November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Love Thy Culturally Homogenous Neighbor

| Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Religion, Uncategorized

Me: “I hope you’ve found everything to your liking!”

Customer: “Oh, thank you, I have! It’s so nice to meet a polite Christian girl nowadays! You know, it’s always best to love thy neighbor.”

Me: “Oh, actually, I’m not Christian. But yes, I agree.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, as long as you love Jesus our savior!”

Me: “Actually, I’m Muslim and Jewish.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Well, my mother is Jewish and my father is Muslim.”

Customer: “Oh. When I said ‘love thy neighbor,’ I didn’t mean you!”

Now We Know Why Bob Retired

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

Me: “Your total comes to $15.49.”

Customer: “Don’t I get a discount?”

Me: “Are you in the military or a member of our frequent shopper club?”

Customer: “I’m in the club. I shop here all the time.”

Me: “Great! I should be able to find you in our database and apply your discount. What is your last name?”

Customer: “Well I’m not in your computer but I know I get a discount. I shop here all the time and I’m a senior citizen.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have a senior discount, but I’d be happy to help you join our frequent shopper club.”

Customer: “You don’t have a senior discount?!” *she turns to an older couple in line behind her* “Did you hear that? These
people don’t respect the seniors in this community! This is outrageous! I shop here all the time. I’m a senior. I should get a discount. Let me talk to Bob!”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, Bob retired 4 years ago.”

Customer: “Okay, well then I need to speak with Claudia. She and I are very close.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with a Claudia.”

Customer: “Well, you need to ask someone who’s not new.”

Me: “Well, I’ve been here three years, but let me check.”

(I call my manager, who’s been here forever.)

Me: "I’m sorry ma’am, but I just spoke with my manager, and she said that Claudia passed away in 2005."

Customer: “She’s dead?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, do I get a discount? I shop here all the time!”

Trying To Re-Coup Losses

| Oakville, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

(An elderly customer comes up to my checkout.)

Me: “That’ll be [price]."

Customer: “Why is it so much?”

Me: “Well, you bought all these items, and it all adds up to your total.”

Customer: “You charged me for the chicken?”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Customer: “There’s your mistake. The chickens are free today.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “I got it from that big display where you’re giving away ‘free range chicken’.”

Tip Top

| Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(I am working as a cashier and an elderly lady comes in through my line.)

Old Lady: "Honey, you are always so nice to everybody. I bet no one ever does anything for you!"

Me: "Thank you! But that’s not true."

(I put the groceries in the cart for her, but she still stands by my register.)

Me: "Did you need anything else?"

Old Lady: "Here, you just take this as a lil’ thank-you from me!"

(She thrusts a couple of dollars at me. Mind you, there are cameras at every register and we aren’t allowed to take tips.)

Me: "I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t accept that. We don’t take tips."

Old Lady: "Take it, please!"

Me: "No, I really–"

Old Lady: "TAKE IT!"

(She then opens up my work shirt, puts the money inside, closes it, and pats my chest down.)

Old Lady: "Now you have a nice day!"

(There are guys from my college behind her and I’m red as a beet.)

One of the guys: "Heh heh, and how are you doin’?"

The Cup Is Half Empty Kinda Guy

| Norway | Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

(The chain we are a part of has a free coffee/warm beverage deal if you buy a cup with their brand, new each year of course. A customer comes to cash registry with smoking hot cup of warm coffee and a candy bar. The cup clearly states it is from 2005.)

Me: “That’s [price] sir.”

Customer: *shouting* “What?! For one lousy candy bar? Are you insane?”

Me: “No sir, that’s for the candy bar, and for the hot beverage.”

Customer: “This is a brand new cup! I bought it last week. Don’t try to rip me off!”

(I point out the 2005 and he stares blankly at me for a second.)

Customer: “But I have a gold card! I’m entitled to coffee all year long!”

Me: “No, sir, you’re entitled to one cup. If you lose the cup, or fail to bring it, then you must pay for it.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to pay for things that I buy!”