Too Ham Fisted To Realize

| Minneapolis, MN, USA |

Me: “Hello, ma’am. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Do you have any kosher ham here?”

Me: “No, I don’t think there is such a thing.”

Customer: “Darn it! I’ve been to three stores today, and none of them had it either. My husband’s parents are in town, and they’re Jewish. I wanted to make them dinner.”

Me: “I don’t think Jews are allowed to eat pig.”

Customer: “Duh, that’s why I need to get it kosher, so they can eat it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think they make any kosher ham.”

Customer: “What about pork?”

Judging Helps You To (Ac)Quit Unhealthy Eating

| Minneapolis, MN, USA |

(A woman comes into my cashier line with a single bag of chips.)

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “You rang me up last time! Don’t judge me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “You’re judging me! Stop judging me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I was just asking if you found everything.”

Customer: “Stop judging me!” *begins gasping hysterically*

Manager: “Ma’am, how can I assist you? What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “She’s judging me! She’s going to call my husband!”

Me: “Ma’am, I have no idea who your husband is. I won’t be calling him.”

Customer: “You rang me up last time and now you’re judging me!”

Manager: “What did she say to you?”

Customer: “Nothing! But she knows I bought these chips yesterday!”

Me: “Ma’am, I may have rung you up yesterday, but I don’t recall doing so. I handle hundreds of transactions.”

Customer: “You’re lying! You know I bought these chips and you know that I’ve eaten the whole bag already and you’re going to call my husband! I was going to sneak these into the house so he wouldn’t know I’d finished the bag but you’re judging me!”

More Than Mildly Confused

| Ontario, Canada | Top

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to buy some sausages.”

Me: “Okay. We have about 15 different kinds, so which would you like?

Customer: “What’s the difference between the mild, medium, and hot?”

Me: “You mean in the price?”

Customer: “No, in flavor.”

Me: “One is mild, one is medium, and one is hot.”

Customer: “So, which is the hottest?”

Me: “The hot.”

Customer: “…and the mild is hotter than medium?”

Me: “No. The mild is the least hot, the medium is a bit hotter than that, and the hot has the most pepper.”

Customer: “So the mild is mild?”

Yukon See It On A Map, Part 2

| Chicago, IL, USA |

(I am checking out a man with a thick southern accent.)

Me: “How would you like to pay for that?”

Customer: “Oh, darn. I must’ve forgotten my credit card at home. All I got is money.”

Me: “We do take cash.”

Customer: “It’s American money. I know you folks don’t take that.”

Me: “We take American money. This is America.”

(The man’s mouth literally drops open.)

Customer: “No fooling? When did that happen?”

Me: “When Illinois became a territory of the United States of America?”

Customer: “America took land from the Canadians? I must’ve missed it on the news.”

Related:
Yukon See It On A Map

That Would Be A Mis-Steak

| Adelaide, Australia |

Customer: “Does this honey baked ham contain real honey?”

Me: “Yes, it’s a honey glaze.”

Customer: “Oh, I won’t get it then. It was for my daughter, she’s vegan. She can’t have honey, as she doesn’t believe in eating any animal products.”

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