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    Aisle Be Watching You

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Top

    (I’ve misunderstood a question and directed the customer to the wrong aisle. I’m trying to tell her the correct aisle.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. I thought you meant something else. What you’re looking for is actually down aisle 8. It’s the last item on the right.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you, and I’m too tired to look for it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can verify that it is in aisle 8. There is a display a few feet away so you won’t have to walk all the way down there.”

    Customer: “What is the store phone number?”

    (The customer dials the store number with the phone in front of me. It’s on speaker phone so I hear ringing on her end and then ringing on my phone. I pick up the phone and look right at the customer standing no more than a foot away from me.)

    Me: “Hello [store name].”

    Customer: “Yes, hi. I have a question about a product you sell. What aisle is [product] down?”

    Me: “Aisle 8. Last item on the right.”

    Customer: “Thank you.” *hangs up, looks at me* “At least she knew what she was talking about!”

    Lost In Time And Retail Space

    | Billings, MT, USA | Top

    (I’ve worked in the store for over a year. There is also a small pin on my badge saying ‘serving you since 2008’.)

    Customer: “Hi! Are you new? I haven’t seen you here before.”

    Me: “Actually, no, I’ve worked here for a year and a half.”

    Customer: “No way! I shop here everyday! I’ve never seen you!”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you that I’ve worked here for that long. Look at my name badge.”

    Customer: “I want to see your manager! You’re a liar! It says you’ve been here since 2008!”

    Me: “I have.”

    Customer: “Who did you steal that pin from?”

    Me: “It’s mine.”

    (My manager comes over.)

    Manager: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “This girl is a liar! She’s says she worked here since 2008!”

    Manager: “She has.”

    Customer: “2008 hasn’t even happened yet!”

    Pajama Drama

    | Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

    (I am a customer at a 24-hour store at about 3am. I noticed that the store uses the same system at my own store. Since the cashier is new to his job, I am teaching him how to put in coupons when another customer comes up.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

    Cashier: “Yes? Did you need something?”

    Customer: “No, her.” *points to me*

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “You’re using the till!”

    Me: “I work at a different grocery store. I’m just helping him out.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe they let you work here in pajamas!”

    Me: “I’m not working right now.”

    Customer: “Where is your manager?”

    Cashier: “He’s asleep.”

    Customer: “So what you guys do is wear pajamas and take naps when there are no customers?”

    Me: “Well, of course.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay!”

    Bloody Stupid

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Top

    (The previous customer had purchased nineteen whole chickens. The packaging leaked chicken blood/juice onto the cashier belt.)

    Me: “Just one second, ma’am. I’m going to clean the belt off first. There’s a ton of chicken blood on it and it’s pretty nasty.”

    Customer: “Excuse me? Do you think I’m stupid?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t quite get what you mean.”

    Customer: “I’m not an idiot. A chicken is a bird, and birds don’t bleed!”

    Too Ham Fisted To Realize

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Do you have any kosher ham here?”

    Me: “No, I don’t think there is such a thing.”

    Customer: “Darn it! I’ve been to three stores today, and none of them had it either. My husband’s parents are in town, and they’re Jewish. I wanted to make them dinner.”

    Me: “I don’t think Jews are allowed to eat pig.”

    Customer: “Duh, that’s why I need to get it kosher, so they can eat it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think they make any kosher ham.”

    Customer: “What about pork?”

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