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    Not To La-boar The Point

    | California, USA |

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [store]. What would you like, sir?”

    Customer: “Actually, I have a question. What is ham made of?”

    Me: “It’s made of pigs.”

    Customer: “Pigs? What are pigs made of?”

    Me: “Pigs, the animal.”

    Customer: *confused look*

    Me: “Oink oink.”

    Customer: “Oh! Does that mean it’s not vegan?”

    Cashier Almighty

    | Southlake, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Where’s your peanut butter?”

    Me: “Aisle 5, just past the bread.”

    Customer: “Thanks, man…”

    (20 minutes later, I’m also called up to work as a cashier. The customer comes through my line.)

    Me: “Did you find it alright?”

    Customer: “Weren’t you just over in like… five places?”

    Me: “About there, yeah.”

    Customer: “Are you God?!”

    Taking Stupidity To New Heights

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    (At a large chain grocery store, we have run out of room in the back room. We’ve placed five or six pallets of pop up near our exit, and to keep people away from them we have placed caution tape around them. A customer comes up to me as I’m talking to my coworker.)

    Customer: “Get my son down!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer:“My son is climbing on your playground, so make him come down!”

    Me: “Miss, we don’t have a playground! What are you talking about?”

    (The customer leads us to her son who looks to be around five and is playing on the pallets.)

    Customer: “I left him on your playground when I came in, and now he won’t come down!”

    Me: “Please, those are stacks of pop and much too dangerous! You need to get your son down now!”

    Customer: “No! It’s your playground and I don’t want to climb around the rope! You get him!”

    Me, to coworker: “Get the manager.”

    (I go over and after about three or four minutes of bribing him with stickers, I get him to come down. By this time, the manager has arrived.)

    Customer, to manager: “You shouldn’t make your playground so tall!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, miss. We will fix it.”

    Customer: “Hmph! I should hope so!”

    (About an hour later, my manager comes by, gives me a gift card and another roll of caution tape to put up.)

    A Hazy Legal Maze

    | New York, USA | Top

    Customer: “What cigarettes would you recommend?”

    Me: “I’m actually only 16, I don’t smoke.”

    Customer: “Oh well then which cigars are your favorite?”

    Me: “I’m only 16, I don’t smoke.”

    Customer: “Okay then. Do you sell marijuana?”

    Me: “That’s actually illegal.”

    Customer: “What? When did that happen?”

    Barely Scratched The Surface

    | Paxton, IL, USA |

    Customer: “Hello, young man, can you help me?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Where do you keep your scratch?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Scratch! Where do you keep it? I need some to make pie!”

    Me: “I’m not sure that I’m clear on what you need. Can you tellme what you are going to use it for?”

    Customer: “My husband says that I need to make pie from scratch for Christmas, so I need to buy some scratch for the pie.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that just means that you buy the ingredients and make the pie yourself.”

    Customer: “I don’t have time to make pie myself! I need some scratch!”

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