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July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

His Groceries Have Just Been Terminated

| Peterborough, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Uncategorized

(I am ringing up a customer at my register; she had just told me she forgot her rewards card at home.)

Me: “Do you have a reward card? Oh, shoot. Sorry! It’s just a habit to ask for it.”

Customer: “Haha, don’t worry about it, I understand.”

(There is an elderly man in line behind her.)

Elderly Man: “They’ve programmed you!”

Me: “Haha, yeah I guess they have.”

Elderly Man: *shouting alarmingly* “They’ve programmed you! You’re some sort of robot aren’t you?”

Me: *jokingly* “Yep, I’m a robot!”

Elderly Man: *totally serious* “I knew it! You filthy robot! You’re going to kill me, aren’t you? This is some kind of government conspiracy! They sent you here to kill me! Well I won’t let you!”

(He runs out of the store.)

Winner Of The No-Door-Bell Prize

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

Customer: “Why won’t the door open?”

Me: “It opens like a normal door. It’s not automatic.”

Customer: “I don’t get it.”

Me: “Give it a push.”

(The customer backs up and tries to ‘activate’ the door again.)

Customer: “It won’t open!”

How To Ensure A Blanc Stare

| Ypsilanti, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Top

(A elderly couple come through my counter with some wine.)

Me: *joking around* “Are you sure you two are old enough to have this tonight?” *holds up wine*

Customer: “Kid, I have underwear old enough to buy that.”

Customers Wife: *laughs hysterically*

Ooooooooh Dear

| Fort Kent, MN, USA | Funny Names, Uncategorized

(I am stocking shelves, a customer comes up asking for assistance to find an item.)

Customer: “I need to find some Eight O’s corn.”

Me: “I’m not familiar with that brand, ma’am, but I will do my best to help. Are you looking for corn that is fresh, frozen or canned?”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know that? It’s Eight O’s corn!”

Me:  “Well, is it cold?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “It is probably in our frozen section, then. Let’s go take a look.”

(After pointing out our selection of frozen corn, she picks up a bag of store brand frozen corn excitedly.)

Customer: “This is it! Eight O’s!”

(I look at the item and see she has picked up an 8 oz. bag).

Enough To Make You Quai

| Florida, USA | Health & Body, Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I am trying to help a customer with a product while she is talking on the phone to her friend. Every time she asks me a question, she would go back to talking to her friend while I gave her the answer so I would have to repeat myself.)

Customer: “Do you have something that will help me with my period?”

Me: “Dong Quai.”

Customer: “I’m not crying!”

Me: “No, the product is called Dong Quai.”

Customer: “Oh.”

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