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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    That Would Be A Mis-Steak

    | Adelaide, Australia | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Does this honey baked ham contain real honey?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s a honey glaze.”

    Customer: “Oh, I won’t get it then. It was for my daughter, she’s vegan. She can’t have honey, as she doesn’t believe in eating any animal products.”

    Blind To Reason, Part 2

    | Texas, USA | Uncategorized

    (Note: I’m bagging groceries.)

    Me: “So, are you going to make a pies?”

    Customer: “What did you say?!”

    Me: “Um, I noticed you’re buying a lot of stuff to make pies with. I asked if you were going to make some.”

    Customer: “Stop looking at my groceries!”

    Me: “Okay.” *I resume bagging*

    Customer: “I said to stop looking at them!”

    Me: “Um, okay.”

    (I close my eyes and attempt to bag them without seeing them.)

    Customer: “Stop mocking me!”

    Blind To Reason

    Why Cashiers Should Rule The World

    | Arlington, VA, USA | Arlington, VA, USA | Top

    (I’m a customer in the check out line. I’m buying a box of tampons for my mom, who is bedridden after surgery. One of the two customers standing behind me in line speaks up.)

    Other customer: “Ha-ha what a p****. He’s buying tampons.”

    (I ignore the two and move forwards to the cashier. She’s an attractive girl of about 20 years old.)

    Cashier: “$5.71 after the discount.”

    (I have no idea what discount she’s talking about, but I pay her and get my change.)

    Cashier: *with a smile on her face* “Here you go baby, I’m taking my break now and I’ll see you at home at 8. Just leave the tampons in my car, please.”

    (She leans over the counter and kisses me on the cheek. She then turns the light off on the register number and walks off towards the other side of the store. The two customers watched her with their jaws open and angrily walk off to another register.)

    Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 2

    Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World

    Compared To Some Customers, Yes

    | O'Fallon, MI, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer is using the self checkout. Her total is $1.52.)

    Customer: “I still owe 52 cents, but all I have is a $10 bill.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I put a dollar bill in, but I still owe 52 cents and all I have is a $10 bill.”

    Me: “That’s fine. You can just put the ten in and it will give you the difference back.”

    Customer: “Really? The machine is that smart?”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Item

    | Redlands, CA, USA | Top

    (A mother approaches me with her daughter.)

    Customer: “I’m hosting some of my daughters friends for the night and I couldn’t find your condoms.” *puts her hand on her daughter’s head* “Lucy is turning 13.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You know, condoms! Ketchup and mustard. We’re having a BBQ. It’s simple. Where are they?”

    Me: “Oh! Condiments.”

    Customer: “Yes, condoms. Where are they?”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

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