October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Aisle Be Watching You, Part 2

| Montana, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m looking for horseradish.”

(I take her to the condiment section, where there are seven different kinds of horseradish.)

Customer: “No, it’s not any of these.”

Me: “Is it a refrigerated product?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, this is the only place I know of where we stock horseradish.”

(A few moments later, the customer finds me again.)

Customer: “I know where it is. But I’m not going to tell you. You need to figure it out on you own.”

Aisle Be Watching You

Bumming Around On The Job

| Manalapan, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

(I work in a high-end grocery store that has a department of employees solely dedicated to pushing shopping carts.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what’s [department name]?”

Me: “It’s a department where we push shopping carts, assist customers, and maintain the parking lot.”

Customer: “Yes, but are you an employee at [store]?”

Me: “Yes, I’m an employee.”

Customer: “As in, do they pay you?”

Me: “Yes, this is my job.”

Customer: “So, you’re not homeless?”

Blame A Lack Of Concentration

| Alberta, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to return this orange juice.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It’s brown.”

Me: “Oh, wow. When did you purchase it?”

Customer: “The 19th of this month.” *hands me her receipt*

Me: “Miss, this receipt says you purchased this orange juice on the 19th of last year. You bought this 367 days ago.”

Customer: “Yes, and it’s gone brown. I’d like a refund.”

Me: “Did it not occur to you that orange juice would expire over the course of the year?”

Customer: “I thought if I waited until the 19th of the month again, it would be okay.”

In George We Trust

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I’ve just finished a transaction with a customer who only spoke Spanish, and am speaking to my coworker who translated for me.)

Me: *to coworker* “I really should learn Spanish. So many customers come in and that’s all they speak.”

Customer: “No, you shouldn’t.”

Me: “It really would help. I have to get someone to translate every time I have a Spanish-speaking customer.”

Customer: “But you aren’t in Mexico! You are in America!”

Me: “Well, sir, America is a melting pot of all kinds of cultures and languages.”

Customer: “But if you come to another country, you should learn the language they invented! George Washington invented English, and that’s what everyone in America should speak!”

Never Send A Man…Period

| Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(A male customer is in the feminine hygiene aisle and has requested to speak to a female employee.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you with something?”

Customer: *obviously embarrassed* “I need some ‘female products’.”

Me: “Okay, you’re in the right place. This is all our selection.”

Customer: “Really?” *points to the pads* “I don’t think these will work. They all look so small.”

Me: “Well, most women prefer that. But if you want something different, the tampons are right here as well.”

Customer: “Oh, gross. No, I would rather these but bigger, so they’ll work.”

Me: “This is really all we have.”

Customer: “Hmm, what about some diapers or something like that? Do you have those?”

Me: “What? Do you mean baby diapers? Sir, I really don’t think that’s what you want.”

Customer: “You’re right, they probably cost twice as much anyways. I think I’m going to tell my wife to come in after work and figure this out herself.”

Me: “I think that’s a very good idea, sir.”

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