of abbreviations and numbers] Sound Card?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: *repeats*

Me: “What is that used for?”

Caller: “So you can get sound from your speakers.”

Me: “Like on a computer?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Wrong kind of hardware, buddy.”

Factual Innuendos

| Waterloo, IA, USA | Top

(I’m working as a cashier at a hardware store. A customer comes to my line wearing a floor-length black trench coat, which he is clutching around himself rather suspiciously.)

Me: “Hello, sir, did you find everything alright today?”

Customer: “Would you like to see my bird?” *suggestively nods down toward his jacket*

Me: “Umm, excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, my bird…

(He opens one side of his trench coat, only to show that he indeed has a large green parrot hidden in his jacket.)

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “What, is green not your color? No worries!”

(The customer opens the other side of his trench coat and reveals another large parrot–this one red.)

Me: *still speechless*

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