October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Love A Jedi Shall Know

| Austin, TX, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

(I was at work and I saw two girls from my college I knew as acquaintances, but not as much more than that. I had a crush on one of them as she was really pretty and seemed nice for the most part. I watched as she and her friend approached the register.)

My Crush: “No, you’re wrong! I’m telling you, he never said that!”

(I assumed they were gossiping about something until I listened a little more to the conversation.)

Her Friend: “No, he did! He totally did! We watched it last night, stupid!”

My Crush: “Obi-Wan never says, ‘I love you, Anakin’. The line is ‘You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you!’.”

Her Friend: “No!”

My Crush: *turns to me* “Oh hey [my name]! What’s up?”

Me: “Not much. I’m good. And you’re right; Obi-Wan’s line was ‘You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you’.”

My Crush: “Oh, my God, thank you!” *turns to her friend* “And you call yourself a Star Wars fan.”

(Her friend scowled, but they paid and said goodbye. I watched as they got to the automatic doors. Her friend pretended to use ‘The Force’ on them. Suddenly, my crush jumped in front of her.)


(I walked over and asked her out. We got married a month ago.)

Margarinelly Insane

| Surrey, UK | Uncategorized

Old Lady: *shouting randomly* “Marge? Marge?”

Me: “Are you OK?”

Old Lady: *worriedly* “I can’t find Marge!”

Me: “OK, I’ll see if I can find someone to help you.”

Old Lady: “Please don’t go, you must help me find Marge!”

Me: “OK, what does she look like?”

Old Lady: “Who?”

Me: “Your friend Marge?”

Old Lady: “I’m looking for margarine, it should be next to the butter!”

The Lesser Of Teen Evils

| North Carolina, USA | Top

(A man and his two sons are checking out through my register. The younger of the two sons grabs a bag of Skittles from the candy selection.)

Son: “Dad, can I have some Skittles?”

Dad: “No. Teenage girls eat Skittles. And what are teenage girls?”

Both sons: *raising their little fists in the air* “EVIL!”

A Poser By Any Other Name, Part 2

| Newark, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

(I’m not working, but I’m shopping. I’m at the register when the man in front of me starts yelling at the cashier at the top of his lungs.)

Customer: “You can’t do this, d*** it! My coupons are good! Take them!”

Cashier: “Sir, these coupons are expired. I’m not allowed–”

Customer: “If you don’t take it, you’re gonna be expired! Take my coupons or I’ll sue! I’m a lawyer! I’ll sue you in court!”

(I tap him on the shoulder.)

Customer: “WHAT?!”

Me: *calmly* “Are you a prosecutor or defense attorney?”

Customer: “W-what?”

Me: “Are you with the state, or private firm?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Where did you go to law school?”


Me: “Sir, impersonating an agent of the state is a serious offense. Furthermore, there are enough witnesses and evidence to hold you in court for harassment, threatening, disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace. I’m a prosecutor. I’m with the state. My recommendation? You leave, before I make all this official.”

(The customer runs out of the store, leaving half paid-for groceries behind. The cashier is grinning.)

Cashier: “You want some free stuff?”

A Poser By Any Other Name

Penny For Your Thoughtlessness

| Westchester, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

(I am working as a cashier at a gourmet food store. A lady walks up with one item and a giant jar full of pennies. I ring her up.)

Me: “That will be three dollars ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, here you go.”

(She puts the jar down on the counter.)

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, what is the jar for?”

Customer: “It’s how I’m paying. Are you blind?”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, do you have any cash?”

Customer: “No I don’t! I’m just paying in pennies for the fun of it. Get counting!”

(She proceeds to dump the pennies onto the counter. I finish counting out the 300 pennies.)

Customer: “Could you have taken any longer?”

(She storms off. The next customer walks up with just one item.)

Customer #2: *without missing a beat* “I know this is going to be $5.01. Can you spare a penny?”

Page 90/129First...8889909192...Last