November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Talking Turkey Results In Mass Deviations

| Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Uncategorized

Customer: “I want a turkey, but I’m not sure how large.”

Me: “Well, how many people are you having over?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Maybe seven.”

Me: “How about a ten to twelve pound turkey?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s too small.”

Me: “Well, then how about a twelve to fourteen pound turkey?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s too big.”

(We go back and forth like this for ten minutes or so until the customer decides on a fourteen pound turkey. The customer behind her asks for and gets an 18 pound turkey which has a $10 off sticker on it.)

Customer: “How come that turkey’s $10 off? I want $10 off for my turkey.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s for turkeys that are at least sixteen pounds. Turkeys less than sixteen pounds are $5 off.”

Customer: “I don’t want a turkey that’s that big. Don’t you have a sixteen pound turkey that’s only fourteen pounds?”

Let Me Just Go Check In The Back-terium

| Rockland, MN, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Uncategorized

Customer: “Your Stilton doesn’t have enough blue cheese in it!”

Me: “I’m sorry. We should be getting some more in tomorrow if you’d like to come back.”

Customer: “Can’t you just go in the back and put more penicillin in it or whatever?”

Nonplussed Customers

| Dillon, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

Customer: “Something isn’t right with these two signs about the pears on sale. One says $1.00 for 1 pound, and the other says $10 for 10 pounds. Which is it?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, that’s the same thing.”

Customer: “Excuse me, but I actually went to college. I think I can do basic math.”

Me: “Let’s look at it this way. If it’s $1 for 1 pound, how much would 3 pounds be?”

Customer: “$3.”

Me: “Yep, and how much would 5 pounds be?”

Customer: “$5.”

Me: “Awesome. How much would 10 pounds be?”

Customer: “$10.” *pause* “Those signs are misleading!” *storms off*

Batty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

| Toledo, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Uncategorized

(I’m a customer at a grocery store. We’re in a snow storm and people have gone mad in preparation, buying most of the bread, eggs, and milk.)

Customer: *inches from the cashier’s face* “MILK AND BREAD! MILK AND BREAD!”

Cashier: *stunned*

Customer: “I bet all the customers were like that today, huh? All those crazy people buying up all that stuff! But not me, I’m not crazy!” *walks away*

Cashier: *nervously laughs while looking at me wide-eyed*

Our Great Dumbocracy, Part 3

| Framingham, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Politics, Uncategorized

(We’ve just recently switched to a new system where receipts are optional.)

Me: “…and would you like a receipt today?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “We’re now only printing receipts if you’d like one, in order to save paper. Would you like a receipt?”

Customer: “Of course I want my receipt! You know, it’s young punks like you who do all your online banking who are responsible for 9-11! You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Our Great Dumbocracy, Part 2
Our Great Dumbocracy