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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Please Stop ‘Schwer’-ing

    | Germany | Language & Words

    (I work in a climbing hall which contains a large boulder area where are three levels of difficulty marked with the letters S, M, L. This means ‘Schwer’, the highest difficulty, ‘Mittel’ which is a medium route to climb and ‘Leicht’ for the easiest options. There is a sign next to the entrance explaining the rating system and the whole word the letters stand for is written in small text under the difficulty-signs. A female customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Hi there, I have a question about the boulder difficulties written on the signs.”

    Me: “Sure, go ahead.”

    Customer: “First, why are the boulders rated with clothing sizes? And why are the ‘S’ routes so insane difficult? I didn’t even manage to do one of them?”

    Me: “Miss, you realize the letters do not stand for small, medium, and large? In fact, there’s a sign two meters from you explaining the difficulties and it’s also written beneath every sign here. ‘S’ therefore is the most difficult thing you can do here.”

    Customer: “I don’t care about your god-d*** f****** signs explaining s***! S,M,L are definite clothing sizes as they have always been! Now move you lazy a** and reassign those f****** signs so I can climb my ‘S’ routes as I want!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, madam, that the standard system of rating boulders does not fit your expectations. Nevertheless, I cannot and will not change the standardised system as it would confuse every other customer. Also I have to ask you to watch your language as there are children close by.”

    (By saying that I can see the customer is not going to accept the answer and indeed she goes off, shouting me names and threatening to push the stones into my butt if I won’t serve her the way she wants.)

    Me: “Madam, please try to calm down and please stop swearing; it disturbs our other customers, especially the children!”

    (The customer by now ignores me and is shouting in full voice about the system. The manager comes over and gets the customer escorted out by two coworkers.)

    Manager: “So, let me guess. That lady could not get over the shock of hearing that S,M,L are not always clothing sizes, too?”

    Me: “‘too’? You mean this was not the first time that happened?”

    Manager: “Well, let’s say some women are a bit special about stuff concerning their clothes…”

    Unfair Daycare

    , | Richmond, VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (I work at a gym daycare. We have a very strict policy that we cannot watch a child for more than three hours per day. Also, parents MUST be in the building while we are watching their children. A man (who was wearing no workout clothing) walks in with his two daughters.)

    Customer: “Hi, this is my first time dropping my kids off here. Do I need to sign anything?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, just sign here!”

    (I hand him a “first time” liability waiver and he glances over it.)

    Customer: “Three hours? That’s it?”

    Me: “Uh, yes, sir… we aren’t allowed to watch children for more than three hours per day.”

    Customer: “Well, all right, I guess.” *signs waiver*

    Me: “Okay, you’re all set; have a good workout, sir!”

    (He walks out. Our gym is quite large so I assumed he brought workout clothes and planned on changing. Three hours go by and he’s yet to pick up his daughters. After multiple announcements over the PA system I decide to investigate. Turns out he’s nowhere to be found in the entire gym. The gym manager pulls up his contact information and calls him.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Manager: “Hi, is this Mr. [Customer]?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Manager: “This is [Gym] and we have your daughters… It’s been well over three hours and you aren’t allowed to leave the building if your children are in daycare.”

    Customer: “But… I’m at work right now. I don’t get off for another five hours. You’re going to have to watch them until I’m off work.”

    Manager: “Sir, we are not a daycare. We are a fitness club. We can only watch your children if you’re in the building working out.”

    Customer: “Then why do you call it a daycare?! I can’t just leave work right now!”

    Manager: “Sir, if you don’t come get your children we will have no choice but to call the police.”

    Customer: “What? You can’t do that! I signed a form saying I could keep my children there!”

    Manager: “That’s correct; the form you signed specifically mentions that guardians are not allowed to leave the building or keep their children here for more than three hours.”

    Customer: “All right, fine!”

    (He hung up. Twenty minutes later he came and picked up his daughters. My manager informed him that he was no longer allowed to keep his children in our care, and he subsequently cancelled his gym membership.)

    She’s The Belle Of The Ball

    | OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

    (I work at a place with an indoor kid’s gym. One of the things I have to do to close includes picking up the foam balls in the area, which takes a while. I start about a half-hour before closing, even though there’s still a family inside. The oldest daughter, who looks about seven, comes over.)

    Girl: “Hey, what are you doing?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m starting to clean up. We have to round up all the balls and put them in a bag.”

    Girl: “Oh, can I help?”

    Me: “Uhm, sure!”

    (She helped with almost half of the balls, before she had to leave. I kept smiling, even after she left.)

    Quite A Climb To Get To The Answer

    | Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a climbing gym. We were closed for a week to do yearly renovations.)

    Customer: *walks up, pulls on locked door*

    Customer: *looks inside, sees climbing walls being painted*

    Customer: *looks at sign on door, which explains reason for closure*

    Customer: *looks inside again*

    Customer: *pulls out cell phone, calls our landline*

    Customer: “Hey, are you guys open?”

    Bad Things Come To Those Who Wait

    | Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Crazy Requests

    (Our facility offers a cultural swim for women who don’t swim with men. We are the only facility in the city that offers this. We only have 12 spots for adults and it usually fills a month ahead. This call takes place one week before.)

    Me: “Hello, [Gym]. [My Name] speaking.”

    Caller: “Do you still offer cultural swim?”

    Me: “Yes, we do, but I’m sorry. It is full for this session.”

    (Caller hangs up abruptly. Less than two minutes later, the same number appears on my phone.)

    Me: “Hello, [Gym].  [My Name] speaking.”

    Caller: “I am wondering when your cultural swim starts.”

    Me: “Are you already registered?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but our adult class is full. We do have one spot left in our six and under class.”

    Caller: “Already? Can’t you fit one more in?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the class has been full for a month. I can put you on our wait list.”

    Caller: “Can’t you add one more?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. It’s a pre-programmed system and once a class is full, registration locks.”

    Caller: “Can’t you override it?”

    Me: *getting a little annoyed* “I’m sorry. That’s not how our system works.”

    Caller: “Why can’t the manager override it?”

    (This continues three or four more times.)

    Me: “I’m sorry but as I’ve explained the class is full and registration is locked. I can put you on a wait list, or you can try registering in the fall.”

    Caller: “Well, I guess put me on a wait list. There is still a week. Someone will probably drop out.”

    Me: *takes breath* “Okay, I can put you on a wait list—”

    Caller: “So, you’ll call me when someone drops out?”

    Me: “Well, there are four names ahead of you.”

    Caller: “There’s still a week. People will drop out.”

    (Because this class is so in demand people rarely drop out. I put her on the wait list anyway.)

    Caller: “Call me when there’s a spot for me.” *hangs up*

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