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    A Dawning Realization Of One’s Dimness

    | St. Paul, MN, USA |

    Me: “Okay, that will be $5.93 for the cigarettes.”

    (The customer hands me a five dollar bill, puts the cigarettes in her pocket and starts walking off.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you didn’t give me enough money. You only gave me $5 and the total was $5.93.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I gave you five.” *points at the money*

    Me: “Yes, but the total is five dollars and ninety-three cents.”

    Customer: *angrily* “Yeah, I gave you five dollars!”

    Me: “It’s not enough. I need about a dollar more. Would you like to get something different or cheaper maybe?”

    Customer: “No, I want this one!”

    Me: “Well, I can’t sell these to you when you don’t have enough to pay for it.”

    Customer: “Well, what am I gonna do?”

    Me: “Go home and get more money?”

    (Her expression suddenly brightens.)

    Customer: “Oh! Yeah, okay! I’ll go do that I’ll be right back!” *gives cigarettes back and leaves cheerily*

    While We’re At It, Let’s Find Your Lost Marbles Too

    | Springfield, VT, USA |

    (I’m a cashier at a grocery story and recently lost my voice. I just cashed out the following customer…)

    Customer, to supervisor: “She was very rude! She didn’t speak to me once during the order!”

    Supervisor: “I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am, but this cashier has lost her voice.”

    Customer: *totally serious* “Oh. Are you looking for it?”

    It’s Probably Not Flushable Anymore

    | Dublin |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help?”

    Customer: “Hi, I need to know something very important, very quickly.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help. What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “Is your toilet paper… is it flushable? Like, can I flush it down the toilet?”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure if it’s toilet paper it’s flushable, yes.”

    Customer: “Well *** brand says it’s flushable but your brand doesn’t say that anywhere on it.”

    Me: “I think it’s assumed that toilet roll is flushable. What’s the alternative?”

    Customer: “Well, okay. Since I wasn’t sure, I’ve just been letting it sit in the bowl…”

    No One Ever Said It Would Be Boring…

    | Peterborough, Ontario, Canada | Top

    (This happened on my first day of the job.)

    Me: “Welcome to [grocery store].”

    Customer: “Take off your glasses.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “They’re all pink and red; I can’t see your eyes!”

    Me: “That’s because they’re tinted that way for a reason. Red increases contrast, and I’m photophobic.”

    Customer: “What? You’re afraid of light? D*** VAMPI–”

    Me: “–NO, no, no. It just means bright light hurts my eyes.”

    Customer: “All right, ring these up.”

    (Looking down, I notice he has bagged peaches. A LOT of them. As it’s my first day, I have to search for the code for them, and they lack a barcode.)

    Customer: “Well? They’re peaches.”

    Me: “I know, let me just–”

    Customer:Peaches! Come on, they’re peaches. Just ring them up.”

    Me: “Sorry, just a moment.” *grabbing phone* “What’s the code for–”

    Customer: “THESE. ARE. PEACCHEESSSS!”

    (He grabs one of the bags of peaches, swings it around until it TEARS open and peaches go flying everywhere, then he runs out of the store.)

    Coworker: *on the phone* “Aha, so you met the peaches guy on your first day? I remember my first time meeting him…”

    Me: “…”

    It Only Goes Downhill From Here

    | Bedford, IN, USA |

    (I’ve just finished bagging a man’s groceries in two paper bags.)

    Me: “Have a great night!”

    Customer: “Paper bags? NEVER bag my groceries in paper bags!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “If you ever do this again, I’ll kill you! I’ll blow your head off! I have guns!”

    Me: “…”

    (Two weeks later, the store hired him. I quit.)

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