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    The Orange Is Oranger On The Other Side

    , | Brisbane, Queensland, Australia | Uncategorized

    (I’m serving a customer when I notice a lady has been staring at the oranges for a long time, looking up, then looking down, and looking puzzled. The display has a slanted mirror above the oranges to make it look like we have twice as many.)

    Me: “Excuse me, miss. Is there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if I could have some of those oranges.”

    (She points to the mirror.)

    Me: “Oh…um…”

    Customer: “Is that okay? It’s just that those oranges look so much more orange than these ones!”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5

    | TN, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *extremely inebriated* “I just noticed a bump on my privates.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “I need to come over and have you take a look at it.”

    Me: “Sir, I think you want a doctor. This is a hardware store.”

    Caller: *long pause* “You’re not my mom?”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    The Grapes Or Wrath

    | United Kingdom | Uncategorized

    (Note: I work at a hardware store. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Do you sell grapes?”

    (I’m assuming they are some form of bolt or electrical fitting I had not heard of.)

    Me: “Um, what are they used for?”

    Customer: *looks at me like I’m an idiot* “Eating! Grapes!”

    Me: “Oh. No, this is a hardware shop.”

    Customer: *blank face* “But you used to sell fruit…”

    Me: “No, I’m pretty sure this shop has never sold any fruit.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (There’s a very long pause where he just stares at me.)

    Customer: “No grapes, then?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    No Need To Be Shirty

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Can I help you with something?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I have a guy painting a room in my house, but I told him I don’t like it.”

    Me: “If you’d like another color, I can help you pick a new one.”

    Customer: “That’d be great. I have to cover up this color. It’s the most horrible, disgusting color I’ve ever seen. It looks like…it looks like…”

    (The customer looks up at me, and points.)

    Customer: “It looks like your shirt.”

    (I am speechless.)

    Customer: “Yeah, ugly like your shirt. Oh, sorry! It’s a nice shirt, I guess.”

    The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems, Part 2

    | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Uncategorized

    (A customer is returning an electrical outlet with a remote control, and is complaining that the remote didn’t work.)

    Customer: “I tried everything, made the right adjustments, but no matter what I do, the light that is supposed to blink on the remote does nothing.”

    Me: “Let me have a look at this remote.”

    Customer: “I’m also fairly certain that the outlets themselves are not working.”

    (While he says that, I open up the remote control, and take out the battery.)

    Me: “Have you tried unwrapping the plastic from the battery before inserting it?”

    Customer: “You’re kidding, right? Even I wouldn’t be that stupid!”

    (I unwrap the battery before him. His mouth falls open, and he makes a face palm.”

    Customer: “No! This is not true!”

    (I insert the unwrapped battery in the remote control, and try it. The light now blinks as it’s supposed too.)

    Me: “It appears to be working now.”

    Customer: “I think I’m going to try the outlets at home. Maybe they work now, too.”

    Related:
    The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems

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