The Orange Is Oranger On The Other Side

, | Brisbane, Queensland, Australia |

(I’m serving a customer when I notice a lady has been staring at the oranges for a long time, looking up, then looking down, and looking puzzled. The display has a slanted mirror above the oranges to make it look like we have twice as many.)

Me: “Excuse me, miss. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if I could have some of those oranges.”

(She points to the mirror.)

Me: “Oh…um…”

Customer: “Is that okay? It’s just that those oranges look so much more orange than these ones!”

You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5

| TN, USA |

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *extremely inebriated* “I just noticed a bump on my privates.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “I need to come over and have you take a look at it.”

Me: “Sir, I think you want a doctor. This is a hardware store.”

Caller: *long pause* “You’re not my mom?”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

The Grapes Or Wrath

| United Kingdom |

(Note: I work at a hardware store. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Do you sell grapes?”

(I’m assuming they are some form of bolt or electrical fitting I had not heard of.)

Me: “Um, what are they used for?”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m an idiot* “Eating! Grapes!”

Me: “Oh. No, this is a hardware shop.”

Customer: *blank face* “But you used to sell fruit…”

Me: “No, I’m pretty sure this shop has never sold any fruit.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(There’s a very long pause where he just stares at me.)

Customer: “No grapes, then?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Oh.”

No Need To Be Shirty

| Montreal, QC, Canada |

Me: “Can I help you with something?”

Customer: “Yeah. I have a guy painting a room in my house, but I told him I don’t like it.”

Me: “If you’d like another color, I can help you pick a new one.”

Customer: “That’d be great. I have to cover up this color. It’s the most horrible, disgusting color I’ve ever seen. It looks like…it looks like…”

(The customer looks up at me, and points.)

Customer: “It looks like your shirt.”

(I am speechless.)

Customer: “Yeah, ugly like your shirt. Oh, sorry! It’s a nice shirt, I guess.”

The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems, Part 2

| Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(A customer is returning an electrical outlet with a remote control, and is complaining that the remote didn’t work.)

Customer: “I tried everything, made the right adjustments, but no matter what I do, the light that is supposed to blink on the remote does nothing.”

Me: “Let me have a look at this remote.”

Customer: “I’m also fairly certain that the outlets themselves are not working.”

(While he says that, I open up the remote control, and take out the battery.)

Me: “Have you tried unwrapping the plastic from the battery before inserting it?”

Customer: “You’re kidding, right? Even I wouldn’t be that stupid!”

(I unwrap the battery before him. His mouth falls open, and he makes a face palm.”

Customer: “No! This is not true!”

(I insert the unwrapped battery in the remote control, and try it. The light now blinks as it’s supposed too.)

Me: “It appears to be working now.”

Customer: “I think I’m going to try the outlets at home. Maybe they work now, too.”

Related:
The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems

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