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  • His Attitude Speaks Volumes
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    Not If You’re Tim Burton

    | Queens, NY, USA |

    (It is 3 weeks before Halloween. A customer walks into the gym and points at some of our decorations we’ve .)

    Member: *rudely* “What is all this for?”

    Me: “They’re our Halloween decorations.”

    Member: “Oh, okay. Because I was going to say, it’s a little early for Christmas decorations.”

    (The Christmas decorations he was referring to? Cobwebs and jack-o-lantern lights.)

    That’s A Wrap On The Rap

    | Norway | Top

    (I am a receptionist at a local gym. We use radio instead of CDs–normally hip-hop/pop music radio channels. An elderly gentleman, probably in his 80s, walks up to the reception with a kind smile. He is the only member working out at this early hour.)

    Customer: “Young man, do you mind changing the radio channel?”

    Me: “No, of course not. What kind of music would you like to listen to?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t really care. I’m just tired of being told to f*** my deceased mother.”

    Downgraded Membership

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    (Note: I’m 19 and go to college.)

    Customer: “Oh, I think you have class with my daughter, Kayla.”

    Me: “I don’t think I know her. What year is she?”

    Customer: “10th.”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Customer: “10th grade.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m in college.”

    Customer: “Sure you are, sweetie.” *winks*

    New Years Resolution: Get A Brain

    | Virginia, USA |

    Customer: “What are your hours for New Years?”

    Me: “We will be closing at 4pm on New Year’s Eve.”

    Customer: “Do you have something with those times on it?”

    Me: “If you go over to the bulletin board by the door there is a sign with the hours.”

    Customer: “This sign says December 31, but nothing about New Year’s Eve!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, New Year’s Eve is December 31.”

    Customer: “That’s not right! I asked for the hours on New Year’s Eve, and now you’re trying to trick me by giving me the hours for December 31!”

    Me: “No, New Year’s Eve is just the name of the holiday that occurs on December 31.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Here, look at the calendar. See, if you look at December 31, it says ‘Holiday: New Year’s Eve’.”

    Customer: “What is this? I don’t want any part of your liberal anti-holiday conspiracy!”

    This. Is. High Bar-ta.

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (I coach an Advanced Recreational group of kids aged 11-14. I’m spotting one of the boys on the high bar when his arm slips and he elbows me in the face.)

    Me: “Thanks. Please try not to do that again.”

    Child: “Sorry!” *laughs*

    (He tries it again, and elbows me in the face again. This time, my lip is bleeding so I go over to the door to spit the blood out of my mouth into the garbage. As I’m doing this, one of the dads that is watching from the lobby runs in.)

    Dad: “That was freakin’ amazing!”

    Me: “What was?”

    Dad: “From the lobby, it looked like he elbowed you in the face, you thanked him and asked him for another. Then you came and spat your blood into the garbage as a show of dominance over the rest of them. FRICKIN’ AWESOME!” *high fives me*

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