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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    How To Ensure A Blanc Stare

    | Ypsilanti, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (A elderly couple come through my counter with some wine.)

    Me: *joking around* “Are you sure you two are old enough to have this tonight?” *holds up wine*

    Customer: “Kid, I have underwear old enough to buy that.”

    Customers Wife: *laughs hysterically*

    Ooooooooh Dear

    | Fort Kent, MN, USA | Funny Names, Uncategorized

    (I am stocking shelves, a customer comes up asking for assistance to find an item.)

    Customer: “I need to find some Eight O’s corn.”

    Me: “I’m not familiar with that brand, ma’am, but I will do my best to help. Are you looking for corn that is fresh, frozen or canned?”

    Customer: “How am I supposed to know that? It’s Eight O’s corn!”

    Me:  “Well, is it cold?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “It is probably in our frozen section, then. Let’s go take a look.”

    (After pointing out our selection of frozen corn, she picks up a bag of store brand frozen corn excitedly.)

    Customer: “This is it! Eight O’s!”

    (I look at the item and see she has picked up an 8 oz. bag).

    Enough To Make You Quai

    | Florida, USA | Health & Body, Language & Words, Uncategorized

    (I am trying to help a customer with a product while she is talking on the phone to her friend. Every time she asks me a question, she would go back to talking to her friend while I gave her the answer so I would have to repeat myself.)

    Customer: “Do you have something that will help me with my period?”

    Me: “Dong Quai.”

    Customer: “I’m not crying!”

    Me: “No, the product is called Dong Quai.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Stuck In Retail H***

    | Westfield, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Religion, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m rich with the love of the Lord.”

    (The customer places a pamphlet about religion on the register in front of me.)

    Me: “Oh…I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. Thank you.”

    Customer: “That is exactly why you need it. Sin is everywhere.”

    (I finish bagging the items and place the pamphlet in her bag.)

    Me: “Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day!”

    Customer: “Go to h***!”

    Death By A-Salt

    | Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Top

    Customer: “I checked your flyer and it said that [Major Brand] margarine was on sale this week.”

    Me: “I don’t believe so, but I will check our flyer to see.”

    (As I’m flipping through the pages she stops when she sees an advertisement for a sale.)

    Customer: “See, right there. It says save $2.98.”

    Me:”I’m sorry, ma’am, but it says save $2.98 when you buy [Company Brand] Margarine, not [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “Oh, well my husband needs the salt-free kind, and [Company Brand] doesn’t make a salt-free.”

    Me: “Well that’s not the one that’s on sale.”

    Customer: “Well he needs a salt-free kind.”

    Me: “Well, then you’ll have to buy the [Major Brand] one.”

    Customer: “But it’s not on sale, and he needs a salt-free.”

    Me: “Yes, I heard you ma’am, but if [Company Brand], doesn’t make a salt free margarine, then you will have to buy the [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “You don’t understand. My husband needs a salt-free margarine. If he has a normal margarine, it will spike his sodium and he’ll die.”

    Me: “Then you’ll have to buy the [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “But it’s not on sale.”

    Me: “Well, there’s nothing I can do about it, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You really don’t care anything about my husband’s health, do you? You don’t care that he could die so easily do you?”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s not that I don’t care. You can buy the salt-free [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “But that margarine isn’t on sale! You are just going to stand there and murder my husband!”

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