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    The Clothes Make The Manager

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Top

    (My brother is the manager of a grocery store. Important: they’ve recently switched uniforms from red to blue.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can I get some help?”

    Brother: “Yes, is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for [competitors brand]. Why don’t you have it?”

    Brother: “It’s because only our competitor can sell that.”

    Customer: “That is bull****! I’ve been shopping here for 10 years and you’ve always had that!”

    Brother: “Ma’am, we’ve only been at this location for four years and we don’t sell our competitor’s brand.”

    Customer: “You are compleatly hopeless! I demand to speak to the manager!”

    Brother: “I am the manager, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Did you not hear me?! I want to talk to the M-A-N-A-G-E-R!”

    Brother: “Fine, just a sec. I’ll go fetch him.”

    (My brother walks in to the staff area, picks up an old red shirt from a box, puts it on, and walks out.)

    Brother: “Hello ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: *calmly* “Finally. I want to know why you don’t have [competitors brand]?”

    Brother: “Because only our competitor can sell it.”

    Customer: “Oh? I guess I’ll have to go to their store, then. Thanks!”

    When Colloquialisms Meet Capitalism

    | Long Island, NY, USA |

    (I’ve just rung up a customer up for cigarettes.)

    Customer: “I’m gonna zip-zip it.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Zip-zip!”

    Me: “I don’t know what that means.”

    Customer: *getting annoyed* “I’m going to use my zip-zip card!”

    Customer’s Daughter: “Zip-zip? Gosh, Mom! It’s a credit card.”

    Me: “Oooh. You can slide that right over there.” *pointing to the card machine*

    Customer: “Which button do I press? It’s asking me to pick payment type.”

    Me: “…credit?”

    From Lucifer To Lucky

    | Jamestown, NC, USA | Top

    (I’ve just rung up a customer’s items at the grocery store.)

    Me: “That will be $6.66, sir.”

    Customer:“Wait a minute!”

    (The customer proceeds to frantically search the candy displays. He comes back with a handful of various candies and a soda.)

    Customer: “Okay, now ring these up, because that is bad omen!”

    Me: “Your new total is…$7.77!

    Tasteless And Pointless

    | Norfolk, UK |

    (I’m giving out free samples of Norfolk apple juice that we sell. There are several different flavors.)

    Me: “Hello, Madam. Would you like to try some of our apple juice?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes please!”

    (The lady samples each one several times, making “Mmm!” sounds.)

    Customer: “Well, I must admit they were very nice.”

    Me: “Good! Which one was your favorite?”

    Customer: “I couldn’t tell you dear, I lost my sense of taste and smell years ago.” *walks off*

    The Hole In His Logic

    | London, UK | Top

    Customer: “I’m looking for your nuts.”

    Me: “Those are on aisle four sir.”

    Customer: “I’ve already looked and I can’t find them. I’m looking for my favorites.”

    Me: “All the types of nut we have in stock are in aisle four, if you can’t find them then we don’t stock them. Do you want me to have a look for you?”

    Customer: “No no, I’ll go look again.”

    (Five minutes later, he returns.)

    Customer: “I still can’t find my favorite nuts!”

    Me: “Then I am afraid we must not stock them.”

    Customer: “But my wife gets them for me from here every week!”

    Me: “What type of nuts does she buy you?”

    Customer: “Donuts…”

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