Stuck In Retail H***

| Westfield, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Religion, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

Customer: “I’m rich with the love of the Lord.”

(The customer places a pamphlet about religion on the register in front of me.)

Me: “Oh…I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. Thank you.”

Customer: “That is exactly why you need it. Sin is everywhere.”

(I finish bagging the items and place the pamphlet in her bag.)

Me: “Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day!”

Customer: “Go to h***!”

Death By A-Salt

| Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Top

Customer: “I checked your flyer and it said that [Major Brand] margarine was on sale this week.”

Me: “I don’t believe so, but I will check our flyer to see.”

(As I’m flipping through the pages she stops when she sees an advertisement for a sale.)

Customer: “See, right there. It says save $2.98.”

Me:”I’m sorry, ma’am, but it says save $2.98 when you buy [Company Brand] Margarine, not [Major Brand].”

Customer: “Oh, well my husband needs the salt-free kind, and [Company Brand] doesn’t make a salt-free.”

Me: “Well that’s not the one that’s on sale.”

Customer: “Well he needs a salt-free kind.”

Me: “Well, then you’ll have to buy the [Major Brand] one.”

Customer: “But it’s not on sale, and he needs a salt-free.”

Me: “Yes, I heard you ma’am, but if [Company Brand], doesn’t make a salt free margarine, then you will have to buy the [Major Brand].”

Customer: “You don’t understand. My husband needs a salt-free margarine. If he has a normal margarine, it will spike his sodium and he’ll die.”

Me: “Then you’ll have to buy the [Major Brand].”

Customer: “But it’s not on sale.”

Me: “Well, there’s nothing I can do about it, ma’am.”

Customer: “You really don’t care anything about my husband’s health, do you? You don’t care that he could die so easily do you?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s not that I don’t care. You can buy the salt-free [Major Brand].”

Customer: “But that margarine isn’t on sale! You are just going to stand there and murder my husband!”

Aisle Be Watching You, Part 2

| Montana, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m looking for horseradish.”

(I take her to the condiment section, where there are seven different kinds of horseradish.)

Customer: “No, it’s not any of these.”

Me: “Is it a refrigerated product?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, this is the only place I know of where we stock horseradish.”

(A few moments later, the customer finds me again.)

Customer: “I know where it is. But I’m not going to tell you. You need to figure it out on you own.”

Related:
Aisle Be Watching You

Bumming Around On The Job

| Manalapan, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

(I work in a high-end grocery store that has a department of employees solely dedicated to pushing shopping carts.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what’s [department name]?”

Me: “It’s a department where we push shopping carts, assist customers, and maintain the parking lot.”

Customer: “Yes, but are you an employee at [store]?”

Me: “Yes, I’m an employee.”

Customer: “As in, do they pay you?”

Me: “Yes, this is my job.”

Customer: “So, you’re not homeless?”

Blame A Lack Of Concentration

| Alberta, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to return this orange juice.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It’s brown.”

Me: “Oh, wow. When did you purchase it?”

Customer: “The 19th of this month.” *hands me her receipt*

Me: “Miss, this receipt says you purchased this orange juice on the 19th of last year. You bought this 367 days ago.”

Customer: “Yes, and it’s gone brown. I’d like a refund.”

Me: “Did it not occur to you that orange juice would expire over the course of the year?”

Customer: “I thought if I waited until the 19th of the month again, it would be okay.”

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