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    While We’re At It, Let’s Find Your Lost Marbles Too

    | Springfield, VT, USA |

    (I’m a cashier at a grocery story and recently lost my voice. I just cashed out the following customer…)

    Customer, to supervisor: “She was very rude! She didn’t speak to me once during the order!”

    Supervisor: “I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am, but this cashier has lost her voice.”

    Customer: *totally serious* “Oh. Are you looking for it?”

    It’s Probably Not Flushable Anymore

    | Dublin |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help?”

    Customer: “Hi, I need to know something very important, very quickly.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help. What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “Is your toilet paper… is it flushable? Like, can I flush it down the toilet?”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure if it’s toilet paper it’s flushable, yes.”

    Customer: “Well *** brand says it’s flushable but your brand doesn’t say that anywhere on it.”

    Me: “I think it’s assumed that toilet roll is flushable. What’s the alternative?”

    Customer: “Well, okay. Since I wasn’t sure, I’ve just been letting it sit in the bowl…”

    No One Ever Said It Would Be Boring…

    | Peterborough, Ontario, Canada | Top

    (This happened on my first day of the job.)

    Me: “Welcome to [grocery store].”

    Customer: “Take off your glasses.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “They’re all pink and red; I can’t see your eyes!”

    Me: “That’s because they’re tinted that way for a reason. Red increases contrast, and I’m photophobic.”

    Customer: “What? You’re afraid of light? D*** VAMPI–”

    Me: “–NO, no, no. It just means bright light hurts my eyes.”

    Customer: “All right, ring these up.”

    (Looking down, I notice he has bagged peaches. A LOT of them. As it’s my first day, I have to search for the code for them, and they lack a barcode.)

    Customer: “Well? They’re peaches.”

    Me: “I know, let me just–”

    Customer:Peaches! Come on, they’re peaches. Just ring them up.”

    Me: “Sorry, just a moment.” *grabbing phone* “What’s the code for–”

    Customer: “THESE. ARE. PEACCHEESSSS!”

    (He grabs one of the bags of peaches, swings it around until it TEARS open and peaches go flying everywhere, then he runs out of the store.)

    Coworker: *on the phone* “Aha, so you met the peaches guy on your first day? I remember my first time meeting him…”

    Me: “…”

    It Only Goes Downhill From Here

    | Bedford, IN, USA |

    (I’ve just finished bagging a man’s groceries in two paper bags.)

    Me: “Have a great night!”

    Customer: “Paper bags? NEVER bag my groceries in paper bags!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “If you ever do this again, I’ll kill you! I’ll blow your head off! I have guns!”

    Me: “…”

    (Two weeks later, the store hired him. I quit.)

    Dog Tested, Employee Approved

    | Tartu, Estonia |

    (An old lady walks up to the counter.)

    Customer: “Miss, is this dog sausage salty?”

    Me: “Um…I don’t think so, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Are you SURE?”

    Me: “Well, yes. Dog sausages are mainly made without salt.”

    Customer: “It better not be salty, because my dog does not eat any salty stuff.”

    Me: “It’s not salty, ma’am.”

    Customer: “But are you SURE? Have you TASTED it?!”


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