A Sign Of A Long Day

| Mississauga, ON, Canada | Top

(Note: I am a self-checkout attendant.)

Customer: “Miss, my debit card doesn’t seem to be working.”

Me: “Are you sure you’re swiping it the right way?”

Customer: “Which way is the right way?”

Me: “Stripe facing outward.”

Customer: “Miss, it’s still not working!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but that debit machine is currently out of order.”

Customer: “I want to use this one. Why isn’t this one working?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we called tech support. If you’d like, I’d be more than happy to suspend your order and–”

Customer: “It’s your responsibility to put up signs if something isn’t working! I want to speak to your store manager.”

Me: “There’s no sign on that machine? I’m sure I put them up just a couple of minutes ago.”

Customer: “Do you SEE a sign?”

(I walk over to the machine, and see the sign laying by the customers feet on the floor. It was clearly ripped off of the machine, as it’s half torn.)

Me: “Hmm, I’m terribly sorry sir. It seems someone ripped the sign off.”

Customer: “Yeah, that was me.”

Me: “Can I ask why?”

Customer: “No, you can’t.”

Me: “Why would you use this machine is you had seen and read the sign, stating that the debit machine wasn’t working?”

Customer: “Because there was no sign!”

Me: “But you ripped the sign off.”

Customer: “Yeah, so now that it’s not there anymore the debit machine should be working! Forget this! I’m going to another store!”

It Was A Love/Hate/Poison Relationship

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hello. How do you have strawberries so late in the season?”

Me: “They are a special breed called Everbearing. They last until the frost comes.”

Customer: “How did they get such a breed?”

Me: “Well, they bred them especially for this.”

Customer: “So they were genetically modified? That causes cancer!”

Me: “I’m sure they won’t give you cancer. There are other things that cause cancer, but–”

Customer: “Don’t tell me what causes cancer! Don’t you think I know what causes cancer?!”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Customer: “It’s okay, I’ll take a basket. They’re for my sister.”

Comically Bad Timing

| Prince Edward Island, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, How are you?”

Customer: “Good, how are you?”

Me: “I’m good. Do you have an Air miles card?”

Customer: “Yes, Yes I do.”

(He hands me a card that is well-worn and falling apart.)

Customer: “It’s really old, but it still works well. My god does it ever work well.” *creepy look*

(The customer pays and leaves, all the while staring at me very creepily. About two minutes later, he comes back into the store, returns to my line, looks at me right in the eye, and says…)

Customer: “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!”

A Squeaky Clean Record

| Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Top

(The junior college near my grocery store has some guy who makes very good fake IDs. After a couple of months, we’ve become adept at spotting them. One night, a young customer tries to pass one on me.)

Me: “Wow, this is a really good fake.”

(The customer’s eyes go wide and she squeaks in terror.)

Me: “How old are you, really?”

Customer: *squeaks again*

Me: “Sorry, say again?”

Customer: “Seventeen?”

Me: “Wow, that’s crazy. But this is a really good fake. How much did you pay for this?”

Customer: *squeaks*

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Customer: “Two fifty?”

Me: “You paid two hundred and fifty dollars for this?”

Customer: *squeaks*

Me: “Well, I feel kinda bad that you’re losing all that money, so I’m not gonna call the police. However, I have to confiscate your ID, okay?”

Customer: *squeaks*

Me: “You have a nice night now.”

Customer: *squeaks one last time and runs from the store*

Attack Of The Cownivores

, | Hawarden, IA, USA | Top

(Most corn that is grown in Iowa is for livestock. We sell sweet corn at our stand that sits in front of our feed corn field by the road.)

Customer: “I want some of that corn.” *gestures toward feed corn field*

Me: “Oh, that’s not sweet corn. That’s feed corn.”

Customer: “What?! All corn is sweet corn.”

Me: “No, there is sweet corn grown especially for humans and feed corn grown for cattle.”

Customer: “Bulls***! I know you stupid hicks are trying to cheat me! Cows are meat-eaters!”

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