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    His Groceries Have Just Been Terminated

    | Peterborough, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Uncategorized

    (I am ringing up a customer at my register; she had just told me she forgot her rewards card at home.)

    Me: “Do you have a reward card? Oh, shoot. Sorry! It’s just a habit to ask for it.”

    Customer: “Haha, don’t worry about it, I understand.”

    (There is an elderly man in line behind her.)

    Elderly Man: “They’ve programmed you!”

    Me: “Haha, yeah I guess they have.”

    Elderly Man: *shouting alarmingly* “They’ve programmed you! You’re some sort of robot aren’t you?”

    Me: *jokingly* “Yep, I’m a robot!”

    Elderly Man: *totally serious* “I knew it! You filthy robot! You’re going to kill me, aren’t you? This is some kind of government conspiracy! They sent you here to kill me! Well I won’t let you!”

    (He runs out of the store.)

    Winner Of The No-Door-Bell Prize

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Why won’t the door open?”

    Me: “It opens like a normal door. It’s not automatic.”

    Customer: “I don’t get it.”

    Me: “Give it a push.”

    (The customer backs up and tries to ‘activate’ the door again.)

    Customer: “It won’t open!”

    How To Ensure A Blanc Stare

    | Ypsilanti, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (A elderly couple come through my counter with some wine.)

    Me: *joking around* “Are you sure you two are old enough to have this tonight?” *holds up wine*

    Customer: “Kid, I have underwear old enough to buy that.”

    Customers Wife: *laughs hysterically*

    Ooooooooh Dear

    | Fort Kent, MN, USA | Funny Names, Uncategorized

    (I am stocking shelves, a customer comes up asking for assistance to find an item.)

    Customer: “I need to find some Eight O’s corn.”

    Me: “I’m not familiar with that brand, ma’am, but I will do my best to help. Are you looking for corn that is fresh, frozen or canned?”

    Customer: “How am I supposed to know that? It’s Eight O’s corn!”

    Me:  “Well, is it cold?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “It is probably in our frozen section, then. Let’s go take a look.”

    (After pointing out our selection of frozen corn, she picks up a bag of store brand frozen corn excitedly.)

    Customer: “This is it! Eight O’s!”

    (I look at the item and see she has picked up an 8 oz. bag).

    Enough To Make You Quai

    | Florida, USA | Health & Body, Language & Words, Uncategorized

    (I am trying to help a customer with a product while she is talking on the phone to her friend. Every time she asks me a question, she would go back to talking to her friend while I gave her the answer so I would have to repeat myself.)

    Customer: “Do you have something that will help me with my period?”

    Me: “Dong Quai.”

    Customer: “I’m not crying!”

    Me: “No, the product is called Dong Quai.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

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