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    His Shopping Trip Came Crashing To The Floor

    | Agadir, Morocco | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

    (My dad had heard from a few friends of ours that it’s a good idea to wax the outdoors brick floors so they don’t absorb water. They gave him the name of the brand they use. He’s the slightly moronic customer in this one. We don’t speak French, and they rarely speak English in this area.)

    Dad: “I need [Brand] so I can wax our brick floors.”

    Employee: *points to bucket*  ”It’s for preparing walls before you put on tiles.”

    Dad: “No, no, it’s for waxing floors!”

    Employee: “Nnnnno, it’s for preparing walls before you tile.”

    Dad: “No, it’s not! I need to talk to your expert.”

    (An expert comes over, and tries to explain repeatedly what my dad is trying to buy.)

    Expert: “This is for preparing walls before you tile.”

    Dad: “You’re ALL clearly very wrong.”

    (My dad marched out of the store with a five-litre bucket. The bad news: My dad painted the entire roof terrace with sticky stuff meant to help tiles stick to the wall. The good news: He did a really neat job, and it _almost_ doesn’t feel like you’ve stepped in dry soda anymore.)

    The Blade Isn’t As Sharp As The Employee

    | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer comes in with a an 8 1/2″ circular saw blade and he wants to return it.)

    Customer: “This blade isn’t going to work for me.”

    Me: “Oh, do you want to go down and see what would work for you?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to get my money back.”

    Me: “Well, in that case, sir, do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “No, I threw it away.”

    Me: “Oh, let’s see if I can find you in the system.”

    (Our system holds transactions for about three months. It is easy to find a customer if they paid with a card.)

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, sir. I am not able to find you in the system. When did you buy this saw blade?”

    Customer: “I was in here yesterday!”

    (The customer is getting a bit irritated.)

    Me: “Do you have our [Business] rewards card, sir?”

    Customer: “F***, no! Why would I have your s****-a** card?!”

    Me: “In that case, sir, would you hold on a moment? It looks like I’ll need to get my manager because this is not in the system at all.”

    (I call my manager over and he asks all the questions I already did. I notice something is off: we carry this particular brand but we only stock one at a time, which is what the computer says we have currently. Sure enough, when I got to the shelf, that particular blade is missing, I head back up to my manager and pull him aside.)

    Me: *very quietly* “Sir, I have reason to believe that the customer is trying to return a stolen item.”

    (The customer is getting quite fidgety and very annoyed.)

    Manager: *to the customer* “Sir, I’m going to call the cops. Not only did you steal this, you tried to return it by getting what it was worth out of us as well. We have your face and license plate’s number on our cameras.”

    (The man bolted out of the store and ran away leaving the saw blade on the counter. I got 100 bucks for catching a shoplifter!)  

    The Sorry State Of Customer Service

    | Foley, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Wild & Unruly

    (It is my first day working the customer service desk, and a customer is cussing and yelling because I can’t do a return for him. One of my coworkers, famous for being very patient and good with difficult customers, happens to wander by. I’m nervous, so I flag her over.)

    Coworker: “Oh, [My Name], do you want some help?”

    Customer: “Help?! I need help! That f***** b**** won’t take back my return! This is s***!”

    Coworker: “Did you call the manager?”

    Me: “Yeah, and he said we couldn’t do anything.”

    Customer: “And that’s bulls***!”

    (My coworker looks unimpressed. I explain why we can’t do the return to her.)

    Coworker: “Hmm. Okay, well, I know he said no, but I think he’s actually wrong. I’ll take care of this. Sir, will you come with me?”

    Customer: “No! I’m standing here at this d*** desk until you fix my d*** problem!”

    Coworker: “Okay. Suit yourself.”

    (The customer keeps swearing and yelling until my coworker returns.)

    Coworker: “Okay, we’re going to make an exception. Boss’s orders.”

    Customer: “Finally! I’ve been here for f***** ever!”

    (I do the return, and as I’m about to hand the customer his money, my coworker holds her hand up to stop me.)

    Coworker: “Sir, I want to make it very clear that if I had any choice at all, I wouldn’t do this for you, and if you EVER come in here again and swear or yell at my coworkers, my boss, or me, I will personally see that you are escorted from this store, by the police if necessary. You should be ashamed of yourself for acting like this and making [My Name] feel like she’s not doing a good job because she is doing a marvellous one.”

    Customer: “I… I’m sorry.”

    Coworker: “No, you aren’t, and quite frankly, I don’t care. I’ve said my piece. Now here is your money, Sir. Have a splendid Thanksgiving.”

    Look Out For The Always Looking

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre

    (It is 10 minutes to closing time on a Saturday night. I am the only one in my department tonight, and I notice a customer walk in to the store.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [Company]! What brings you in today?”

    Customer: “Just looking around, thank you.” *starts to walk over to our tool chest section*

    Me: “Was this your first time purchasing or were you looking to upgrade your tool chest?”

    Customer: “No, thank you. Just looking.”

    (I leave the customer so they can look around a bit while I make sure there are no other customers are in my department.)

    Me: “Alrighty, then. If you need anything, please let me know.”

    (I help and ring up the other customers that were in my department, and I notice the customer is still looking around the same section.)

    Me: “Hello again. Were you able to make a decision?”

    Customer: “No, still just looking.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I give them some useful product information about the various tool chests before walking away again. I go to prep the registers for closing time, and lock the doors. Immediately after locking the last door, I turn around and see the customer staring at me with wide eyes and planted feet. I open the door and greet the customer.)

    Me: “H… Hi there, were you able to make a decision?”

    Customer: “Yes. Where were you?”

    Me: “I do apologize. It is 20 minutes after closing time, and I had to start locking up. Which one were you looking at purchasing today?”

    Customer: “Oh, I wasn’t going to purchase today… I just needed to know if this was in stock.”

    (I check stock on the register, and we have several available.)

    Me: “Yes, sir. We do have them in stock.”

    Customer: “Will they still be here on Tuesday?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, since it’s Saturday, I cannot guarantee that it will be in and I can only place items on hold to be picked up on the same day of inquiry.”

    Customer: “Okay, well, I’ll be back on Tuesday.”

    Me: “Certainly. Here’s my card, and make sure to let them know you spoke to me when you pick it up. Also, feel free to ask them any more questions.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    (I unlock one of the doors, let the customer out, lock it back up. I start closing down the registers, and see one of our cool supervisors walk up to the one I’m counting.)

    Supervisor: “Hey, you all right?”

    Me: “Yeah. Hey, do me a favor.”

    Supervisor: “Yeah?”

    Me: “Remind me to never play Silent Hill before coming to work ever again!”

    (We both laughed.)

    Seems To Have Enough Baggage Already

    | MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I am in the middle of ringing up Customer #1, when the next person in line dumps her purchases on the counter. She then seems to notice the items I am scanning for Customer #].)

    Customer #2: “Those aren’t mine.”

    Me: “I know. I’ll be with you as soon as I’m done.”

    Customer #2: *looks annoyed*

    (Customer #1 only has a few items that are easily carried by hand, so I ask him whether he wants a bag or not. As soon as he leaves, I start to scan Customer #2′s items, and bag them for her as well. She has several small items.)

    Customer #2: *clearly offended* “Why didn’t you ask me if I wanted a bag?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer #2: *gestures towards the retreating back of Customer #1* “You asked HIM if HE wanted a bag! Why wouldn’t you ask me the same thing?”

    Me: “Um… I figured you might need one?”

    Customer #2: “You should have asked!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Would you like a bag?”

    Customer #2: “OF COURSE I want a bag!”

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