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    Some Boys Are Made Of Sugar And Spice

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Language & Words

    (I am waiting for a hair cut. Next in the queue is a boy that can’t be older than four or five.)

    Little Boy: “I want you to cut my hair spicy!”

    Hairdresser: “…’spicy?’”

    Little Boy: “Yeah, spicy! Like, super spicy!”

    Hairdresser: “…don’t you mean ‘spiky?’”

    Little Boy: “That too!”

    Of Bellies And Buttons

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Health & Body

    (My co-worker is a tall, thin, very pretty girl. I am about the same height, but I am a plus-sized girl. I am in the middle of doing my count-out, since I am about to get off and my coworker is coming on. We have a customer waiting, so I ask her if she can check her out real quick. After she is done, we start a conversation.)

    Coworker: “I don’t think I’m going to enjoy my classes this semester. I really just can’t wait for the whole thing to be over.”

    Me: “You’ll be fine. Plus you need to be one of those girls that are both smart and pretty!”

    (We both laugh, and she begins to tell me about her classes when the client interrupts.)

    Client: “You know… you could be really pretty too if you tried.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Client: “I’m serious! You could be just as pretty as she is if you exercised, ate properly, and lost a good bit of weight.”

    Me: “Oh… I…”

    Client: “Well your face is as cute as a button! You just need to lose weight!”

    Me: “Um… thanks.”

    Client: “Do people even say cute as a button anymore? Oh well… your face is still cute as a button!”

    (The client walks out.)

    Coworker: “Did she really just tell you to lose weight?”

    Me: “Yeah. But I’m cute as a button though!”

    (We laugh. Now, when we see something we like, we say it’s cute as a button!)

    Slightly Accented Hair

    | NY, USA | Canada, Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (I have lilac hair with blue tips. I also wear light grey contacts, and I have slight Irish accent.)

    Customer: “Oh my, such pretty hair you have!”

    Me: “Thank you!”

    Customer: “Is it natural?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Like, were you born with that hair color? That’s so peculiar!”

    Customer’s friend: “That’s not the only thing peculiar about her! Look at her eyes, they’re so big and grey!”

    Me: “Oh, they’re just contact lenses.”

    Customer’s Friend: “Look, she’s even speaking with a weird accent! You must not be from here! Are you from Canada?”

    Customer and her Friend: *simultaneously* “Ah, Canadians!”

    Short Hair For The Short Fused

    | Netherlands |

    (A girl walks into our hair salon and makes a strange request for her boyfriend’s appointment.)

    Customer: “Can you cut it shorter than he says you should? He’ll demand he doesn’t have to pay, but I’ll just pay in advance.”

    Me: “You have to go through all this just to get his hair shorter?”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s not about the short hair. I just think it’s hot when he throws a fit.”

    Snobbery Just Won’t Cut It

    | London, England, UK | Top

    (I am having my hair done in a salon that is just off a very busy shopping street. It is just after 4:30 in the afternoon, when a woman breezes in, carrying a lot of shopping bags.)

    Client: “Hello! I have an appointment with [stylist].”

    Receptionist: “Do you? I think his client is already here. Can I get your name?”

    Client: “It is [name].”

    Receptionist: “Ah, I see why there’s some confusion. Your appointment was for 2:00 this afternoon.”

    Client: “Yes!”

    Receptionist: “And it’s 4:30 now.”

    Client: “Yes!”

    Receptionist: “So, you’re a bit late.”

    Client: “But, he knew I was going to be late!”

    Receptionist: “Oh, sorry. Did you ring to let him know?”

    Client: “No, but he should have known.”

    Receptionist: “Sorry, how should he have known?”

    Client: “He knows how beautiful I am, and there are all sorts of sales going on right now. You shouldn’t have your salon here if you don’t know that beautiful people, like me, are going to need to buy things for the summer! I mean, really!”

    Receptionist: “I’m very sorry, but your appointment time has passed. Maybe you can wait? [Stylist] is with another client right now.”

    (She points to me.)

    Client: *suddenly very angry* “Her? But she’s so ugly! It won’t make any difference if she has her hair done. Beautiful people should have their hair done first! The ugly ones should wait!”

    (She approaches my chair and tries to remove the foil for my highlights.)

    Receptionist: “Madam, I’m going to have to ask you to leave right now. You can’t speak to other clients like that!”

    (The woman continues trying to pull me out of the chair. She is hustled out of the salon by a group of stylists and customers, leaving all her bags behind.)

    Client: *going out the door* “The ugly ones should waaaaaait!”


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