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In George We Trust

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I’ve just finished a transaction with a customer who only spoke Spanish, and am speaking to my coworker who translated for me.)

Me: *to coworker* “I really should learn Spanish. So many customers come in and that’s all they speak.”

Customer: “No, you shouldn’t.”

Me: “It really would help. I have to get someone to translate every time I have a Spanish-speaking customer.”

Customer: “But you aren’t in Mexico! You are in America!”

Me: “Well, sir, America is a melting pot of all kinds of cultures and languages.”

Customer: “But if you come to another country, you should learn the language they invented! George Washington invented English, and that’s what everyone in America should speak!”

Never Send A Man…Period

| Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(A male customer is in the feminine hygiene aisle and has requested to speak to a female employee.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you with something?”

Customer: *obviously embarrassed* “I need some ‘female products’.”

Me: “Okay, you’re in the right place. This is all our selection.”

Customer: “Really?” *points to the pads* “I don’t think these will work. They all look so small.”

Me: “Well, most women prefer that. But if you want something different, the tampons are right here as well.”

Customer: “Oh, gross. No, I would rather these but bigger, so they’ll work.”

Me: “This is really all we have.”

Customer: “Hmm, what about some diapers or something like that? Do you have those?”

Me: “What? Do you mean baby diapers? Sir, I really don’t think that’s what you want.”

Customer: “You’re right, they probably cost twice as much anyways. I think I’m going to tell my wife to come in after work and figure this out herself.”

Me: “I think that’s a very good idea, sir.”

Carrying A Lot Of Baggage

| Kirkland, WA, US | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

Me: “What kind of bag would you like?”

Customer: *without hesitation* “A hot blonde with blue eyes, 6 feet tall, smart, and successful.”

Me: “Me and you both, buddy. But you’re in luck, as it just so happens our bags are tan and blue. Will that be okay?”

Customer: “That’s fine. It’s better than what I have back at home.”

Buffalos In The Mist

| Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m looking for some cheese, but I can’t remember what it’s called.”

Me: “Well, we carry over 100 different kinds of cheese. Is there anything that you know about it?”

Customer: “It’s a type of Parmesan cheese, and I think it was made from gorilla milk.”

Me: “Gorilla? Uh, do you mean buffalo?”

Customer: “They’re the same thing!”

Not So Mellow Jello

| Wood Dale, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized, Underaged

Me: “That will be $*.** for 3 packs of jello. Will there be anything else for you today?”

Customer: “No, no thank you. My granddaughter is turning 21!”

Me: “How nice! Are these for her party?”

Customer: “She is having a party tonight and asked me to buy her jello so she could have jello shots. I’m so glad she is not drinking and instead just having jello. I must have raised her right!”

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