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    Seems To Have Enough Baggage Already

    | MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I am in the middle of ringing up Customer #1, when the next person in line dumps her purchases on the counter. She then seems to notice the items I am scanning for Customer #].)

    Customer #2: “Those aren’t mine.”

    Me: “I know. I’ll be with you as soon as I’m done.”

    Customer #2: *looks annoyed*

    (Customer #1 only has a few items that are easily carried by hand, so I ask him whether he wants a bag or not. As soon as he leaves, I start to scan Customer #2′s items, and bag them for her as well. She has several small items.)

    Customer #2: *clearly offended* “Why didn’t you ask me if I wanted a bag?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer #2: *gestures towards the retreating back of Customer #1* “You asked HIM if HE wanted a bag! Why wouldn’t you ask me the same thing?”

    Me: “Um… I figured you might need one?”

    Customer #2: “You should have asked!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Would you like a bag?”

    Customer #2: “OF COURSE I want a bag!”

    Dislocated Their Brain

    | ON, Canada | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Geography

    (I’m the dumb customer in this one. My family and I are at a hardware store, and have discovered that they don’t have any more of the item we want. The salesperson is looking up if any other stores in the area have it.)

    Salesperson: “So [Location #1] has two, [Location #2] has six, and [Location #3] has sixteen.”

    Me: “What about [Location #4]?”

    Salesperson: “Um… that’s the location you’re in right now.”

    Mom: *to me* “Long day, honey?”

    Calling About Calling

    | Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (I work at a customer service desk. I answer the phone with my usual greeting. The customer on the other line starts screaming.)

    Customer: “WHY DID YOU CALL ME?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you called us… Was there anything I could help you with?”

    Customer: “WHY. DID. YOU. CALL. ME.”

    Me: “Did someone leave a message on your machine?”

    Customer: “Yes. It was you. Why did you call me?”

    Me: “Well, it wasn’t me personally. What did the message say?”

    Customer: “It said I had an order ready for pick up. Why did you call me?”

    Me: “It would appear you have an order… for pick up…”

    Sweet Sixteen Is A Bitter Surprise

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (When I was sixteen, I was the only girl working at this particular hardware store. While I was scanning another customer’s purchases, and old man slides behind me at the register and whispers in my ear.)

    Customer: “I didn’t find what I wanted, but that’s okay.”

    (I jerk away from him, because he was quite close.)

    Me: “Oh… I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: *takes my left hand and caresses my ring finger* “Tsk, tsk. Boys don’t know anything these days. A girl like you should already be snapped up.”

    Me: “I’m 16.”

    Customer: *drops my hand abruptly* “Have a nice day.”

    A Cash Flow Returns To The Source

    | Lenoir City, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Money

    (I’m working the customer service desk and have a problem with a customer who keeps calling, in spite of being told the answer to his question several times. Frustrated, when he calls again I ask my coworker to answer. She puts him on speaker.)

    Coworker: “Customer service. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *slurring his words* “I need to return my fridge!”

    Coworker: “Okay.”

    Caller: “Yeah, and I paid $400 for it, and I found a used one for $200. I want my money back!”

    Coworker: “Okay. Do you have your receipt?”

    Caller: “No, but I have my credit card.”

    Coworker: “Okay. We can put it back on that.”

    Caller: “No! I want that in cash!”

    Coworker: “Sir, that’s impossible. You paid for it with a credit card, so you get the money back on your credit card.”

    Caller: “But I paid it off with CASH!”

    Coworker: “Even so. The money has to go back on the card.”

    Caller: “Well, f*** it, b****!”

    Coworker: “I’d rather not. I don’t think you’re my type.”

    (The caller swears again and hangs up.)

    Coworker: *to me* “See? With idiots, you have to be clever. It confuses them.”

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