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    Tip Top

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

    (I am working as a cashier and an elderly lady comes in through my line.)

    Old Lady: "Honey, you are always so nice to everybody. I bet no one ever does anything for you!"

    Me: "Thank you! But that’s not true."

    (I put the groceries in the cart for her, but she still stands by my register.)

    Me: "Did you need anything else?"

    Old Lady: "Here, you just take this as a lil’ thank-you from me!"

    (She thrusts a couple of dollars at me. Mind you, there are cameras at every register and we aren’t allowed to take tips.)

    Me: "I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t accept that. We don’t take tips."

    Old Lady: "Take it, please!"

    Me: "No, I really–"

    Old Lady: "TAKE IT!"

    (She then opens up my work shirt, puts the money inside, closes it, and pats my chest down.)

    Old Lady: "Now you have a nice day!"

    (There are guys from my college behind her and I’m red as a beet.)

    One of the guys: "Heh heh, and how are you doin’?"

    The Cup Is Half Empty Kinda Guy

    | Norway | Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

    (The chain we are a part of has a free coffee/warm beverage deal if you buy a cup with their brand, new each year of course. A customer comes to cash registry with smoking hot cup of warm coffee and a candy bar. The cup clearly states it is from 2005.)

    Me: “That’s [price] sir.”

    Customer: *shouting* “What?! For one lousy candy bar? Are you insane?”

    Me: “No sir, that’s for the candy bar, and for the hot beverage.”

    Customer: “This is a brand new cup! I bought it last week. Don’t try to rip me off!”

    (I point out the 2005 and he stares blankly at me for a second.)

    Customer: “But I have a gold card! I’m entitled to coffee all year long!”

    Me: “No, sir, you’re entitled to one cup. If you lose the cup, or fail to bring it, then you must pay for it.”

    Customer: “I shouldn’t have to pay for things that I buy!”

    These Are Not The Coins You Are Looking For

    | Salem, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

    (I have just finished ringing up a small order for a man and his 20-year-old son. Their change is only three cents, and they have already started walking away before I could hand it to them.)

    Me: “Wait, I’ve still got your change, unless you don’t want it.”

    Customer’s son: *doing Jedi hand wave* “We want our change.”

    Me: *at the same time* “You don’t want your change.”

    (We both wait a beat, then everyone in line breaks out laughing. We hadn’t practiced it, either.)

    Don’t Ask Her What Size She’d Like

    | California, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (I am ringing up a customer. She has bought one large jug of ice-cream, a bag of chips, and dip.)

    Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

    Customer: “Just fine…. just fine.”

    (I notice she’s looking me over up and down, but I try to ignore it.)

    Customer: “How are you so skinny?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “How are you skinnier than me? It’s so unhealthy!”

    Me: “Uh, well I’m normally like this. I exercise, and I try to stay fit.”

    Customer: “Oh, so you’re saying I’m not!? I can’t believe this. Just because I’m buying ice-cream and chips, doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy!”

    Me: “I know it doesn’t ma’am. I eat ice-cream too.”

    Customer: “Wait, you do?”

    Me: “All the time, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh… no wonder why you’re more bigger than me. You should take care of yourself more.”

    Meet The Frankensteins

    | New Jersey, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Didn’t you have glasses on last time you checked me out?”

    Me: “No, I don’t wear glasses.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? Maybe you just wear them occasionally?”

    Me: “No, I don’t need glasses. I’m one of the only people in my family who doesn’t.”

    Customer: “But I know there was something different about you last time. I know I’ve seen your face before just on a different body.”

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